Life so far has been very tiring. I've gotta find a new meaning, a new motivation, some inspiration for me to continue.
PROMOS~ I really don't want to remember it. It's better if I pretend it didn't happen because it'll only make me feel worst. I'll just move on. Try again, and hopefully next year I see results.
SCAPE~ Mike brought me to Scape. I've been there twice now. Second time with Mansi and Mike. It's really nice over there. The atmosphere. The energy, the focus, the strength, the unity. Going there really affirms my opinion that we suck. and that we have so much to work on. It's frustrating that I can't do much, I can't initiate much change because I'm not in a position that allows me to do that. It's frustrating because I care too much, and it seems that no one else cares as much. And it's frustrating that I can't do much for the cause and for the people that I care about because those people that I care won't let me. I'm enjoying trainings less and less. And I really hate the feeling of dreading to come to training because I'll end up seeing what I don't want to see. Hating what you love is really a tiring experience.
TSD~ What the pong. Sighs. Gotta redo a lot of stuff. TSD is sucking the life out of all of us. TSD doesn't care if it's the weekdays or weeknights or weekends or weekend nights or even public holidays. As much as it's fun, it's tiring like hell. It's frustrating like shit.
NICKHUNTORIA COUPLE, WE GOT MARRIED~ Watching them really makes my desire to find 'the one' soon a lot stronger. It's tiring to be alone. Like really. I've never had many friends, just those few who really know me and who really matter to me. But I do wish for someone whom I can just pour out my whole soul too. Who really takes the time to get to know me, and accept me and who will help me discover about myself too. And someone who'll need me as much as I need him. And someone I can give comfort to as much as he's capable of giving me. In one of the truth and dare games that 1E played (Ben Anthia Mike Van Joel Leena Isis) one of the questions Van got was the characteristics that her guy should have. It's really tough to answer it. I don't think I have an answer to it. And besides I think my answer always changes, but I'll try to answer it anyway.
Physical look:
1. I don't need him to be very handsome. In fact I think I'd rather him not to. Because I'm not pretty. And I won't match him. That'd be sad.
2. I just need him to have a friendly, happy face. A smile that will make me smile too. A smile and also a laugh that can make me feel at ease, make me feel warm. And that will allow me to take a breather from whatever problems I have. Of course, the problems won't go away. But life will be bearable and easier because he's there. Wow, all that from a smile huh.
3. Muscular but slim. He should be quite athletic and active because that's the kind of life that I want to have.
Characteristics:
1. Honesty
2. Responsibility
3. Comfortable
4. Humourous
What else is there to say? Many guys can be all of that. But I'll need someone who loves me as much as I love him. I can't wait to hear words like "I love you.", "I miss you.", "Get well.", "Everything is okay.", "I'm here." and to say them back too.
