Life is a journey of lessons

j2 memories

2012-02-26T04:03:00.002-08:00

While I still remember, I shall attempt to recall some of the significant moments of J2 life...

Studies

June holidays were spent as such: 1 week of studying for CT2s and 3 weeks rehearsing for TSD A levels that were held in July.
The experience was fun but extremely tiring.
Monologue: It is mentally tiring and emotionally tiring. Brecht's pieces may seem disjointed all the way but they are actually linked. And the different ideas are linked so well together, or more like one idea triggers the next which triggers the next and so on, that actually the monologue is one fluid piece. But performing it is really consuming because I have to remember the flow of ideas, how one thought leads to another. So I always have to think. And then the emotions and actions will naturally follow once I am able to to inhibit each and every thought, and feel the flow of the psychological motives triggering emotional reactions thereby leading me to act in a certain way. All the while, I had to recall that I am a bourgeois german jewish housewife who loves her german scientist husband who may or may not be the future cause of my death. My presence jeopardizes his own safety, and mine own, yet it is difficult for me to leave him as I love him. Rehearsals are extremely tiring; I end up crying 5 times within 0.5 hour of consultation with Mr Lyon... By the time I got to A levels, I was really really sian of my monologue. But apparently the tiredness add another edge to my performance. Gave it a bit more of realism because my character is tired of not being certain of anything anymore. Had good feedback from the examiner and Mr Lyon after my practical examination.
Duologue:
Practicing with Michael makes me work thrice as hard because he is such a naturally talented actor and I didn't want to bring him down, neither did I want to pale in comparison since we are doing the duologue together. It is rather tiring but at least Michael is there and we get to cry, and be angry and shout and laugh together during rehearsals. Apparently our duologue is really good. There is an unexpected moment of comedy which is damn funny (I still don't get why but hey it's a good thing) followed by a moment of seriousness and sadness. So the audience is like HAHAHAHA!!!! ... Oh shit!I shouldn't have laughed... I think duologue was my best performance out of the 3.
Group:
It is amazing how we improve all the way till A levels. Even 1 week before A levels, we were still working hard, improving on the script, our acting, our interaction between characters. I'm really proud of Greener. We did a lot of things ourselves. If grades had anything to do with the process, we would have gotten A just for it. We learned so much. And I really hope that it is not the one to pull me down. Like dancework team and pw team, we put our heart and soul into the entire process and we loved and enjoyed almost every minute of it but the results fall way below our expectations and hopes. I really wish that it wouldn't be the case for TSD because I have put in so much effort. We have put in so much effort. To get anything lower than B will just be a disappointment. But whatever the results will be (A level result coming out this friday) I know that nobody can take away the experience that we've had and that we will still be proud of ourselves whatever the results may be.

CT2s... haha didn't do it justice because of all the effort put into TSD A levels.

After that, it was seriously a bliss to just study and focus on studies. Without any distractions, any other commitments, focusing and working hard to do well for A levels gives a strong personal satisfaction. And it also had a lot to do with the fact that I love the subjects that I was studying. Getting back improved results for all my hard work with every assignment that I did was really an enjoyment for me.

Now and then, Mike Ye Oon and I would visit Street Dance. It was such a joy to see them grow :)))

Come A levels, I really did the best I could. And sometimes when I reflected upon the process leading towards A levels, I think that I could've studied more. I could've been less distracted. I could've studied longer. But given all circumstances. that I could only really start studying from August onwards cos of TSD A's, I tried my best. I just hope that I get good results to go to university and to the course of my choice. I just hope that I won't get disappointed.

Friends

Along the way, I really bonded well with a few friends. We helped each other during A levels studying period. Mike Mansi Ben Mah Vanessa Boonyi Ye Oon Shien Rei-en Nandhita Clement. We shared notes, we helped each other emotionally and mentally. Glad to have such amazing friends :)

Boon Yi, Ye Oon, Cheng Yuen
Amazingly I got 3 new extremely close friends. I've already known Ye Oon from street. But it's really nice to be able to somehow get even closer than we were already. And I really felt that I have a brother who really cares for me. Although he is quite scary when he is serious and scolding me for not eating dinner since he is the happy happy kind of person haha~
Boon Yi, although we were in TSD, we didn't get a chance to get to know each other since we were in different groups. But I'm glad we get to talk after TSD A's and somehow we clicked haha of all things we got closer initially because of Boys Over Flowers lololol... but yeah really nice to make friends with her. I learned a lot of things from her, like being more daring and grabbing at opportunities (no matter how small they are) to enjoy life everyday, and listening about her family and her siblings I get to learn a little bit about what a family is supposed to be like. Being similar in so many ways, and yet so different in so many other ways, it is always fun and exciting to hang out cos we'll talk about so many things and we always do the retardest things ever haha! And I'm glad to introduce Ye Oon and Boon Yi together!!!!!! lalalalalalalala i'm a fairy godmother!! hahahaha
Cheng Yuen, although he wasn't taking his A levels last year, he studied with us. And i got to learn a few things from him as well. He is really a committed and dedicated person, and he is really responsible. Whether he likes it or not, whether he's tired or not, whether he's busy or not, he always keep track of the things that he had to do. Although I am rather thorough and responsible most of the time, he keeps reminding me what it should be like to really be committed to something. On top of that, watching him play badminton is amazing. And it's quite refreshing to meet someone who's so clean and innocent, a really clean and white plate. Not that he's plain without his own points of view (but he's such an 'anything' person also -_-), he is inexperienced and wants to learn new things as best he can. So I'm glad also to be able to share with him a few things myself :)

My Birthday
Haha! best birthday so far!
Lunch with Boon Yi Ye Oon Cheng Yuen. And then watched badminton practice (I think court training is really cool!) And got a birthday surprise from Mansi Mike Ye Oon and Boon Yi <3 a guitar and a really nice card! and vann ben mah and anthia wrote me cards as well <333 it is amazing to know that somehow i managed to help my friends a lot and touch their lives. reading their well wishes and their thanks in my birthday cards was and is really touching. i am glad to have made a positive difference in people's lives. sometimes, i guess we don't need to do the big things. we don't need the world to know our names and recognize what we've done. at least for me, the satisfaction of having made a really good influence on the lives of ppl who really matter to me is enough.

Ye Oon's birthday
Watched "In time" with Boonyi Ye Oon Cheng Yuen at AMK hub. Ate lunch at Yilmaz :))) and then Cheng Yuen and I ran away so that BoonYi and Ye Oon can spend time together hahahaha ^^ then had dinner and bubble tea with Mansi Michael Juliet Ye Oon where we gave him his purple Dickies pants!

Prom
Haha! Performed with Ye Oon for his Dance King nomination in dedication to Boon Yi Lim! Awww <3 It was quite an amazing night. I ate a lot cos I was hungry and everybody else was taking photos and talking and walking around. Only girl I bet without make up and wearing court shoes that has barely an inch of heels ahha! But mum dressed me up in weird baggy clothes lol Then A01E went to esplanade there to lepak. then shared a cab back with Mike Ben Mah Anthia. haiz..... Ben and Anthia so sweet together... jealous much... hope to find someone for me too :)

Looking back at JC life, there were so many struggles and difficulties. There were so many things that I regretted and probably could have done better. There were so many opportunities that I let go. But as usual, when one door closes 10 others open. There were so many things I learned. I learned to enjoy life. I learned to complain with a smile on my face because life is always with struggles but it is so worth it because life is worth living with the special people supporting me as I go through this journey doing the things that I enjoy the most. I would go through all of it again to feel so well loved and to love as well in return.

street dance is the best!

2011-05-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

im so sleepy!!!
must do lit essay gahhh
tonight was a magical night. had last training. haha steffi's present to us was a torturous training session :D hehe the last exercise about just feeling the music was awesome, now there's something for us to do anw to improve our dance skills, listen to more music :)
thanks juniors for all the effort (the notes, the individual boards, the caps and pizzas) must have really caused a bomb on your pockets :/ hope you guys will press on after this and achieve more than we ever could. but rmbr, must buck up on your discipline first!!!
batchmates are awesome... never expected street dance to feel like family ever. i like this quote that nigel lythgoe said before "nobody looks after each other more than dancers". i was never really close to my classmates, absolutely loved my redcross yearmates but we are all busy with our individual commitments and it's really disappointing that we can't meet up as often. i miss out a lot on get togethers because of street/tsd. i feel very guilty and regretful. hope street dance'11 will continue forever <3 all the ups and downs, the litres of sweat and tears that we poured onto the mini lt floor, dance studio floor, amphitheatre and black mirrors corridor will be really embedded into my memory. everytime we get so demoralized but find the spirit to try again, and the times we complained quite happily (or not so happily haha) about muscle ache at the strangest parts of our body. or saying like 'hot damn my split is lower now :D' and times when we were cleaning and the person in front says 'eh, that's actually quite synchro lehh' and then we continue cleaning again. all our little triumphs and successes along the way. running to get speakers from dat's locker last year, to shoving back the blue speakers into ye oon's locker now hahahaa shall never ever forget this whole experience :)
to steffi, thanks a lot for all the guidance, encouragement. you helped us become better dancers and in the process, molded us to be better people. you helped us live our passion, and realise our dreams/goals/aspirations. we just wanted to dance but didn't know what it was and you showed us the way. thank you for helping us realise our dreams and making jc life very much enjoyable, memorable and something to look forward to. not many people can say that. but jc life is awesome because i have street dance, and i have the nicest and warmest people around me (streeters, steffi, ms ng and ms goh, 11A01E and TSD batchmates). and to volunteer to still coach us and open doors of opportunities for us after A's that is just awesome, unexpected and really so touching. it feels really good to have you feel so concerned for us, to take care of us like that, and be our big sister when all you really needed to be was a dance instructor. thank you so much steffi :)

2011-05-03T04:37:00.000-07:00

changed blog template... nothing special, just clearer. went to gym with ben and anthia after school. felt very refreshed. not so sluggish anymore. and yes, my abs and arms hurt (i do have abs, just that they are smothered with a thick layer of fat. eww gross)
let my mum and dad see my progress report. felt really bad. still feeling really bad. shall work doubly hard now. taking cts along with tsd a level WTP!
i want to dance so bad.
crisp seaweed, korean style fried seaweed is not nice :(
having cramps in my left leg.
okay shall do work now.

2011-04-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

The best thing about not updating a blog, no one else really checks. and if i update this dead blog, no one reads, so it remains sort of private.
i've been crying almost throughout the whole day, it sucks. my head and heart are hurting. maybe it's just the lack of sleep. maybe it's pms-ing which is bs cos i just ended my time of the month a few days ago. going to school was okay. saw mansi, she gave me a hug and said that things will be fine so i cracked. then minutes later saw rei-en and shien, and they said the same thing too and again i cracked. during the second free block, shien's comp crashed and i thought we lost all our sound cues. so i went to p.e. and then i just told nan and van what happened, and i cried. again. lol, maybe i was just too drained to notice tt i was damn depressed alr. don't even know why i cried. it's like for no reason, the tears just came pouring. and i felt more drained with each passing second. nan and van said they'd cover me for p.e. so i can work on the sound cues. love them. they're so supportive, wouldn't have made it through that episode if not for them. then got back to tsd room to find that russell managed to reboot shien's comp. so i was like ohmygod!!!! the heart attack was so freaking unnecessary!! and all that's left is to put in again the changes that didn't get saved. at least i didn't have to restart the sound cue system all over again.
during gp. i have no freaking idea what that was about. i was with my head down on the table, half sleeping half crying and snot coming down my nose for that 1 and a half hours of lesson. wah that was really draining and my head just felt heavy although my chest was lighter.
augustine, azura, hemin, sarah and teri are awesome <3333333 yay we have nice tsd juniors
tech run was disastrous. russell is a nice guy except for all the awkward comments and holier-than-thou attitude that comes out every once in a while. ben and i were so exasperated that we were all just so freaking distracted. tech run and at the same time, hanging paintings, and talking about costumes!! motherf* prioritize la. tech run!!!! what the noodles. and it's just hanging up the damn painting. don't need to squabble over it. and costumes. costumes. the performance will bloody suck even if we have the world's most beautiful costumes and yet our acting suck.
rehearsal run was a lot better than actual performance abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
really appreciated everyone's comments, especially nabil, who bothered to sit down with us and gave us more notes.the next time we have a showcase,i really want to impress nabil. i wanna hear him say that he'd pay to watch out performance too :/
the difference in quality and standard of performance between happyness and tempest is staggering!! it's so demoralizing. true that they practiced more, true that they have cooler shit and gizmo. but still. our group was initially viewed as the actors group. their group had people with niche areas in costume, sets, directing and some strong actors as well. now it seems like they have everything. although it is fun that we distribute all the work all the time, and we get to experience making sets, discussing costumes and script writing. but it's been a struggle to get here, and here is basically nowhere WHAT THE SHIT.
i just couldn't stand the happy atmosphere at mos burger just now. couldn't stand it. had to leave them. feel quite bad now for leaving muni to go home by herself. on the way home, in the train, walking back to the hdb block, cried again. thank god ryan was there to talk to about random stuff yay :)
maybe i have bipolar disorder.
it seems like whatever i put my heart into, and the bulk of my efforts, results don't show up. it's just disappointment after disappointment. first of with danceworks. and then pw results. we actually are very proud of what we produced i don't give a fuck what seab thinks. they can shove up their marking sheet somewhere unpleasant i don't care. and tsd group work isn't showing up. neither my monologue nor duologue is going along fine either. and don't even talk about academics. kena shit from helen tan for not doing econs tutorial twice now. and paul poh, okay la he's nice. wah but everytime he patronizes me, just wanna punch that face till he flies to china. seriously, i don't need anymore unnecessary crap in my life.
street dance. im so relieved that it's all over for us now. it is sad, but it's been so tiring. and honestly the five of us exco members have saturated all the experience that we can ever get from being part of raffles street dance. from actualy dancing and training basics etc. to planning performances (costumes, mixing music, blocking, rehearsal schedules, budgeting) to dealing with teachers, schools, external organizations and other ccas. seriously all the exco work and extra saikang that we take upon ourselves just so the batch and the juniors don't feel the pinch of pushing our cca to greater heights just gives us so much experience, knowledge and at the same time, reduce our lifespan by quite a lot. although we've only run the cca for less than a year now BLOODY HELL! i feel like we've all aged so much. the juniors. aiyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. i don't want to be too quick to say they are not a disappointment. but they are. or maybe we were just too excited about welcoming j1s that we set high expectations and therefore are disappointed cos they are not reaching it. i hope they find the motivation to go even higher now that everything is so nice and smooth sailing for them. hope something harsh comes and knocks them on their ass so they can wake up from their bubble of ... i don't know what. ignorant bliss la huh. the cca showcase was nothing to be proud of. and losing the $300 oh my god!!! whether it is $100 or $300, the money was representative of all the hard work the seniors put in to get through to danceworks finals. although to them, it is nothing compared to the priceless experience of preparing for the competition, we are supposed to be taking care of the fruits of their labour. and using it for our own benefit some more! it was because of that award that street dance could present something to the school for the very first time. frustration frustration frustration.
now gotta focus on studies and tsd. loll quite amused at how it's always been street, studies and tsd. like tsd is some mega shit on its own WHICH IT IS! bitch. why do you have to be so hard to manage and yet so fun, enriching and fruitful?
kay kay gotta sleep. tmr have interview.

2010-11-18T04:41:00.001-08:00

Life so far has been very tiring. I've gotta find a new meaning, a new motivation, some inspiration for me to continue.

PROMOS~ I really don't want to remember it. It's better if I pretend it didn't happen because it'll only make me feel worst. I'll just move on. Try again, and hopefully next year I see results.

SCAPE~ Mike brought me to Scape. I've been there twice now. Second time with Mansi and Mike. It's really nice over there. The atmosphere. The energy, the focus, the strength, the unity. Going there really affirms my opinion that we suck. and that we have so much to work on. It's frustrating that I can't do much, I can't initiate much change because I'm not in a position that allows me to do that. It's frustrating because I care too much, and it seems that no one else cares as much. And it's frustrating that I can't do much for the cause and for the people that I care about because those people that I care won't let me. I'm enjoying trainings less and less. And I really hate the feeling of dreading to come to training because I'll end up seeing what I don't want to see. Hating what you love is really a tiring experience.

TSD~ What the pong. Sighs. Gotta redo a lot of stuff. TSD is sucking the life out of all of us. TSD doesn't care if it's the weekdays or weeknights or weekends or weekend nights or even public holidays. As much as it's fun, it's tiring like hell. It's frustrating like shit.

NICKHUNTORIA COUPLE, WE GOT MARRIED~ Watching them really makes my desire to find 'the one' soon a lot stronger. It's tiring to be alone. Like really. I've never had many friends, just those few who really know me and who really matter to me. But I do wish for someone whom I can just pour out my whole soul too. Who really takes the time to get to know me, and accept me and who will help me discover about myself too. And someone who'll need me as much as I need him. And someone I can give comfort to as much as he's capable of giving me. In one of the truth and dare games that 1E played (Ben Anthia Mike Van Joel Leena Isis) one of the questions Van got was the characteristics that her guy should have. It's really tough to answer it. I don't think I have an answer to it. And besides I think my answer always changes, but I'll try to answer it anyway.

Physical look:
1. I don't need him to be very handsome. In fact I think I'd rather him not to. Because I'm not pretty. And I won't match him. That'd be sad.
2. I just need him to have a friendly, happy face. A smile that will make me smile too. A smile and also a laugh that can make me feel at ease, make me feel warm. And that will allow me to take a breather from whatever problems I have. Of course, the problems won't go away. But life will be bearable and easier because he's there. Wow, all that from a smile huh.
3. Muscular but slim. He should be quite athletic and active because that's the kind of life that I want to have.

Characteristics:
1. Honesty
2. Responsibility
3. Comfortable
4. Humourous

What else is there to say? Many guys can be all of that. But I'll need someone who loves me as much as I love him. I can't wait to hear words like "I love you.", "I miss you.", "Get well.", "Everything is okay.", "I'm here." and to say them back too.

2010-10-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

today was the first time i went to jazz lesson in like 5 weeks. :/ i was really out of practice :// and when i heard that chloe and nadyn will take their exams at the end of the year, i really felt, wah... i have to practice a lot more. and i want to learn more. like have 3 hours of lessons instead of 1 hour. i just had this urge to learn more. a day of classes: jazz, ballet and hip hop, all kinds of hip hop. i was really restless but i had to go home to tutor. :(
i came early to use the dance studio. ooh the feeling was really good. it's better than dancing in front of the black mirrors. it felt really good. kyaa~
Ah, i really hate it when people just interrupt my schedule. or when people suddenly demand or expect things from someone else. yes i feel it more when they do that to me. but i never say anything. don't know how to.
oh i really want to continue language lessons but i don't practice and i can't remember much. will start studying again tomorrow wee~
Ah, dailymotion is getting on my nerves. just download quickly so i can watch!! i don't know why my computer's so slow the past week. i'll give up, shall sleep and try watching tmr.

2010-10-08T01:35:00.000-07:00

WEE~ TSD PRACTICAL IS OVER!!!
it wasn't the best by faaarrrr. (sorry mike) but it's still over. sighs of relief. now i can continue watching my videos wooppee~
lalalalala i'm loving it
met a new friend name Nigel. another kpop fan LAWL
but he likes 2NE1. good taste good taste. better than SNSD hehehehee...

2010-10-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

went to siti's house on saturday =) the food was really nice yum yum >< saw miza too =) been really unproductive the past few days =( need to start working hard for tsd practical.
class outing tmr~
got paid yesterday too but spend it all already, paying for piano exam. now i really need to practice hard for it too. it's 2.30 in the morning but i dnt feel sleepy at all. hmm...
body aching. it's a bad sign cos it means im really out of shape (never was in it in the first place) but it means im getting better yay!

2010-10-01T08:06:00.001-07:00

Time management problems
1- tsd practical mono and duo
2- watch all the videos that i've been put on hold for promos
3- learn dances from youtube
4- train and choreo
5- practice piano
5- revise my languages
6- read books

AAAHHHHH!!!
Love~

2010-09-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

Wah, promos are finally over for me! But I didn't end it well for maths =( and what got me further down then was how everyone seemed fine with it. so it felt like I was the only one who really flunked it. and I like maths and it was always my strongest subject, so it was a big blow. and I've never failed a paper before (haha assignments in jc don't count!) so it's a lot to take in. I have to get used to failure.
after tsd paper, Mike Geri and I went to the mirrors. I didn't feel like doing anything but I changed out anw and got straight into training. since I couldn't stay long, I just did stretches (I was freaking bloody stiff!) and some choreo. Then Nan came along for a while and I really wished then that everyone would finish their promos already and start dancing together again! I can't wait for 11 Oct =))) I don't really miss dancing at black mirrors as much as I miss going to a dance studio. Probably cos I wish really badly to have a studio at my home like Mike. When I get my own house, there'll be one dance studio, one gym and one music studio. WOOTS~
I really need to listen to more songs and more types of songs, but I don't know who to listen to. And the American hip hop songs are just bleargh. So I need to source my hip hop songs from somewhere....???
Wah SHINEE is making a comeback today! A day after Promos end, how perfect! Can't wait for their performance later on <333 Hello hello! And I'm so happy Taemin and Minho gets to sing more but I wish the distribution of lyrics will be better so Key doesn't get too left out. But it seems like Taemin is going to surpass Key vocally o.O or maybe everyone's (including me) just really going crazy over Taemin's voice since we don't really get to hear it so everyone's attention is on Taemin. I mean we're already used to mainly listening to Onew, Jonghyun and Key and we already know how great their voices are, and suddenly there's Taemin's angelic voice haha! I wonder how they do it. They just finished promoting Lucifer, had SMTown concert at a few countries and now they're back for a new promotion. Are they robots or what? :/ How tired they must be. And 2NE1 too! Promotions for 3 songs at one go. And we're all here complaining about just studying. Imagine doing all this and having to school too like Taemin. What then?
I need to get new shoes! I'm seriously really tight for money =(
Stuff I need to fork out for
- Piano practical exam
- Shoes (my sole's coming out)
- Idris' dance class (if he still wants to go)
- And I wanna go for dance class!!!
Aiya!
And I'm gonna have to start planning what to do after Promos. Plan tsd practice, training and if i can get a holiday job that'll be awesome. I'm so hoping I can get casted again, but I'll really have to wait and see how it goes.

2010-09-20T08:31:00.001-07:00

haha been so long since i posted. lots to talk about but not much time to blog.
it feels good to have someone to be concerned for me. thanks a lot =)
jiayou for promos!!!

the great thing about a one-sided love is that you don't have to fork out money for the other person for gifts etc, it can sum up to a lot. the other great thing is that you have freedom, there are no ties. and then you also don't have to worry about the other person. it also allows you to look at the person from afar and not expect anything in return. the great thing about it is also that you can break it off anytime you want to because you're the only one who gets hurt. but then a one-sided love just goes to show that the two people don't have the courage to love.
Personal taste <3

2010-06-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

" The worst kind of meeting is a meeting like a fish. Since the more you meet, the fishier the smell gets.
The kind of meeting you should be most cautious of is a meeting like a flower blossom. Since when it's blooming it's a joy, but once it shrivels it is thrown away.
The kind of meeting that's the most beautiful is a meeting like a handkerchief. When things are rough your sweat is wiped away and when you're sad your tears are wiped away. "

~i like this paragraph~

2010-06-15T05:57:00.000-07:00

So far June holidays haven't been a holiday. Duh. Even if I'm watching TV or just slacking, there's always that pressure. It's only CTs but a lot is at stake.
1st week of June hols, I went to the Pre-U Sem at NUS. It was a 5day4night thing. It was really cool cos
1) My grpmates are rlly awesome. Somehow we just clicked and that was damn cool. Met another TSD person. Met another Kpop fan. And Denice and Jervy are really the jie jie and ge ge. And I really respect my grpmates la.. all smart,dedicated and passionate bunch of ppl. And we had the twin towers in our group. Or some ppl call them G1 and G2. Ryan and Weize are freaking talll!!!!!
2) I learned quite a number of things. Had more experiences too. Some stuff was like a refresher, I knew it but I don't really think about it and then I got reminded so it was like Oh! Gained a few insights too cos of the PM speech, parallel presentations and panel discussions. The professionals were really professional. On the third day one of the guest speaker for the panel discussion was the high ambassador, so in whichever country he goes to he represents Singapore. That's damn cool la. The guys is like top top. And he had to leave about halfway to meet the PM of Papa New Guinea o.O and he just came back from Canada the day before o.O k, i don't know what my point is but cool stuff..and I got to experience what hostel life is like. It's quite awesome. It's actually really conducive for studying cos the stuff I brought in the dorm were my study materials and Pre-U sem stuff so it's not cluttered with other misc stuff and it's not distracting. Also cos there's no computer in there. And at PGP everybody got a room to themselves so we can do whatever we want and it's just comfortable cos we have our own space. Also the one thing I was reminded of is don't make fun of geeks or the smarty pants or people that are nerdy cos we need them. We need their brains. And we can laugh at them or make fun of them but most likely they'll be our boses or the stuff we will be using were created or initiated by them. Also immigrants or any blue collared job holders, just cos they don't get paid much, doesn't mean their worthless or trash or whatever. Singaporeans don't wanna clean the public toilets, they don't want to toil under the hot sun all day long and so we need these people. And all the complaints about immigrants clogging Singapore or stealing our national identity or making Singapore unsafe etc etc.. well just remember that we need them. And it's because we need them that they're here, that they're attracted to come here. If we don't want them around well, have more babies. And it's not solely their fault for not understanding our culture, we need to help them integrate too.
So that was how week one pass.
Other stuff that happened was Science Camp performance. It wasn't great but it was still a stepping stone for us.
The last week was split between self prac, tutoring, mugging, sleeping, slacking.
It's the third week now. holy macaroni.
Mug mug mug for CTs!!!
Why I need to do well for CTs:
1) Cos I'd be super guilty and ashammed and will most likely kill myself if I don't do well thoughh it's only 15%.
2) Cos I don't wanna get banned from training/performances in T3 and T4.
3) Cos I don't want my parents to have heart attack.
4) Cos I have to set a good example to my little brother who's taking PSLE this year. Damn, PSLE was so long ago for me.
Greg's gone and I couldn't and so I didn't send him off. I miss him and I will continue missing him I guess. And I hope and pray he's well wherever he is and that he remembers his friends here, he remembers 11AO1E, that he would remember me.
K go mug =)
Sometimes I wish I can fall asleep in someone's arms even if it's just for a little while.

2010-05-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

I ate at Burger Kings for lunch. I'm regretting it now.
I wanna drink orange juice.
I can't stand the fact that my family's watching tv and i'm doing my lit essay.
I'm excited for dance night, but I wish for it to be over and done with so that I can reorganize my messy life. And for that I feel guilty cos it means 1) I'm willing to forget about enjoying the process and the time spent with fellow streeters 2) I'm wishing for farewell to come sooner.
4 months is a short time, but a lot of things have happened, I've made so many mistakes, learnt so many lessons, grown so much more, conquered a few more obstacles and am seeing more down the road. all these happened and i'm praying everyday that these are the moments that i'll keep with me forever. i'm hoping, though it's impossible, this 4 months will replay itself because i don't want to lose the people who made all these possible. soon i'll lose the J2s to their studies. and then i'll lose my friends and even myself to books and notes and probably coffee.
4 months is a short time, but it's enough to write a chapter of my JC life.
4 months is a short time, but it's enough to say i'll be missing you. the days get harder because time is counting down the seconds to the day i'll be losing you and i can't do anything about it.time is a foe i can't fight.

2010-04-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling really pissy now cos i haven't bathed, and i just wanna sleeeeeeeeepppppppp!!!!!! anyway, i got my pay. so in total i have $150+$120= $270 freaking cool
i wanna eat ice cream
being in exco is hard =)
maths lecture test was like UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

2010-04-22T08:00:00.001-07:00

currently i just feel drained, tired. somehow i like it, but i know it's bad. i don't feel like doing any work. i just feel like wasting the night watching videos on youtube, listening to music and just waste the night away. it's bad but somehow i can't do anything. i don't feel like doing anything, and even when i try it's almost as good if i just sleep the whole night. i'll try to change. readjust my body system. i'm tired, but i like it a lot.

2010-04-09T05:16:00.000-07:00

A lot of stuff has happened since I entered RJC. Here's the list

1) orientation - OG
2) meeting my class for the first time, getting my subject combi & time table
3) trying out for streets & getting into streets
4) streets- street11 & seniors, danceworks, dance night, EXCO
5) loads and loads of homework and stuff to do
6) filming

ORIENTATION

One of the best times of my life, I guess. The activities that we did were all damn fun. And through it, I bonded with my fellow OGmates and OGL
OG name: Go change your OG name la!
OGL: Justin, Ramyia, Tze Qing
Glampa and Glamma: Kailun and Sheryl Tan
Joshua Chia, Yunfei, Dennis, Adi, Wei Yang, Prakhar, Zhengli, Timothy
Geraldine, Carina, Su San, Cheryl, Chriselle, Alison, Michelle, Rebekah

Being with my OG makes me feel like I'm at home. I can be shit crazy and I can be running all over the place, I can be serious and focused, I can be me. The whole team spirit is awesome. Even if we didn't get any price of whatever, it doesn't matter cos nobody else can ever replace anybody in our OG. The experience won't be the same. If someone else took over someone, the experience will be a whole lot different. I can't say it'd be better or worse, but even if the experience is better, it still can't beat this cos it's already so special and unique and I won't change it for all the chocolates in the world (and that's saying something)

MEETING CLASS FOR THE FIRST TIME

My class is 11A01E. When I first saw my class, I was already excited cos there were a lot of ppl I already knew. There's Atiqah, Vanessa, Nandita and Leena my RG friends :) And the rest of my class was also plain crazy ppl, in a good way :) when i got my time table i was like bloody hell. but i was so damn glad that i got the subjects that i opted for. From the first day, I could already feel that I will grow to love my class, and now I do. And I'm still sad that some of them transferred to HP. but if that's what they really wanna do, then instead of stopping them, we should encourage their passions. of course we also have new additions to our family, Eli and Greg :)

2010-01-15T08:37:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep without knowing there's hope
Half the night I waste in sighs
In a wakeful doze, i sorrow
For the hand, the lips, the eyes
For the meeting of tomorrow

CHESTNUTS LOVE

2009-12-31T19:59:00.000-08:00

Wow.. time just zips by and it's now 2010!
3 weeks just goes by quickly, and while we were all swearing and cussing and working hard and having major fun during rehearsals, we suddenly came to show time! opening night was on monday, and closing show was on wednesday. the audience were all wonderful. wednesday's audience were even more ticklish. it was all major major fun. there's no way to describe it. the rush is awesome. i was a dresser, and i felt it. the actors and actresses were probably on adrenaline high haha!
we closed the show successfully! woots! go chesnuts! we're all nut-ters!
haha.. kuddoes to everyone =DDD
on monday night, after show, we all went to eat prata. there was alycia, melissa, keng kiat, hatta and others. there was 8 of us. i had ice cream prata! haha who knew that exists! it was a crispy prata with 3 scoops of ice cream (one each of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla) and lots of cream and chocolate and strawberry syrup. but honestly, i got sick of the cream and syrup about 1/4 through the prata. after that i got home at 2.15am. wOw.
on tuesday night, they all went to eat but i went back home with kamal since he's going home too. walau... on the night we went home, more people wanted to eat supper. jon, joakim, ghaz, hatta and more cast joined the other 6. i reached home at 12+ am.
on wednesday night, after the show, we had a cast party at haji lane. just ate wedges, chips and drank green tea and sprite. the cast were all getting high and crazy (these people don't need alcohol). the room was basically divided into: crew, cast, youngsters (peixin, kai wei, belinda, genevieve, jasmine, haky. mr bang joined us. nicholas went to the smoking side -_-), and those who were drinking and smoking. and some were drifters (i dunno what to call them), they just move around the room a lot. it was fun. i wasn't in the fun but it was still cool to watch. haha. i swear theater people are pure crazy. after a while ppl started to leave. oh yeah HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCY! haha
so people started leaving. gave hugs to loads of ppl as they leave. dwayne kept thinking i was going off because i stood up a lot of times to give hugs to those who were leaving. and then suddenly the room become a lot more spacier. and we sat down and talked about past productions. they were talking about H is for Hantu, when the topic suddenly became about hantu. lol... then after a while, all of us went home. kamal dropped me off my place first. thanks! i reached home at about 3.20am. wOwee..
the next day, we had to go to jubilee again to bump out. we're all sleepy. i couldn't walk straight. mel had a hangover, diarrhea and fever. when i reached there, they've already loaded the couch into the lorry :( the couch is damn shiok. while we waited for our cues backstage, peixin, lucy, joakim, johannes and i would chill there. haha and other casts would also just sit there to watch the rest on stage when it wasn't their turn to go on. and joakim always sleep on the couch. aiyo.. he's so tired :(
then we cab to siglap and brought all the props and costumes from the lorry into the room. and while mel, peixin, haky and nic were all eating from our favourite old chang kee, i slept on the couch. hah! shiok! then we went home. mel dropped me off at serangoon mrt. (thank the govt for creating the circle line)
so that's it. chestnuts does christmas like a hard candy virgin is over. sobssobs. hopefully, there'll be more productions to come that i can get involved in :)
for now thank u to all cast and crew for the A-MAH-ZING journey :D thanks to mr bang for roping us in :) FAB-BOOMZ-LOUS!!

Randoms

2009-12-24T08:23:00.000-08:00

i watched my sister's keeper tonight.
i didn't stop crying.
---
bumping in into jubilee hall on saturday. show's on coming monday.
---
oh my god. jc is so near. shit. i just graduated from sec sch, come on... bleargh
---
missed rc's christmas party on wednesday :( hope it went really well. i miss a lot of things.
---
still not done with cleaning up my room. can 2010 come slower?
---
my birthday next year is 20.10.2010
cool huh?
---
went for mendaki graduation last saturday. it wasn't anything like a graduation, i didn't feel like celebrating or even crying for graduating. all the sec 1-3s that were there, why were they even there? they don't know us. they're bidding us farewell. what's the point? we didn't help them, we don't know them either. other than us knowing some of them because we were from the same school. a really big thanks for those who organized the graduation party though. the effort is appreciated even though the reasons aren't clear. i was sorry that more of sec 4s didn't turn up. it would've been nice to see everybody one more time. probably one last time. the RI ppl, we'll see them next year. but the VS dudes, those from CGS and others.
---
on wednesday night, my family picked me up after work. my dad drove through orchard road. the lights were pretty. sarah fell asleep in the car. aiyo...

2009-12-14T04:10:00.000-08:00

today was the second day of work. we were supposed to meet at serangoon mrt at 10am. i thought that it'd take forever to get there. drop at amk, take some bus. and i need time to get lost and find my way. then my brother called and said 'you can take the circle line.' so the whole journey was only about half an hour. so since in left house at 8.30, i reached there at about 9.10.
we went to this really cool but really humid place to source out for props. melissa took some photos so that she can show them to the director, so he can pick out the most suitable prop, and we'll rent the prop he wants.
then went to paya lebar, we ate at kfc. i didn't eat. no money :( sobs. and i wasn't that hungry cos i ate a heavy breakfast. 2 pieces of plain bread before i left home, and a bun, a packet of hello panda bear chocolate biscuits and a packet of chocolate HL milk while waiting for the rest to come.
ok, there were 5 of us.
Melissa: she is the stage manager of our production. scary job. but she's really good at it. salute salute. she can really multitask. example. during rehearsal. within one minute. cue-ing the props when they are supposed to come out and telling us clueless backstage ppl where to position it, cue lights, correct the actor when he made a mistake with his lines. cool huh? she's only 19. she's in NAFA studying theater studies. she's got loads of experience, from dresser and props to now SM.
Iqmal: 18. NAFA, theater studies. He's been in a lot of outside productions. He's been an ASM before which is as tough as SM. Hmm... i don't really know his history that well. but he's been in english drama since young; so, he has lots of experience i bet. and i can see how his face brightens up just by talking about his passion (i asked all of them how they got into theater) and it's just really nice.
Nicholas: 15, SOTA, theater studies. jeez, he's younger than me. GASP! and way cooler than me. he does not look 15. he's tall and he's slim but built so he looks 17. honestly, i don't know if i've spelt his name right. he's been acting since young. he's been on tv a lot of times. cool huh? and other than our production, he is involved in another one too. doing lights. cool.
Kai Wei: 14, RGS, International Dance. she has lots of passion in what she does. and i hope my techniques can be as good as hers one day. of course, that means i have to work really hard.

Big salute to all my fellow CHESTNUT-TERS! It's really cool how they follow their passion, they know what they wanna do and still do it despite the odds. so it's really uber awesome. i mean to know so early, and to say i'm not going to do maths or science or take on any of those common paths, i'm going to do theater because i love it. and they thank their parents for the support too.
-----------
tomorrow night is my last chinese lesson for stage 1. next month, end of january, we will be starting on stage 2. that means tomorrow is my last time seeing Alina. I think that's how her name is spelt. I don't even know her full name.
She's korean. about 20 plus, i guess 23? she has graduated from university. she's in singapore because her korean company has opened brunches in our little country. i remember the first time we actually talked, i think it was like the 6th lesson or so (i wish i had talked to her earlier). she asked me why i wanna learn chinese. so i told her that i am a chinese and i felt that it's really wrong for me not to learn it. we talked a bit about our education system. and i learned that in korea, they start school at 8.30. ZOMG. she asked the difference about JC and Poly, and i told her that we also have ITE and she asked how we get to university from there. she also said that they have uniforms only for junior high school (secondary school) and high school (JC). everybody has to attend high school. no uniform for elementary school (primary school). and she said she was bored of singapore because there isn't much to see or do here. and she says she misses her hometown. and it really touched me when she said she misses her family. she was like 'oh you live with your family. you're so lucky.' she misses the snow in korea and she likes snowboarding.
she likes DBSK's Micky Yoochun and the character Hwang Tae Kyung in the korean drama You're Beautiful. She knows how to speak japanese too. she also told me about how men have to national service in korea for 2 years. and during those 2 years, they will be away from their families. they only have a few short holidays.
I think she's really cute, pretty, and pure in a way. it's just me i guess. i feel this strange connection to her, i realise i like her. i've never had a sister. and i suppose i would want someone like her to be my sister. she's like a lady, poised and soft spoken, but at the same time she's just a girl. she might wear work clothes (blouse, skirt) to work and then to class, but she misses her family and simple things like snow. even then, she knows that she has to be responsible and works well, even has the desire to learn more, and just look forward to going back home. maybe i even aspire to be like her. simple but not simplistic.
I dunno why i'm talking about her. just that i feel that i should record my memory of her so that i won't forget her. tomorrow is my last time seeing her. she's leaving singapore on the first week of february. because of that, she won't be able to attend stage 2 of chinese cos it starts at end of january.
i will miss her. and i just want to say how thankful i am to her. in the train, on our way home, the 15 minutes we have on every tuesday night, she introduced me to a whole different world, and reminded me again that there's life outside of mine, outside of whatever goes on in singapore. also, aging doesn't mean losing our youth.
however slim the chances may be, i would like to see her again. i wish her a lot of happy and beautiful times with her family when she gets home.
--------
working tomorrow :)

2009-12-10T18:35:00.001-08:00

i looked through all my old stuff as i'm clearing my cupboard. and unexpectedly all the nostalgic memories are flooding back.
even at home, i have responsibilities, i have jobs to complete. so when can i take a real effing holiday?
yeah, it's not fair to my mum.
but she's driving me insane.

2009-12-09T06:19:00.000-08:00

drama on saturday surprisingly went awesome. maybe it's cause of the adrenaline, and the whole atmosphere, the ad-libs were really great. haha! sheik was awesome, tukang roti kiram salam sudah!
haha good memories..
i just have little regrets cause i made some mistakes with the lightings, may not be obvious but they're still mistakes.
abang's friends are supposed to come today, and for that, i had to clean up the house while my mom sent adik to the dentist. in the end, they didn't come and i missed the post-drama session for nothing. aiyoo...
haish stomachache now.
haha i love my new hairstyle. wanted to cut it shorter actually, maybe style it to the character Go Mi Nam in You're Beautiful k drama. but i got my haircut before i watched the drama. it's really good. some people compared it to BOF, but they're just different and unique and good in their own ways. there's no reason for comparison.
ok sleepy time...zzzZZZ

2009-12-01T21:04:00.000-08:00

it's been a long tiring empty holiday so far. getting a part time job is so difficult. after the artsfest production, i couldn't get used to not being busy. it felt weird not to be in rehearsal, not pushing ourselves to the limit and stretching ourselves more. and when i wasn't busy the last few weeks, i became useless. what did i do so far? eat, sleep, watch tv/movies, youtub-ing, sometimes i play my instruments, sometimes i go running, i go for chinese class and i come for drama rehearsals, i do sit-ins for kavanagh dance. that's about it. all my holiday resolutions disappeared in a puff of smoke. what happened to all the the things i wanted to do? like read more books, like practice more of my music, like actually working and earning money. but now that i'm stuck in the useless stage, i can't seem to do anything even if i wanted to. point of this whole paragraph, what the shit am i doing??
i read other people's comments on facebook. stuff like 'im going to (so and so country) again'. wahlao...i'll be so damn glad if i can go for a holiday. see the world outside that my bedroom windows can't offer. i'll be so glad if i can even go somewhere, see something, experience something new. even if it's to indonesia or even over the causeway to johor to do prawn fishing.
it's been 2 months since we had a family dinner. my brother is supposed to come home from australia tomorrow but he is extending his stay so that he can visit the coral reefs. all i can think of is that when he comes home, i'll need to fight with him for the computer. but even those arguments, i miss them. (i won't say i miss him. i don't.)
i haven't been blogging because there is mothing to blog about. aiya...
in school, in bilik melayu, blogging now.
drama production is on 5 dec.
this is one of the most unsure moments of my life.
siti and i had an interesting talk just now in the ava room. hahaha... i hope all those fantasies and wishes of ours will come true. which reminds me of one thing. no matter how busy, or how 'mature' or how experienced we are, i think we all wish for the same basic thing. it's just that expectations and tight schedules cloud our innocence, but it's still there. so when will it come out again?

2009-11-03T05:12:00.000-08:00

Don't tell us our energy is dropping, teach us how to recharge and direct our energy properly.
Don't tell us we were wrong, tell us what our mistakes were so we can correct them, learn and not do them again.
Don't tell us we were good or acceptable or good for a first try or not bad or there's a lot to work on but for now it's ok, teach us how to be better.
Just don't patronise us. If we really made a mistake, don't soften on us. We deserve whatever there is because of that mistake and we deserve to learn too. Just don't go all defensive and harsh and pointing your fingers at us when we don't even realise our mistake. If you want to scold us fine, but we want to know too what exactly is the problem with us.

2009-10-28T07:21:00.001-07:00

got back all my results today...overall GPA is 3.49. missed my targeted GPA by 0.01. yup i aimed for 3.5. yeesh...but my parents are satisfied, and i'm ok with it. so i'm happy about it =)
i decided to go home instead of going for rehearsal cos i'm still feeling sick. so i went home and slept for 3 hrs. other than that, i ate.. check for updates and filed my chem journal. i took 2 hrs. who knew pasting and sticking and organizing can take so long? so...i need to study for chem quiz tmr. dots...and i have to present our grp's business plan tmr. why is it so...not looking forward to tmr.
i've studio recording tmr. shit. im so dead meat. my notes are all wrong. shall go prac tmr cos no time tonight =( i'm not so bad. just can't hit a few notes. like i'll remember how it sounds but what comes out is different. and rhythm. aiya.. lots of work. i hope my head don't conk again tmr.

2009-10-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

i'm tired of being tired. sighss...
got back my results. humanities + eng + maths are good by my standards. physics is so-so. and i just passed bio and chem. i told myself i won't regret my last EYA. just do my best. i told myself that. somehow somewhere along the line something went wrong. this year ends really bad. part of it it's due to the circumstances like H1N1, so we couldn't have trainings and then i had to miss last training cos of ArtsFest. so it's just bullshit. i mean i love being in ArtsFest but Ohana is family and shit i hate to choose something over them. no, this is forced to. i almost couldn't go for POP chalet. i told mum the night before she was just like "No" but somehow she relented? she just sort of let me go. then on saturday morning, i called her and found out that we were supposed to go to my cousin's house. and i didn't know anything about it. i told her that we would end in the morning but it'll probably drag. and somehow she heard it as early morning. she planned to leave at 10.30. even if i leave chalet at 8, i can only reach home almost 10 and what the hell makes her thing that i can prepare by 10.30 to go to my cuz's place? i'll be freaking tired. i need 2 days to wear off saturday's prac. and i haven't had a good rest the whole week cos i had to prepare for options' assessment. i enjoy it but it's mentally tiring, and it's just arranging camera angles. tomorrow, during free block, i have to start editing the clips already. it's fun but why do all the things i enjoy doing taking a big toll on me? and how can i say that i don't wanna do them?? and what just pisses me off is her making plans without informing me. i mean shit if you wanna do things as a family then bloody well do it as a family. and what's with the attitude problem over the phone? i know i always get defensive around you, but you didn't have to mock my way of talking. you're my mum, i love you but please...
i'm supposed to finish my composition, about halfway through. i'll just leave it for tomorrow.
currently i'm sick. had fever last friday, after rehearsal suddenly i felt my body was really warm. when i got home, i bathed, didn't have appetite so i just drank milo and ate a few biscuits, then my temp shot really high. i felt i was burning. and i almost couldn't touch the floor cos it was so cold. i kept tearing. maybe it was also cos i was watching Hotel Rwanda. damn good show. all the while even today, i had this feeling like i wanted to vomit and i have this really bad stomachache that my mum just passes off as gas, like my stomach is bloated. i don't know what...?
i thought of going to the doctor tomorrow, get an mc, but then there's bills. which is ironic cos here i am using the comp. and if i get an mc, i can't do editing tmr and i need to go for rehearsals. i haven't memorise my lines. shit. somehow doing this artsfest is a way of making whatever wrong things right. or to salvage something, i don't know what. part of why this year is ending badly is an accumulation of all the previous years. the things i haven't done enough. like i hadn't contributed enough to rcy, perbayu. and not being committed enough in my studies. and if i can do one thing to the max, be satisfied. just one. perhaps my biggest regret is that i couldn't be a better senior. we laugh when mrs shirley tan said "pass the baton" but i don't even have a baton to pass. the whole of the month, i kept playing over and over again, the things i should've done. maybe i could've listen more to everybody, i should complain less. i don't know what i've done to help others, to impact others' life. i'm not trying to be a hero. i just want to be a good person. and doing the musical. leaving a fond memory for the crew, the audience, making them smile and laugh and cry and just catch a moment of life and share it with them and make a wonderful night to remember, will rectify a small portion of it.

2009-07-30T05:31:00.001-07:00

Whoo...! It's been a really jam packed week. Haven't had a decent sleep since last week. But now that's geog pt is finally over... Yes i'll get a good night's rest tonight =D I'm like dead now. I came home at about 7.45 from Loewen's. Sighs... five years olds can be adorable and so annoying.

I came across this song entitled 'I love you' sang by Choikang Changmin. Then I found out that the song was actually from a band called Position. Then I found out that the song was originally a japanese song sang by Yutaka Ozaki. His voice is like wow...kinda like country style, husky and warm. but he died at the age of 26 due to drug overdose. Such a waste... sighs... and this song was adapted into a korean version. The lyrics aren't the same but both are beautiful :D

Japanese version:
I love you
Just for now, I don't want to hear sad songs
I love you
Escaping and escaping, I finally got to this room

This isn't a love where I was forgiven for everything
The two of us are like abandoned cats
This room is like an empty box, covered in fallen leaves
So you, with a crying voice like a kitten's...

On this creaking bed, instead of holding gentleness
If we can hold each other tightly
and then we'll close our eyes again
with a sad song, for this love not to fade

I love you
The two of us, who are too young
There's an untouchable secret in our love
I love you
I can't arrive at that, in my life right now

The love that piles up and lives on as one
We're only seeing a dream and being hurt
hearing "I love you" over and over,
You can't even go on living without this love

On this creaking bed, instead of holding gentleness
If we can hold each other tightly
and then we'll close our eyes again
with a sad song, for this love not to fade

Korean version:
I love you
There is nothing else I can say to you but 'I love you'
I love you
It seems to have become meaningless but I love you
What use is it now?
We’re going our separate ways
I know we can’t go back<
But I want to hold on to you however I can

I know we’ll meet again someday, if not in this lifetime
I shouldn’t show you a single tear drop
Leave me with the smile that made me fall in love with you
With that one smile, I will always be able to find you again

I love you
Do you remember the trembling feeling I first felt for you?
I love you
I’ve only just realised these words you said
I believed that our love wasn’t meant to be
Because it was too beautiful
Just as I was about to turn away
Like a dream, you came to me with your love<

I know we’ll meet again someday, if not in this lifetime
Leave me with the smile that made me fall in love with you
With that one smile, I will always be able to find you again
If we meet again someday, let’s make a promise

Let’s try not to love each other in this painful, easily separating kind of love

Currently I am annoyed cos I came across a fantastic song and now I forgot its title and I can't find it!

2009-07-19T04:52:00.000-07:00

funny thing is, i had wondered when i might get a break from my busy schedule and then BOOM! all arts fest cast have been quarantined cos one of us was H1N1 positive. and they wouldn't tell us who she is. sighs... LOA has been ok. slept a lot, cooked a lot (my mum made me since i'm at home. sheesh) and watched a lot of dbsk videos as well =D have to get back to sch tmr. which i guess it's a gd thing. the past week has been hectic as in aimless. yupp.

2009-07-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

I'm really going crazy. My mum asks "Why are you doing this?" and even I ask myself that. Always asking that question. But I keep on thinking why not? WHY NOT? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and it's always been something I want to do so why not? I guess it's something to do with being the last year in RG. I want to leave with a sackful of memories and experiences and good times and wonderful friends.
When I wanted to take up the modern jazz class last year, I thought why not? When I joined up FDC and ArtsFest and then cheerleading, why not? Sure it's crazy but I'm doing things that I love so, why not. I think my mum or anybody else should be happy for me because I have my own life that is outside of the books. They should be happy I'm living for something. I have a purpose. I have a focus.
My mum's only complaining now because she had no idea how my schedule was for semester 1. First there was FDC followed by ArtsFest. Then there was cheerleading and YMC CSP. and there was house stuff and CmPs took quite some time from after-school-hours. And I still crazily took third lang. And what about madrasah, piano class, tuition and giving tuition?? And my GPA for midyears was 3.33. That is the highest overall GPA EVER in my RG life. It may not compare much to those who got 3.5 or above but I managed all that, and with help of friends, produced good results. And right now, what I'm thinking is why can't I do that again?
By taking up the school musical, my semester 2 will be packed with (besides school): 3rd lang, cheerleading, modern jazz+ballet+helping out with other stuff at kavanagh dance, madrasah, tuition, giving tuition, piano and the rehearsals. It's about the same as the first semester. And the second semester is a lot shorter.
Maybe I'll die doing all these but at least I'll die smiling.
I really want to be in the National Day parade (school). It will be another chance for me to wear the RCY uniform before we pass out. But rehearsals for that will clash with so many other stuff.
I'm really grateful to Madame Loan. Knowing that I can't make it for french remedials, she sent me extra homework etc through email. At least I know, I have help from her. She's encouraging me to go on because she knows that although I'm weak, I'm still trying to improve my french. I'm trying my best.
Always, throughout my life, I believed that process is what counts the most. If results do not turn up, too bad, I tried and did the best I could. I'll learn from my mistakes and I'll make it work next time. Although this has been a positive thing to bear in my mind, I guess it made me a little too complacent. If my results suck, I tried and I did my best. But looking back, was that really my best? Is my capability that much? Why am I underestimating myself?
I guess stress is a good thing. At least for me, it is. With the sudden change in my schedule, I know a lot better now what is important, what should be prioritised and when it should be prioritised. Sure, by committing to this musical I might lose out in other areas. Kavanagh dance might retract their scholarship. I might suck more at piano because I'll have even less time to practice.
But this time, I really wanna make it right. It's not just about thinking that I've given my all, reassuring myself that I have done just that, but actually really making it work. And this time, I'll make it work. I'll pull off the musical. I can always take jazz and piano exams next year. If I lose the dance scholarship, it's ok. I can get a part time job next year for the fees or something. I'll get my french results up and I'll sit for the DELF exam in Nov. I'll make it.
Right now, everything might just seem too much and that I'm way over confident with myself. But then again, if I don't start off really optimistic, I'd lose my engine a lot faster. Make it or break it. Right now, I just choose to go for it. Try my best. If I really can't cope, well, I'll do something about it. I'll find a solution. I'll find a way.
I just hope that I'll have my family and friends' support throughout the entire way. And if I'm sidetracking in anyway, if I'm losing focus or I become a bad bitch with attitude problem etc, please please bring me right back to earth even if you have to literally slap my head off.

Arts fest, CSP

2009-03-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

woah... arts fest is over. it's a happy and sad thing? happy cos i can stop telling half truths to my mum abt why i come home so late, and cos yearmates wldn't have to tell half truths or lies to their parents either. happy cos our hard work is paid off :D and sad cos the experience is over. oh mann... and it's a sad thing that i can't finish this off without having regrets. so to get it off my chest, i'll list them down.
1) i could have come up with better choreography
2) we could've been more productive during sessions, and not have all the editting done last minute
3) i couldve contributed more eg the purchasing of costumes
4) leaving comp halfway for csp
5) getting mad at artsfest-ers at times
and the good things:
1) it was bluidy fun :D we had a reason to laugh at each other MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA. sneaking into the gym and dance studio was fun as well. but the security guard was bloody rude. wth.
2) we get to bond (heh)
3) we get to pig!!! heh bread and tuna. and snackers. and 1.5 litre bottle drinks. pop corn.
4) and i eventually found out taka has a fountain inside of it when siti and i went to shop for FOOD
5) we get to urm use make up in a very urm unique way. haha. who says we have to be girl-y to use make up. hahAA. i think the reaction we got from other competitors and audiences who saw us was priceless. HEHEEE
6) spending time with darling yearmates and sara and carey; it wouldn't be smthg i would trade for anything else

in the end, all the times i smacked huan ying and siti for pulling my hair when tying it, and all the hair loss when pulling out the plastic hair ties, and all the body ache, and all the laughing at each other, and the falling and crawling and rolling on the floor, and the sweat, was paid off :) 1st runners-up baybeh! and kudos to year 3s and year 2s for their hardwork!!!!!! champs and 1st runners-up. woots!!!
---
After performing, siti, ain, sara, and i left for CSP. spent slightly more than 1/2 hr washing the make up of (didn't get to take pics :/). took cab to YM. the uncle didn't know where it was so we asked him to take us to VS. he didn't know where it is. so siti called fidz to get the address. in the cab, we pulled each other's hair some more, trying to remove the hair ties. i loss more hair. and the rest was super tangled up. i broke sara's comb :/
got to YM. i was very very pleasantly surprised when i saw ppl who were beforehand mia like Izzat, and volunteers like Saufi and Syafiq. thanks SO MUCH for coming to help us out. it went a lot better than i thought it could. kudos to fidz and all the GL for handling the kids (5 year olds!). and all the ingenious ways you guys used to distract the kids like playing musical chairs, showing videos of VS dikir barat (whatever fidz) etc even though it wasn't in the programme. that's really brilliant.
Sara and I were in the back room doing up the prizes. it was fun ah. we starting counting oreos and wan wans and mentos sweet (each wrapper has a single sweet, not the long kind. imagine!) to make sure each hamper had equal number of food stuff in it. and we folded and refolded the csp shirt so that it can fit into the A4 lid. and we sorted the notebooks. and then we wrapped everything into hampers! thanks to abang raz and ahmed and firz and syafiq for helping us wrap them. i screwed up the scotchtape, keep tearing it then had to pick the egde again and tearing it. but i could do it in the end! hah!
reflection was really screwed up ah.. in my head i was just like 'i'm glad this is over so that all the bullshit can't ever happen again' unless we're doing another CSP which is not likely. there could've been many things i think that a lot of ppl would have said but those things weren't said. i personally was filtering through my words and then said a much different thing from what i intended to say. oh well. and i was really wow at saufi for seeing through to the heart of things.
then asar-ed at YM. then miza and ain took photos with abang raz. then abg raz carried wiz and ziyad. haha that was funny. then fidz, wiz and ziyad had to leave for VS (bbq at night?!) and then waited for maghrib along with siti, miza, ain, sara, firz and syafiq. and there was a rainbow!!! 2 RAINBOWS! pretty seh... took photographs, started singing and doing the siti jump! being crazyy.
then maghrib-ed. then went to KFC at parkway parade, waited for VS to come. then makan! that was my first burger in months. then... oh the VS ppl were being weird as usual XD dunno what they were doing, laughing and laughing. and then we ate. and oh!!damn pissed man. i wanted to clear my own tray.isn't that like the natural and right thing to do?? but the cleaner took the tray away from my hand. wth. singaporeans are damned pampered. or rather we are being pampered by 'services'. so..urgh..
k fine, and then we played truth or dare. shall try to remember what happened. miza kena, and chose truth. shoot, marry, shag between wiz, fidz, and ziyad. i choked on my coke :/ she shot wiz, married ziyad, shagged fidz. haha siti was like 'i bet wiz's happy being shot by you'. then dares included wiz showing some random person an sms saying 'someone's interested in someone.', ziyad asking a cleaner 'hi may i take your order please?' haha the cleaner was like 'i dunno, you ask the counter.' uhm..oh i had to do truth. the most mushiest thing i've ever said to a guy. that was dumb. then. firz did a dare, langgar someone and said 'oh sayang'. and fidz had to do truth on whom he's attracted to. haha miza and i were like 'either... or...'. XD
then balik! took 966 back with miza, ain, sara and siti and syafiq. then fidz smsed asking to wait. all of us except for miza and syafiq got off at CJC. then ain, sara and siti took 105 straight to jurong east. and so i waited. it was uhm long. phone batt died. wth. then, took a 966 bus abt 45 min later, hoping fidz's inside but he wasn't, then the bus moved off to bukit panjang. and fidz board the bus at some busstop at bukit panjang o.O cos apparently i missed the one he was in. so we talked on the way back. and then yeah, balik and mandi and TIDUR!
all in all it was actually quite a fun day.

2009-03-05T05:32:00.000-08:00

i should be studying chemistry. because there is spa tomorrow. but i really can't bring myself to care anymore. part of my brain says, "it's ok, let the school stress more if we aren't doing well in chemistry." i wonder if they care in the first place?
god, the irony of it all. wholistic education yadayadayada... if there's any school that never follows what it says, it's our school. our school has a history of twisting everything such that they fool us into getting their way.
"developing potentials and talents". nope, not really. i've never really understood why we have to go through trials to get into CCA, congress and all the leadership position. sure, it helps to narrow down those who can benefit the organization/club. but since when do the sch have a right to say that some people don't have enough of the leadership skills/quality to make it into the PSB etc? what happened to developing talents and developing a student's potential? yeah someone may suck at badminton or what not, but with hardwork and dedication, that person can be a wonderful player. potential turn into talent. not all is about winning the gold medal and bringing home the challenge trophy. sure we'd love to make the school proud; raise its name. but i think it's time we start doing it for the right reasons.
and all the talk about sportsmanship, generousity and humbleness goes to nothing if what the school is all about is the oh-so prestigious name, the glam and the spotlight (literally). and the irony of collecting ORA funds. quote "we should remember that during this times of economic crisis, there are those who need our help". somewhere along those lines. and here we are, celebrating our 130th anniversary tomorrow, with props that amount to don't know how many hundreds of thousands of dollars. seriously, a light that causes about 10 k each? and how many lights do we have? how about many. plus the pretty pretty costumes that cost a few hundred per costume? yeah, way to go being compassionate during times of economic crisis.
if there's a reason why singapore would go bankrupt one day, i suppose it will be rgs celebrating their 150th anniversary. maybe they'd fly the whole sch to the moon.
---
hmmm...i wonder if whatever i've said is actually banned here. too bad.

2009-02-27T21:04:00.000-08:00

the last 2 weeks have been really crazy. this week especially. ive always dislike suspense. it's like taking a deep breath before taking the plunge. i hate the anxiety, the thought whether that breath is sufficient for to make it through before we could have another breath.
we have 5 papers and 1 practical next week. so much for spread out. i'd already cried twice this week, first was on tuesday after rs. i didn't know really why i'd cried, it just came out i suppose. just to give me some relief. survival instinct, we'd always want to shelter ourselves. but yeah being stress sucks. thanks to hamizah, afiqah, anu and qiqi who were there to comfort me and to give me a hug and a pat on the shoulders. and the rest of the classmates who were present who didn't ask me what was wrong. silent moral support. that was really nice.
on friday i cried again, but it was pure anger. and then there was the stress as well. i should have better control. it's bad having spectators to your pain. it's bad having to have people see you at your most vulnerable point. no, not embarassing. everybody has their breaking point. i just don't like pity.

Flying without wings- Westlife

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cause who's to know
Which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine

And it's like flying without wings
'Cause you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

2009-02-27T20:51:00.000-08:00

my family misses anu. it's been almost 2 weeks since she'd gone. 2 weeks. i didn't even realise time just went by so fast. anu came into our lives about a month ago. and we took care of her for 2 weeks, before her mom decided to have her back. i miss her. i wish i had taken more photos of her. i still remember how she would cry just so that one of us would carry her and walk her around. and everytime someone slid his/her hands under her shoulders to lift her up, she would crane her neck up as if impatient for us to already carry her. and once we carried her, she would stop crying. she love to smile and laugh. she would giggle and then throw this big toothless grin, her two perfect dimples showing. and that little giggle, that little laugh. i doubt anybody can resist smiling back at her. and we all did crazy things just to please her. i spent goodness knows how long doing peek-a-boo just so she would laugh. and her dark brown eyes would glow. she's a happy baby. and i hope she'll grow up to be a happy kid. i remembered carrying her to the piano. she started squirming when i sat down, she didn't like being put down. i opened the piano cover, played a few keys. she got interested i suppose, and then she was leaning forward to press her fist on the keys. it was super cute. she was hitting the keys and smiling.

my mum had to return her to her mother on the 14th of february. i wasn't there to say goodbye, give her one last kiss and carry her one last time. i had already gone to school. i don't know when we can ever see her again. but i've a feeling that those 2 weeks are the only times we would have together. i just hope that wherever she is, or she would be, she'd always be happy and smiling and laughing.

2009-02-15T03:35:00.000-08:00

i am so far back in my revision. i ought to kill myself. let's see my maths assignments are not done. but they aren't due anytime soon. i shouldn't be thinking of getting ahead in math when there's so many thing else i haven't catch up on. chem QA is this coming thurs. actually, it's not so bad. i just need to cramcramcram and rememberrememberremember all the details. so it's basically hardcore memorising. what else? i'm suppose to do a book review on ayat-ayat cinta. but after reading the book, i realy don't know what to write. i was crying my eyeballs out especially at the last third of the book. reading the book remind me so much of all the sins and mistakes that i've done. and i feel so small. so helpless. so dependent. i cried in my prayers. i chided myself for letting myself drift futher and further away from Him. I felt embarassed i wasn't as particular about my prayers as i should have. i felt stupid for not giving my 200% concentration when i pray and instead, think of stuff like maths. i cried for not able to be a better sister and daughter and friend. and i just prayed in the end, i can be a better person, and maybe others can find a better friend than me.
---
saturday was a bitter sweet day for me.
it was vday. didn't bother me at all. fatihah gave me a ferrero rocher. omg. thanks so much. i was super hungry cos yearmates didn't buy lunch, the school wasn't selling any halal food. so i ate plain biscuits that sally gave me. and then fatihah came with a ferrero rocher. haha
FDC'09 totally rocks. we were great. i really really think we were great. honestly, yearmates and i were worried and all about our standard, our drill. we were frustrated. what more can we say? how much more can we scold? it's not nice to scold. we don't want to. but it's for the better. it's like drinking what, really strong cough medicine? or cod liver-oil? it's really unpleasant, but for the better. and spirit went down the drain at the wrong time, 2 weeks before comp. juniors were dead, we were disheartened by it.
but on saturday morning, when i came to school, juniors were practicing. and i saw 90 degrees hentak and super nice arm swings. i felt so proud. i felt so happy. because there was that chance where we can walk away smiling, no matter what the positions turn out to be, because we gave in our all.
inside the room was mona, lishan and charlotte. khaing zin came in later. and then jiun came. she cried. and i can't not cry when someone cries. i try to tell her that she had to pull it together cos even if her voice is gone, and she can't command, she was out focal point. we'd crumble if she did. but words stuck, khaing zin was there better for her than i was. but she said what i thought. so i was compensated.
we came out. then gave the juniors banana. i wish they can be more responsive. it's like talking to a wall.
and then the sec threes were crying. i hope they realise by now that spirit is what matters. it's not about what we get, it's what we make of what we get. and despite the downfalls, we turn it to make it our strength.
then we change and pack. everything was really hectic. love sally and huan ying so much for helping out.
got on the bus.
reached the school.
omg the nervousness was really killing me. i couldn't stop bouncing or shaking my hands or taping my feet. i had to move. charlotte was getting the jittery from watching me shake. we were number 34. so the wait was long.
first round came.
i made a mistake :/ an obvious one :///
then it was results time. we held hands. i was gripping lishan's and sandra's so hard. and then the emcee announced. we got first-runners up for south zone. woosh..came out my breath. i didn't realise i was holding it. and then i cried a little. but it was joy all around. we were all smiling. then came the results for the top 12 that would get into the finals. we got into the second round.
we were squad c.
we had lunch, i had the biscuits, and then ferrero rocher :D
then it was into the classroom. final practices.
we got called out. omg... waited for the first school to finish.
waited for the second school to finish, at the entrace of the ground where we're suppose to perform our fancy drill.
entered the ground.
i wasn't so nervous as before.
i don't think any of us were.
we were focused.
and i could feel it. the spirit.
finally.
the music start.
and we did our best.
when the results came out and we got first runners up, i didn't feel disappointed. somehow i kind of expected it. i felt that our squad did our best. there was no regrets. at least for me and yearmates. there wasn't any. yearmates felt at peace. there wasn't 'if i had looked up more' etc. we didn't owe ourselves anything. we gave everything. months of effort, none of it was wasted. if we didn't get champs, it wasn't because we weren't good.

it wasn't like the other school was better so we needn't have put in so much effort cos we would've lost anyway. no, we won. we put in our best, our bestest. and let the judges decide. whatever the outcome, we didn't lose our dignity, pride, and our spirit. RGSRCY can live on.

so congratulations to RGSRCY FDC'09. we didn't let ourselves down.

and congratulations to Cedar for being the champion for NFC 2009.

2009-01-26T05:26:00.000-08:00

Trademark- only love
2am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust

But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give our dreams just one more chance
Don't let this be our last goodbye

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

That's something only love can do

"Jacky released me gently and took tissue paper to wipe off my tears. “Remember this. If you ever need me and I’m not around, just wait for me. Because I’ll always be here.”

I nodded.

“I am just like the sun and you the flower. I’ll provide sunlight for you to blossom. Sometimes, clouds will prevent me from reaching you. But you’ll know that I’m always trying to reach you. Just wait for the clouds to clear if you can’t receive my sunlight.”

I nodded. If he kept on talking, I could flood the void deck with my tears.

“Remember: To be happy, you either change the world, or you change your thinking. To be realistic, you have to change your thinking to be happy. But me, I will change the world for you.”

I said nothing because my mouth had been choked with my sobbing.

Gosh oh gosh. Don't wake me up. Please, let time raech a standstill now. Right now. Gosh.
-----

“You’re like the North Pole of a magnet bar, and Jacky is also like the North Pole of a magnet bar. There’s no way for both of you to be close together. There’s a force that’ll always push you both apart. This force is called the obstacle, like interest differences, communication problems and etc.

“However, if you put a metal bar in between, both you magnets will stick to it. And you’ll be close to each other. That metal bar dissolves the force that pushes both of you away. And that metal bar is what we called love.”
-----

“Young lady,” the old man suddenly asked. “Are you just his classmate, a friend?”

He must have been eavesdropping on our conversation. However, I saw no harm in telling him the truth, so I said, “I believe I’m more than that.”

“Alright then, love him while you can. In love, there’s only love or don’t love. Since you love him, do it now.” The old man said. "

- I believe you, Low Kay Hwa

sighs.. i'll get the book soon.

2009-01-22T06:24:00.000-08:00

It's only been almost 3 weeks since school reopen but it feels as though it's been forever. Yes, time does fly by fast but everyday is so dense and compacted with so many things, it feels like we've been trudging through mud.
Tomorrow isn't a half day. I don't understand why. So what if Chinese New Year is only on next monday, doesn't mean we can't celebrate it in school tomorrow. Yeah we have a performance. To watch. Where's the fun in there? There can't even be a class party. Ok, even is we're gonna have lessons, how come we're not even allow to wear red tomorrow? Pantat.
Hmm... this is so sad. Farhan doesn't want to come home. He said he's not good enough for us and that's why he doesn't deserve to be with us. Unbelievable. But he still calls mum 'Ibu', dad 'Pak', me 'kakak' and my brothers 'abang', so there might still be hope. We celebrated his 10th birthday on 17th jan. His birthday was on 16th jan. Imagine that to be the first time someone celebrates his birthday. The first time that even he celebrates his own birthday. 16th january had always been another ordinary day for him. I hope he turns out well. He's a good kid. He didn't deserve the way he was brought up. If my family can't be the family for him, someone damn well find him a good one soon.

first week of school

2009-01-08T04:55:00.000-08:00

It's only been officially the 4th day of school (first 2 days were sort of orientation, welcome back to school kind of thing) and i've got work up to my eyeballs. actually i bet almost all sec 4s are pretty worked up right now. i have so many commitments, i shocked myself when i counted my commitments with yearmates in the room on wednesday.
sigh...so i have 3 proposals due this week and 3 tests to study for next week. big deal... i have to stay positive. =) this have got to work.
i have been a good girl so far, i did not fall asleep in class, paid attention in most classes *grins* i've been reading 'Eclipse' under the table. it's quite fun, the excitement and the thrill of almost getting caught. i think that Mrs Teo might have thought I was asleep for 3/4 of her lesson. Physics was one lesson I could divert my attention, she was revising last year's work so it wasn't like i was missing major stuff.
this year, i've got mostly the good teachers. and now i should really work my ass off. i should get a 3.6 so that i can do a H2 in JC. shouldn't be hard right? i mean my last year GPA was only 3.04. sigh..sometimes the only way is to lie bluntly to yourself.
ok so got to go start on one of the proposals.
and she says "be carefull..." maybe all my life I think I might have been too carefull.

New Year Resolution

2009-01-03T05:05:00.000-08:00

School has started again. It still feels like a dream. I'm moving in this phase where I'm trying to get out of this holiday mood, and to remind myself that, fortunately and unfortunately, that I have responsibilities. Instead of the four terms that we have, we will only have three terms this year. Time will fly by realy quick. And I'm scared. But still excited. Apprehensive.

My class' form teacher is Mrs Teo Poh Poh and our CLET is Dr Slatter. Seems like a good year ahead. I just gotta keep my head above the water. I have those few people who believe in me, and I've put my faith in people who I know can and would hurt me because I couldn't hurt them. So it's time for me to believe in myself. To be satisfied in what I can do. To learn from what I cannot do. Obstacles be damned.

Lately, I'd enjoyed watching Twilight. There's been so many contradictions of opinions. Some of my friends think that the movie is too boring, because there is more of lovey-dovey scenes rather than action. But by book, it is suppose to be that way, hell the movie would've been longer if it really followed the book.

But I don't mind. Story, music and setting, of course the acting skills are what really matter. Action is just a bonus. Dad says I should get a boyfriend like Edward Cullen. I'm really amused. He said "I don't mind being a vampire. We get to see the world."

Let me sign

Oh
Standing by a broken tree
Her arms all twisted
She's pointing at me

I was damned by the light coming
Over as she
She spoke with a voice
That disrupted the sky

She said "Walk on over, yeah
to this bit of shade
I'll wrap you in my arms"
And she said "Let me sign
Let me sign."

Rob Pattison is an amazing song writer and singer. He puts so much emotion in his songs, the lyrics, the melody and his voice is so beautiful.

2008-12-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

Events that had happened the past month:
1)Tcamp
2)got to know im a mass dance capt
3)ICYL
4)MT Symposium organized by Xinmin sec
5)FDC

This holiday, i've just been spending my days reading, watching tv, sleeping, eating, and gg to sch, doing maths. somehow my days are all filled up. im still very surprised im in fdc. i also had the thought that wow man this fdc ppl are so pro. and im in the squad as well. unbelievable.
ok it's official, i like jay sean's songs
what's there left to say? there actually a lot of things i guess i have to blog abt. but im lazy. the only reason why im blogging is cos im in sch. aft fdc training. dun haf any internet or access to computer at home. crap.
this week is the last jazz lesson. so sad. hopefully i can work enough to pay for the jazz exam. and then i can start paying for my phone bills. it's time to be independant. it sounds nice but it's actually scary. oh wells..all the big concept of the future.
next yr is gonna be effing busy. what did i get myself into??? im gonna start greying then balding. nawww... i love my hair. but i feel like layering agn cos it's hot in singapore. bleargh. where's all my planning to exercise? went out the window. but lucky there's fdc training. heh or i'll be one fat ass.
cheetah girls 3 is a bit weird. i dun rly know how to describe, just weird. the songs are different in style and mood. it's not so much harmonising (as cheetah girls 2) but it's more about the glam. and yeah... what if would sound nicer if sabrina sings it.

2008-10-25T06:47:00.001-07:00

A lot of things have happened since my last post. For one, EYAs are over, I've got the results back and the only thing my mum has to say to me about it is 'Why is it so bad?'. Haiz... thanks for the motivation and all.
Had batch raya on the 2 days of marking day. It was ok. Got rather bored at some time on the first day so I brought a book along on the second day. And bloody hell I ate a lot. Second day was rather tiring cos we went out from 9 to 9. God how come the teachers' houses are all so pretty??. Mrs Mo's house is like a show house, the model house man. Was so scared to sit anywhere in case I mess the sofa up. So sad didn't go cg rozy's place cos it got pretty late. Big thanks to Farah and Lenny for letting their dads hantar me home on both nights =)
Hmm... I realise that Miley Cyrus' song isn't so bad. Just that her voice spoils some songs. She can't really control her voice. That's sad. Her pitching is ok. Just the voice itself.
Anything interesting that happened? Hmm... I realise that all this while I still miss that dude. Damn.. On thursday, we had MTV hip hop dance workshop. Or so they say. Wah i felt cheated. I really thought it was going to be a MTV hip hop dance workshop. I was so elated when Char told me the schedule for Thursday. But it turned out to just be a hip hop dance workshop. It wasn't even hip hop..it's a cross between hip hop and jazz. Who thought that the school would contact Kavanagh dance? And chloe knowing that didn't tell me. Aiyo... didn't even plan to go up on stage and I just sort of had to bcos Mrs Kavanagh ask me to go up along with Chloe. Anyway, I landed wrongly on my left leg so I'm nursing a twisted ankle. Hmm... talked to Julie Hoo or rather she talked to me. That was so unexpected. But then again everything's so unexpected.
Friday had this one interesting talk by Tim Wade. Funny funny dude. Double major in psychology. Super cool. Kaes gtg for now. Shall edit this stuff some other time. Dunno when. Mum's gonna freak if she knows im blogging on dad's laptop.

WADE ROBSON

2008-10-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

Im done feeling shit abt what happened last night. anyway shall talk abt my new idol. *DRUMROLLS* Wade Robson! woots! *claps*.

Why i wanna be like him? He's everything i aspire to be. aside from the really cute face and hot bod, he's an inspirational person from his work right down to his characteristics. he's a choreographer, dancer, music producer/writer, director (of films and tours). how freaking cool is that?!?! he started his dance class like 14? and directed britney spears' tour when he's 19. at 19 i wonder what will i do... he's perfectionist, very attentive to details and i assume a neat freak too. all that im trying to be. apparently not working, my room is in a mess. AND he's married. how cool is that?

given a choice who i wanna meet, i will definitely meet him. someone take me to him =D

im finding it hard to believe im (not) in heaven

2008-10-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

im mugging physics. blearghhh... progressing :) im listening to covers at the same time. my all time favourite heaven by bryan adams. some cover sucks. but i just have to talk about this two amazing singers..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq3R8JvA8Ag&feature=related
my god.. the way he pull his voice is like wow!!! amazing...the accent kinda slurred some words but it's ok

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9PB9z0kwzE
i've a feeling this dude is like playing the piano/keyboard and singing. uber cool! this is the most professional videos i have ever seen. and yeah his voice is wonderful. but he pronounces HEAVEN as EAVEN. and that kinda bothers me. heh.

mugging physics.

2008-09-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

that's it. french controle over at last and time to focus on my other subjects. but like now im not in the mood to study. it's my night off after dragging and rolling in french ytd and this morn to aftnoon. but mum's pissed cos i watched tv for 45 min which she claimed that it's 1 hr. wth.. then she said there's no pt in me nt gg raya cos i won't study and end up watching tv. wth. i nv said i didnt wanna go raya. i just said i wan it to be shortened. at least for me, they can continue if they want. they shld since farhan is joining us. my god the way she just twisted my words.

im not panicking for exams so im worried.

anyway there's this movie i wanna watch it's called an american mall. funny name but oh well. there's one song i particularly like entitled 'clear'.

On my way, though I don't know where I'm going
On a road that's dark and long
On my way, but I'm fearful that I could be lost
That the path I have chosen might be wrong

When will it be clear that I made the right choice
When can I be sure that I know my own voice
I dream of a day when I'm free from doubt
Where fate winds out
And I overcome my fear
Clear

I don't know where to search for answers
In a world that is afraid
Will I find my strength
And discover who I really I am
Or retreat every time when I don't care

When will it be clear that I made the right choice
When can I be sure that I know my own voice
I dream of a day when I'm free from doubt
Where fate winds out
And I overcome my fear
Clear

I've been told that we learn from our mistakes
But I just don't know how many mistakes it takes
I'm trying so hard to let down my guard
Maybe right now, right here

Clear, that I made the right choice
Sure, that I know my own voice
This is the day when I'm free from doubt
Where fate winds out
And I overcome my fear
Clear

k i shall go slp now. so not in the sch mood.

i wanna have someone to talk to. but it seems like i can never find one. i dunno.. it may be that im the one who's too quiet that i dun talk my heart out to someone. but i haven't actually been able to find that someone to rly pour out to. i guess i dnt mind talking to some of my frens. but i doubt they'd be able to understand the extent of how i rly fl on certain matters n wont be able to say the things to settle my unrest mind. somehow wat i fl and think is like another universe from theirs. what i find important they dnt and vice versa. and tho i haf brothers, im sry but they aren't that significant a role right now. lyk they are there but they are not there. i miss talking to my elder bro but it's not the same now. my esteem of him has dropped and he's always too bz to sit and talk. if there's someone i wanna talk to it'd be my dad. he'd understand. our tempers are similar and yet unlike. but my mind i believe is mostly like his. and he would appreciate what i have to say and counsel me rightly. my mum, she's too straightforward. her mind does not accept abstract. im just sry that we can't be best frens like how some girls are with their mum. or maybe i read too many books.

2008-09-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

I shall try to make this entry as short as possible because Im not even suppose to do this. Basically, Im depressed and the only thing that can cheer me up is the fact that I have a new brother, farhan. He's smart, sweet, sensitive, and very matured for his age. He's younger than Idris but I dare say he is more matured than Idris is. I have to get him something to fill his time here. If not he'd be bored to death.

Why I am depressed:

1) The fact that I still can't get over the fact that I missed POP chalet. Mum didn't let me go cos of puasa. She said by going, I'll be teaching myself the wrong thing. I still don't get her and Im not gonna attempt to understand her. I personally don't see what's wrong with it and it pains me more that she didn't even bother explaining to me what is so wrong. To me it's just one thing. She doesn't trust me enough to be able to choose the people I wanna be with. In other words she doesn't trust my yearmates and it rly hurts. Fun to my mum is as dangerous as cancer. She doesn't like me having too much fun. True, POP chalet is meant for fun. But the main reason i wanna go is cause i wanna give something back to the people that i love and will dearly miss for many time to come. and being i/c of it is suppose to ensure that i do get heavily involved in it. and so i'd be content that i have done my part. by not letting me go, she's taken my last opportunity to be closer to them and to express my unsaid gratitude to them. i guess that i just have to be happy that i did do my part with the presents. but i still shall not be that happy. everytime i see the picture of ohana and akaibatsu at the chalet, i just can't help thinking i shldve been there. too bad there's no way to turn back time.

2) I missed the afternoon when the ma'ams handed over the rooms. can't do anything abt it rly.had geog remedial.

3) I feel guilty that I didn't put in much effort in CSP but hopefully with access to me dad's laptop it shall be better.

4) The anxiety of term 4 is starting its effects on me. shant elaborate.

5) I'm still unhappy with the capsule notes. What i said was very very superficial. I guess i was very scared of their opinions should i go in depth of how i really feel. And now my greatest regret is the things i didn't say. I still remember how I hated them. I kept thinking 'So what if i drag? What can you do to me?' ap back then. but now i am jealous of my sec 1 self cos even if i hated them at sec 1, it wasn't too long aft that when my views began to change. and if i bcame a sec 1 agn i shall have much more time with them than the numbered days i have now.

M&M VS ACDC

2008-08-22T06:08:00.000-07:00

haha... omg... charlotte recently told me abt the acdc crew vs the m&m cru. i just watched it online. haiz... see... that's how slow i am... haiz...
hmmm... both crews were great. are great sorry. they have nice moves but i rly think the acdc crew has a lot more style, humour, character. and when i watched them i cld fl that they rly had fun doing it. their dance was a lot more organized. there was also actually more dance, amazing steps. and it's not only like ppl showing off their own thing, their own style but all of them were actually doing the same choreography so it shows their versatality. like they don't only break but they can also do hip hop kinda thing. it's damn nice and damn synchro and woots!!!
and they have the hottest ppl ever!!! when i saw adam i was alr screaming on the inside. hah.. cant scream out loud or my mum will shout her mouth off. omg..when i saw nlt i was alr like OOOHHH!!! hoTTT!!! then there's robert hoffman. CHRIS BROWN! Hok and Lacey! JABBAWOCKEEZ!!! ok syidah stop it. control... XD
hmmm... m&m is ok bcos they have great dancers like channing tatum. god...imagine having contacts with these great hot amazing ppl. some ppl are just so lucky. but i didnt rly see miley and mandy doing much dance. they danced at the beginning of the clips but then i didn't see them almost all the way towards the end. the crew is ok but the leaders themselves...urm...i know miley did some cheerleading stuff like bridge and stretching the leg backwards towards the head and there was the pyramid. but then again cheerleading isn't exactly the same as dancing right? i dnt think it's fair for ppl to comment that miley and mandy can't dance since we dnt rly see them anyway. but i hoped to see more of them :) the lifts during the 1st reply is great. haizz...ive always imagined and fantasized what it's like to have a strong guy carrying me and flipping me ard without me breaking my neck. and there shldve bn more choreography for everyone to do together instead of doing their own style almost all the time. yupp2. hmm.. m&m was more glam and more girl hip hop stuff. kinda expected.
haha personally i prefer the acdc. k..kinda biased what with the hot ppl in there. nlt!cb!... :D
oh well in the end it's all about the fun of dancing :)
hmm...have my jazz performance tmr.im so not ready :( k, it's off to mug now.. haiz.. why do we have to take exams?!?!?!

2008-08-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

Ah... tired of my blogskin. shall change it when i have the time. so when will that be??? i dunno... haiz... i dread this week. so much things do. and i rly rly hate the anticipation and the anxiety of having to go through next wk.
this wk we have chem SPA on wed. bloody moles. hmm... i'm I/C for wed's training. loads of stuff nt settled yet :/ then YMC meeting this sat (tentative). i'm so screwed. logs i/c and what have logs done so far? near to ntg. what the hell. shall go shop for the logs stuff this friday. hmm... jazz performace this sat. so screwed. can't do proper pirrouetes. ahh!!!!!!!! k chill.. one step at a time. damn scared for french controle this thurs :/ tummy ache.
stupid. tuition got canceled today and we didn't know. so siti and i happy happy (or not so happy) go all the way there (esp siti) to find out tuition's canceled. thousand and one wths.
k muggy time. :(
let's make it work.

last thursday

2008-08-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

Oh wow... today's exams are OOOOOOOOOOOOOveRRRRRRRRr! Physics paper was the dumbest paper ever. What weird weird stuff... tachograph and what spikes thing??? okok done and over with. been wanting to blog like ages ago buTTTTTT...aiyo... see what happens when the computer is in the big brother's room. haiz... im at sch now. shhhhhhh...
anyway, last thursday was very eventful. in the morning, i was emo-ish. no la i was just thinking deep. and it rly rly struck me that POP is coming soon. i just realised that somehow i'm just absorbing things in. like a bloody sponge. but nothing rly makes sense. and time is rly passing by and we can't do a damn thing abt it. i swear i thought i was p6 just a few weeks ago with mdm jam and my 6i peeps. and the sad thing is people come and go. and it sucks that we can't keep them, and we cant do anything abt it. :(:( they're leaving and we're letting them leave. so i was in the 190 bus this morning and i saw xxx ma'ams and it rly hit me that i won't be seeing these faces again next yr. and by next yr, we'll all be 16 and our sec 4 ma'ams are like 20?!?!?! we are still kids and they're adults. wOah...
ya allah... farah h, ama, diy and lena nak solat tak solat solat. ketawa ketawa...
hmm... after 3rd lang, i went to the mosque with nesrine. and we talked, it was the first time we spend time together. and it's the first time she's gg to the mosque. so we talked after praying asar, i told her i am half malay half chinese. and she's like 'wow! half malay half chinese people are really pretty'. hmmm...?? i gave her that skeptical look, and told her that i rly think i am an exception. and well, surprisingly, she says that i am pretty. hmmm...? and she sounded real convinced of it. and it seriously surprised me. i mean like ok, i don't see it. i doubt ppl see it. and she's the first person ever to tell me that. i'm not les. but she is the first person to say it. and it's pretty special even if it came from a girl. it's a nice comment but i don't see it so i won't go over the top and start believing it.
quote: "if people call you beautiful often enough, you believe it"

2008-07-11T02:59:00.000-07:00

Sighs... why do i even bother keeping this blog?

3 pts handed in. 3 pts more. plus english speech. cmps. tons of hw. bloody shit. sighs...

Some poems that i wrote.. quite urgh..but oh well

Threading step by step on the pathway
Not knowing how to get there
Humming and singing to fuel the spirit
Loss in evil thoughts and beautiful solitary
Calmness evokes the sixth sense
Through the midst of clouds and the silent blue veil
Two stars shine through the envelope of darkness
What hope lies on the other end?
What joy and glory that pays the tears?
That ends the sentence and heals the fears?
To that, i make upon a wish
One for you and one for me
---
Ku duduk di bangku ini
Inginku memejamkan mata
Izinkan ku berehat seketika

Biarlah matahari berlari tiada henti
Bayu menemani ku kali ini

Ku melemparkan pandangan ke langit luas
Si burung memanggil namaku

Izinkan ku ke mana-mana sahaja
Angin menemani ku kali ini

Air mata menitis dek suara hati
Tiada siapa yang menyedari
Pilihan peribadi, hati menyepi
Jadilah aku hanya menyendiri

Keluh kesah ku lepaskan ke udara
Bayu menemani ku kali ini
---
emo sia.

let's be clean and gr33n!

2008-05-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

Haiz... sooooooooo long ive been gone. anybody miss me? yarriteeee... haha i wonder who ever comes here? urgh.. so many things to do so little tyme.. HAHA myas done.. weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! but still got stupid french controle. stupid stupid stupiddd... my mummy and daddy dun let me quit. wek. haiz.. torn between 2. tcamp? bintan trip? ideas anyone?
lOOking 4wards to rj drama. last yr was NYCE!!! haha can still rmbr the plot. wah.. this yr's plot sounds so cheem. but then again when has it never been cheem? grr.. rp or ib?
rg drama this june. haiz... howhowhow?? shall jiayou and make it rock lyk consert waU!.. haha alif is so the very the extremely adorable. randOm..
wat else's coming up?? ouhhhhhh... CSP! haha we gonna make it rock again. BATU! wooh!
wanna change ma blogskin. dunno how to. pathetic. grr..
OOOOHHHHHHHHHH arts fest ><>
Shall go check csp blog now. :)
adios!

2008-02-22T04:01:00.000-08:00

Wah.. been so long since i updated. Been busy and sometimes just lazy. haha.. so updates..
1. RGSRCY got 3rd for South district and 1st runner's up for final's. cool man.. their drill so pro-ded.. :) and me being nice got hershey's for dearest fd commers. kena sounded by mum cos i spent like money just for them. wah.. their tshirt damn nice ah.. haha but they made ain's butt angular. heh..
2. oh.. and diy left us :/ haiz.. our year seems to shrink every year. oh no..
3. oh.. sahibba tmr. i hope azira and ama do well. i don't think we have a high hope of winning anything. like practice conducted is only like 1?? compared to RI their prac is like 2x a week maybe and had been going on for a month? but gd luck anyway
why am i numbering? so weird.. anyway. hah! i'm a gd student now >< i dun procrastinate. shit but i broke my record today. was suppose to hand in chem ws but i forgot to bring. but i did it ok. half of class didn't bring anyway. oh and today's SLI. wah.. the popular auntie cheat my feelings sia.. say the popular gonna open so i brought money to get foolscap paper (1 pad finished in 1 week. zomg) then it was close. anyway, SLI was ok la.. the section presenting the leaders went a lot faster. performances were funny. haha.. can't believe anqi wore pink shirt and skirt. zomg. she's so not the type. oh and saw fidz, ziyad and dzafir. shit they grew even taller. eh i realise my pri sch frens they change a lot. some became super thin and some became ah lian. then guys they all grew, became more built. and even tho i know fidz, ziyad and dzafir for quite a short time, they change like siao ah. then me? just gain weight. :/ so sad... year's getting more busy... assignments. wah shit man.. they gonna cut our hols by 1 week. if it can even be called a hols la. give us projects and pt and assignments. complain to teacher then they'll say "It's not homework. It's project". difference meh? still need to use our brains what. cheat our feelings only. haha yay! s'pore won the polls. heh XD. i wish i could have gone for shark waters. but mum and dad went to jb so need to take care of the house. so much for the eldest sibling taking charge. as in im not saying i shldn't be as responsible. but wah.. my bro he come home late at night. eat, never wash plate, do hmwk using comp like shit ah. as if he does his hmwk. then whenever im using the comp he comes in with his jc attitude "I'm taking A levels this year. you don't understand. my work is more important". feel like smacking his head ah. hmph.. patience dude.. patience is virtue.. oh gosh my article for penerbitan is due in 5 days and i haven't even started on it. and the research that has to be done. so much for not procrastinating. but gonna mug maths and bio first. :/ exam period.
go OHANA love!

2007-12-21T20:13:00.000-08:00

I haven't been doing much lately.. same stuff.. housework, tv, movies, reading, listening to music.. as much as im deadly bored this hols, i don't think i'm ready to face school just yet. oh well, it's not like time is gg to wait for any of us to fully ready ourselves for school term. i'm already getting the beegeebies goosebumps thinking about sec 3 life. and damn, time really really flies mann.. it really felt like i was just in sec 1 not so long ago. and wow, next year i'm alr gonna be in upper sec. and then sooner than it seems, i'll find myself in jc. we're all getting old i guess. and hopefully more matured.
k, so to reflect on certain things. like the asian idol. well yeah, congratulations to hady mirza for winning asian idol for s'pore. well, i didn't vote for anybody but my cuz spent 30 bucks voting for hady which means 60 votes. my dad was thinking that things would be a lot easier if we are able to vote for the idols in a kinda package thing or smthg. like if you want to vote 60 votes for hady and someone else [cos the system was 1 vote 2 choices] then just like book 60 votes in one ago. the money will still be the same. it will save time and energy sending only 1 sms requesting 60 votes rather than sending 60 smses. besides, it's an easier anyway to count.
anyway, i think hady did quite a good job with his performances. he has the voice and i suppose the looks. but honestly, i didn't expect hady to win. i'm not undervaluing local talents. it's just that s'pore has a small no of citizens compared to the other countries and if the judges has a big influence on the audiences then i don't think people will vote for hady. but hey, he won!
anyway, i always thought the whole idol thing isn't flawless. i mean yeah, it is suppose to be a singing competition but reality check, looks always play a part in getting votes. if some guy is more gd looking and his voice isn't so gd, people will still vote for him. girls can go all cair over him and then they'll be having thumb cramps for voting too much and perhaps that dude will get more votes than for guy who has a much nicer voice but ain't good looking. and then there's the social factor. like how many contacts each contestant has and how willing are those contacts to part with a large sum of money just to vote. and there's just the charm and the x factor that wins the hearts of people. and not everybody has that. sometimes, it's just what you're born with. so it's either you have it or you don't. and that's a difficult thing to count for.
ok.. i'm off to shower.

2007-12-08T06:29:00.000-08:00

k.. this is cos wiz tagged me.. so now i have to do this.
I HAVE BEEN TAGGED!

Instructions
1. Do the following WITHOUT complaint.
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you completed yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged.
4. Start your post with; I have been tagged!

Favourites
Favourite Color: Turqoise (oh no.. there's no turqoise in the colour thingy. this is the closest )= )
Favourite Food: spaghetti? not really la.. i don't know la.. not fussy..
Favourite Movie: err..?? too many that i like to choose.. but some include 'italian job', 'click', 'hitch' and yadayada..
Favourite Sport: Badminton!!! a good way to release all the anger and frustration [right feena?]
Favourite Day of the Week: holiDAY
Favourite Season: Autumn
Favourite Ice Cream: strawberry sundae [most unfortunately]

Currents
Current Mood: quite happy.. get to talk to farah and feena on msn.. it's been so long..
Current Clothes: a red base t-shirt that has a bobdog picture. the picture has a green background and black poka dots on the green background. and green long pants.
Current Desktop: err..??
Current Time: 22:42pm
Current Surroundings: my brother's room
Current Annoyances: my stomachache and the stupid songs that's playing from my computer. my brother downloaded them and i totally don't like them. and he tells me i'm immatured for not able to appreciate and enjoy the songs. blearghh. why do i even play them in the first place??
Current Thoughts: change song!!!

Firsts
First Best Friend: Nadhirah
First Crush: ahemahem..
First Movie: can't rmbr but i know kuch kuch hota hai was one of my firsts. hey.. i cried ok.. see.. i mature early. LOL!
First Lie: honestly, i started lying only when i enter sec sch.. bt i cnt rmbr my first lie cos i dnt make it a point to rmbr it.
First Music: azan

Lasts
Last Drink: plain water. but before that i drank banana juice. banana shake?
Last Car Ride: erm.. well whenever it was, it should have been in a taxi. we don't have a family car and i don't rmbr hitching a ride frm someone
Last Crush: shuddup
Last Phone Call: home. asked my brother if he wanted the banana juice/shake.
Last CD Played: i have only one which is from sleeq.

Have you evers?
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: that'd be so weird.
Have you ever broken the law : jaywalk.. littered.. vandalised[by accident!]
Have you ever been arrested?: nope..
Have you ever been on TV: yep..
Have you ever kissed someone you dont know: eww.. im not despo okayye??

Random 5 things you are good at: spoiling songs.. writing.. tbc.. tbc.. tcb..
Things you've done today:woke up, breakfasted, wrote a letter, wrapped a birthday present, sweeped the house, bathed, went to madrasah [i shouldn't go into details of what happened there], go home, change out, mop the floor, watch tv, help my mum cook, solat zuhur, change clothes, eat lunch, go to english class, buy the banana juice/shake, got pissed, go home, eat dinner, go toilet, blog, talk on msn
3 things you can hear right now:the nice songs that i chose to play. the keyboard sound. and the msn sound.
People to tag: siti, ama, hafidz, lena, diy [the names just popped up in my head. interesting order] wait. lena has no tag so erm.. fatihah

2007-12-08T05:30:00.000-08:00

Mum and Dad and brothers are out. shopping. yay!! [sarcastic!] So I'm the only one home. Whatever. Had to go to madrasah to collect result slips. Okla.. Didn't study during the first term so my marks are kinda shit. Then went home and watched NUMB3RS. I got hooked up with it.. bUt.. it is interesting to watch. should have started watching ages ago. oh well.. school and mum bug me so often i couldn't sit on the couch in front of the tv for more than 1/2 hr. then i had to help out my mum cook cos my grandmother and aunts and cousin were coming over. and well, my grandma is very fussy so my mum wanted to cook more for them to eat and more as in more variety. my mum always put up a 'show' whenever they come over. well, especially in front of my grandmother. grandmother is just so fussy. honestly, sometimes i can't stand her. so mum always, you know, put in the extra effort to put up a good front and make sure the house is neat which is a feat. but then i'd be scolded like hell before they come cos my mum would be scolding me to help her out. ok, so just now i cook. ok..helped out my mum cook in the kitchen. my mum was cooking briyani. like wth.. she'd rarely cook that. and she's making deserts as well (1 's' right?) ya.. she's really putting up a good front. and then i went to english class. really interesting today. watched a little bit of documentary about politics. i'd fall asleep whenever it comes to politics. it's interesting yeah but just not catchy to me. yet. ?. but the person who made the documentary made it cool. ok, we didn't finish watching it. to be continued next week. after getting dismissed i walked to raffles city and called my little brother to ask if he wanted a banana juice. banana shake? basically liquid-ed banana from the blender and some ice. and then i asked him if my grandmother and aunts and cousing reached our place already and guess what?!?!?!?!?!?! they left. 5 minutes before i call. what the shit la.. i was damn pissed mann.. can't they just wait for me to get home?? yeah.. too much to ask huh?? and they left presents for me. typical sia.. so materialistic. they've always been materialistic. k, i'm not sure of abg shamir (my cuz) but my grandma and my aunts, yup. they left me money, handbag (like i will use it??) and there's chocolates, and tops. what the shit la.. can't they just wait a while just for me to come home?? i won't be seeing them for a long time. aunty rosey will return to Perth soon. her husband's still there. he didn't come over. then aunty yasmin and abg shamir will go back to KL where they live. and my grandmother goes back to her house. and then like always she'd go Kashmir to visit her 'adopted' grandchildren. and she'd go KL to aunty yasmin's house. and then back to S'pore and then Kashmir again and the bloody cycle repeats. what the shit.. and her travels are mostly paid by my dad. kk.. my dad's a gd son who takes care of his mum but this is wayyyyyy over. i've never been beyond KL ever in my entire life. and this kelantan trip i'll be taking part in will result in the furthest i've ever been. kelantan. people like sara lai were talking about their trip to china, japan, europe etc.etc. talking about beautiful toilets with plasma tv. nice man. real nice. where's the fairness in this? i don't see any silver lining whatsoever. i'm damn pissed. super pissed.

2007-11-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

Yay! Finally I can blog.. wee! XD K, quite a lot of things had happened.. so first things first..
1. concert by RI
K, so I was late by 1/2 hour XD. sorry firdaus. well i was late because i was ironing. see..im so budak baik! ya right.. so we went solat at al-falah first. while waiting for me, firdaus ate. k then, we took 190 to victoria theatre hall. we actually went to the hall that we performed for pentas budaya then the ticket guy there said that maybe he thinks our concert is nextdoor. i didn't even know there was 2 halls. so we went to the other hall. actually we weren't sure then suddenly there was this english guy whom i presume is an RI teacher said that they've started already. So we went up and saw a teacher and an RI student behind a desk. when we reached, we weren't allowed to go in. but during interval, we went in and sat next to ama.
the concert was okla.. the choir part was really good.. the actions were cute. haha.. but the strings part was rather boring la..XD kinda draggy. ama and i were so stunned at the choir mann.. like they can go so high.. ain definitely can't reach that note that i know.. then ama, nas, firdaus and me went to solat then makan at macs before going home. and there were just some jerks.
2. my brother came home!! his mouth was still bleeding :/ but now he's fine..yay! but now he has to wear braces o.O
3. RI- RGS heritage trail was fine.. but i thought that the trail could be less ambitious as in there should be less stations but there should be more significant activities. and some people just should be more ethusiastic. then after that yearmates went out to year lunch. but siti and i went to cp.

2007-11-24T02:59:00.000-08:00

Ok.. so madrasah exams are finally overRRR.. wee! like no more mugging!!! exams was okayye.. so today had tauhid paper. we started doing the paper at like 11.40 or so cos the ustazah was super slow coming into class and then when she came into class she forgot the papers. like zomg. then i finished the paper at 12. some questions i just like shoot in some answer (sure miss la..) haha.. no point i sit staring at the paper right. dunno means dunno. but i dnt think i will fail. so i spent like 20 minutes on the paper but on the schedule of the day, they put 1 hour 15 minutes to do the paper. like -_-" no? anyway, i saw syafiq. i was like zomg. so weird..he told me he saw me a couple of times before. then never say anything..
then yesterday, there was this fund raising project for masjid annur. so we were put to groups of 2-3. and sent to different masjids all over Singapore in taxis that masjid annur had called for us. the reason we went to masjids was cause it was friday and there was friday prayers so there'll bound to be many people. i gotta say that's smart..so i got into the same group as Seha. she's so hilarious mann... nvm personal joke anyway..so shan't elaborate what she did o.O oh and i saw syafiq. met him actually to get the concert tickets.
so Seha and me were stationed at masjid darussalam which is at clementi. i was kinda hoping i would see abang kamal or siapa-siapa la but i guessed they went to masjid tentera which is nearer to nus campus if they were in campus in the first place. so there were 2 entrances to the masjid darussalam. Seha went to the back gate cos there was a staircase so she could sit. So i took the main gate. It's interesting to watch people. Like I found out that most people there actually took their right shoes off before their left shoes. K, call it boredom.. Then there was also staff members from masjid darussalam who were also carrying these buckets where it says 'tabung amal'. And dunno why but a lot of the pakciks that came into the mosque to pray put their money into my tabung instead of those staff members from masjid darussalam. and those staff members were like giving me this look and one of them said 'wahh.. masjid annur ada banyak duit' like wth.. since when has there been competition?? K, then it got more boring cos there weren't many people yet so in the end, i started smsing syafiq. XD
Then i made another observation which is that the older people namely the pakciks came into the masjid first. eh.. some of them generous ok.. like they put in 10 bucks into my tabung and then another 10 bucks in the tabung amal for masjid darussalam. then came the muda-muda.cehwah..XD like 20+ or late teens. hehe.. ada handsome2 jugak yang derma.. tsktsk.. orang ngah buat kerja amal la.. satu kali pandang rezeki. dua kali pandang dah salah dah.XD but those guys, they're also very generous man.. like one of them donated 12 bucks which is alot. at least to me it is. so who says only old people are doing the amal work? anyway, i hadn't had time to dua kali pandang cos literally, there were people queuing (is that how it's spelt? tsk syidah ni..) to donate into my tabung amal and i had to help cos the hole of tin is like so small. and the staff member from masjid darussalam like pandang pandang with that sengeh.. like whatever la.. tak salah pe if they wanna derma to masjid annur right? but it was uncomfortable cos i'm a girl at a place that is by the minute getting crowded with guys.
The hole of the tin is damn small. like people were struggling to put notes into my tabung. then the people behind, waiting to donate were folding they're notes smaller. lol..then there was this pakcik who couldn't put the notes in so he just put the money on top of the tin and asked me to put it in for him which of course i did.
so as prayer time was nearing, more people came. and i realise that those that came later were actually students. and some came with their bags and briefcase which i assume to contain they're laptops. not all of them donated cos they were kinda hurrying to take wudhuk. but some did.
then after the solat, i stationed myself again at the entrance and some people donated. i swear there was this guy who donated twice into my tabung. then after that, Seha and i sat at the main entrance and we just waited for the same taxi driver who drove us there to drive us back to masjid annur. so while waiting, we bought kuih. there was this stall next to the entrance but inside the masjid la.. i was like squeezed next to the stall so as to avoid hitting any guys during the collection of money (macam hari raya pulak eh). then the staff members gave Seha and me 2 packets of nasi briyani each. like zomg. actually a staff member gave 2 packets to me, one for Seha and one for me. but another staff member who was jaga-ing the back entrance and who was with Seha gave 2 packets to Seha supposedly one for her and one for me. haiz.. then just as we were about to leave, the makcik at the kuih stall gave us 4 packets of free popiah basah. like zomg. so much food.. and masjid annur also gave us food. then when we balik masjid annur there's gonna be food also.. food galore!!
then today, ustaz maznan told us that yesterday's efforts turned out to be a great success cos we raised like $332 400 ++. can't remember the ones and tens digits. and it was either he said 'and 4 cents' or 'and 40 cents'.
personally, i hope that the students who helped out actually did it because it was right and not only they wanted to help out after ustaz firdaus said that we'll get 5 bucks for our work plus 5 marks extra for eac of our exam subjects. bribery ni.. X/

2007-11-19T04:47:00.000-08:00

I've recently gotten hooked up on this show called '24'. It's just simply amazing. The plot is always full of twists and surprises. There's always something new coming out of it. And it's always emotional. The story is dealing with government and stuff but although it's all high-tech and classified and all those secrecy, there's still touches of humanity in it. It just makes the plot more real.
And watching it makes me think about life. It's like this story revolves around the matter of trust. It's who you can trust and who you can't. And I don't know but I've never thought of life that complicated until you can't trust the person right next to you. It's not that you don't want to but it's just you can't. And there's this sickening unsure feeling in you. You don't know what to do. There's circumstances and issues and complications. And you have to think on your feet. Have back up plans in case the original one backfires or something. And yet you still have to go ahead and still trust people because you have to do what's right and not let anything else gets in the way of that because you have to make critical decisions and millions of people's lives depend on those decisions.
And here I am. Taking a lot of things for granted. I'm ready to scream 'give me a break!' when I'm loaded with work and when my mum pesters me on something. But when you talk about people's lives. When you talk about dealing with the future. The unknown. Anything can happen.
And when you talk about relationships, friendships and bonds. And it just matters how much you trust someone. You need to have good bond between people. And this bond doesn't take overnight to be strong. It takes time to build and more importantly, you do need it to be strong cos during crisis, those are the people you turn to. I can't help but think of yearmates and other friends that I have. And the fact that sometimes, I do expect them to be there to help me. But the question is, how much have I help them? With things, I don't know, just stuff..that they need help with.
And also with a strong bond, with trust and also of course, there comes love. Love for the friends you've known. And it's love that secures you. That makes you feel safe and at home. Love is what makes you willing to do anything for that person you love. And you won't regret it because you trust that person. And that person trusts you. And most importantly, you trust yourself. You know you're doing the right thing. You've never been more sure in your life.

2007-11-14T17:11:00.000-08:00

I wonder why..
I always fall in love with those who simply can't love me back
because they have someone/something else to occupy their thoughts
I wonder why..
I always care for those who in the end
just couldn't care less for me
I wonder why..
I always cared too much
when in the end I always end up being used
I wonder why..
I always let myself be used by others as means
I wonder why..
I just can't let go when it all is clear that I should
knowing that it'd hurt me more if i stayed
I wonder why..
I always came back
because being away makes me feel guilty and it hurts me
I wonder why..
I'm always torn in two between leaving and staying
because I'd be torn between me and you
and whichever choise i make, my heart is to break
I wonder why..
I care about what you might think of me
when I know you never think of me
I wonder why I even bother
I wonder why I even sit down and cry
I wonder why I worry about you
when you don't give a s**t about me
I wonder why I take so much trouble when in the end it'd just be you happy.

and me alone..
again.
Every woman in the world to me-air supply (just the verses)
Every night seems dinner and wine
Saturday days
I was never in love, never had the time
In my hustle and hurried world
Laughing my self to sleep, waking up lonely
I needed someone to hold me, oh
It's such a crazy home town
It can drag you down
Till you run out of dreams
So you party all night to the music and lights
But you don't know what happiness means
I was dancing in the dark with strangers
No love around me
When suddenly you found me, oh
Everything good, everything fine
That's what you are
So put your hand in mine and together we'll climb
As high as the highest star
I'm living the life time in every minute
That we're together
And I'm staying right here forever, oh
Well, that's the thing about me see. I laugh about and try to be so happy to cheer you up and so that you won't worry about me which I suppose never in a blue baboon's butt will you do so, and in the end at night I just cry, exhausted with all the pretending, sick of what I actually did. And in the end, I made me a goal which is to see you happy and in the end, all my hopes and dreams are seconded. And yeah you don't know what happiness means because you just don't seem to cherish it and next thing I know, you fall in the mud again when I already dry-cleaned you and I'll have to do it again. And yeah, I really do feel like strangers around you cos you don't know me, not with everything revolving around you. And see, the sad thing is, I'm satisfied when you're happy, knowing that I did a good job and I know I'm staying put in case you ever need me.
And this is to a lot of people. As in I'm refering to a lot of people in this post. What I'm going through is really mentally and emotionally draining.
But then again, I guess this is love, isn't it?
I never got my birthday wish

2007-11-13T04:22:00.001-08:00

K.. back from camp. I'm really really sorry that we broke our promise to our sec 3 ma'ams, to make this tcamp successfull. As in, we tried but I guess maybe it's just not enough. Personally, I thought we could better control our juniors but it's kinda hard since they don't listen to us. We really didn't want to shout but if kind words just make you all more dependant on us, then yelling is perhaps the only answer. We really didn't want to shout. and i'm sorry to those juniors I screamed at to stop dragging, to eat faster, to time etc. As in, yes, juniors can depend on us for some things but not everything. Sometimes it's obvious that some of the juniors are trying hard but like 5 people or so can't make up for the rest of the juniors. And just cos my year is willing to do stuff for the juniors doesn't mean y'all should take it for granted la.. next year is gonna be juniors and your own juniors, we're not gonna help y'all already. So if juniors, you guys aren't ready, how can you help the next batch? And juniors should stop thinking that y'all are princesses cos then you might as well go sleep and dream this kind of stuff. If you're tired, so are we ok.. and we are more tired than you cos we need to take care of you and try to make things organized and it's tiring to literally shout our timing just to cover up your voices, to persevere and carry your babies and camp flags when you say you can't. This is a camp for humans if you hadn't realise so why can't we hear your timing? if you have cramp or stitch, it's most likely that my yearmates has them too. Just persevere. As in, it's ok if you really really cannot take it but don't fake. Don't think the world will wait for you. Just cos the food is a lot, you totally expect us to be your back up stomachs. As we can and will help but please la.. we're not dustbins can?? and we have our share of food too. We're going through the same camp for heaven's sake. Do you really have to wait for us to start crying again, pleading with the ma'ams to return all the kidnapped babies and flags, to try rescuing the babies that were going to be kidnapped but y'all really don't seem to care at all. I don't think we need the ma'ams to scold us before we can co-ooperate right?
I don't believe the juniors were unprepared for massevac. We send them notes. Extra stuff they don't need to yet learn. And we gave them a lot of mass evac pracs and also scenarios. I don't know how that cannot be enough. As in, we can so much give juniors practice and notes but if they don't want to revise on their own then it's out of our hands already.
But I think my year also has a lot of things to improve on. Definitely, we are better at doing first aid and evac but we should help each other buck up. I really need to improve also. A lot. we should build up confidence. I think one of the reason that we are indecisive is because we are completely unsure of which decision to take in case we made a wrong one cos we really really don't want to disappoint the ma'ams again because we realise the effort put in to plan the whole camp and it must have hurt to know the batch that you had a major part in bringing up turn up to be such disappointment. But the time we took in making a decision still earned us a scolding.
To all the day and bunk i/cs.. I'm really really sorry on behalf of the campus (I don't know about the juniors tho..) that we didn't contribute much to make things better. We're really sorry that in the end, you have to bear responsibility for our carelessness, lack of sense of urgency, disorganisation and our selfishness. We're really sorry we didn't listen to you right from the start. And we're sorry that you have to do punishments for us. We're sorry that we left you behind to bear all our mistakes. We're sorry that we are dependant on the i/cs too much just cos we're relieve that we didn't get chosen to be i/c. Saying sorry definitely isn't enough. But I really swear that I'll try my best to make things run smoothly by listening to i/cs all the time and I'm sure yearmates feel the same way too. I'm just saying that I love all you yearmates deep down in my heart and it's time I have to prove it.
To juniors, please please buck up. It's not too much to ask when we say 'try. just try and persevere'. We love you all too so we really want to see you be the best cadets you can be. We want to feel the satisfaction that we had a part in making a successful batch of cadets who are efficient. those who did try, thanks really a lot but rmbr you are all a year and not an individual so please help each other out.
Juniors, it's really come to begging from our year. We can't be with you always, to help you. In fact, next year's training camp is going to be run by us and we don't want to be disappointed that the cadets that we help brought up turned out to be horrible. I think it's enough that we disappoint the ma'ams during these 2 days but it's possible to make ammeds and be terrifically better next year and the year after and so continuing on..
We'll make this a unit effort ok.. jiayou everyone..
this is a personal opinion so sorry for any possible hurting remarks.

2007-11-08T23:36:00.000-08:00

I dunno why this was saved under drafts..
Had another jalan raya yesterday with Rafflesians. as in with RI peeps too. K.. the day started of with us going to hanis' house. but i didn't follow along cos i had to clean up the house first and my mum didn't wanna help. it's just not fair mann.. i mean whenever my abang's friend wanna come along, she'd clean up the house and i had to help her out. where's the justice in that???

So i had no choice but to skip hanis' house. then i joined the group (Hanis, Sarah, Amalina, Syarfeena, Diyanah) to Ama's house. It's so freaky...like Sarah predicted I was going to wear blue and yeah i was wearing blue or turqoise..whatever..

Then after that it was to Firdaus' house. We were super late..o.O.. Then it was just Diy, Syarfeena and me. Then, met up Aqid, Sufyan and Syafiq at Firdaus' house. Firdaus, you cannot complain that we didn't eat cos we ate okayye..his mum is nice. Then Firdaus showed CSP camp pics and also a collage that he made.

Then we went to Aqid's house in Boon Lay. The journey was like 1hr plus plus plus?!?! exaggerating. haha. took some pics in the train. randomness...

Then at Boon Lay MRT station, Ain joined our group. Then we went to Aqids' house which is like freaking nice.. wee!! like imagine living in such a nice house. and going to sleep also require you to excercise a little cos you have to climb the stairs..haha

Anyway.. i just learned that Sufyan luuurrrvvveeessssssssss nuggets. haha!! like nuggets nuggets nuggests GALORE! sry i was a little harsh about zuhur. XD

Then, it was over to Feena's house. We took cab. Haiz.. kosongla pocket aku XD. The food was nice there. Then Ahmad also came so he joined our group. We also had meet-feena's-parents-session. Cos her parents wanna know what she does at school. haha. it was freaky ok... then her dad was like 'i don't wanna hear about her positive points. i want you to tell me about her negative points.' like what are we suppose to say?? haha.. feena's little brother and sister is super cute. haha. tembam XD.

ohh..then we tried making syafiq sing but he didn't =( apa seh... hmph.. and he said he was going to sing for us at his home which he also didn't.. tsktsktsk

we solat-ed asar at her house. then maghrib also cos we were waiting for dear lenny!! and her sis of course..

after feena's house, it was syafiq's house. by then it was like 9 or so.. watched a bit of tv and there was food but i didn't eat cos i was full.. like ohmygod..bloated.. X/

then it was my house which was the last house.. i kinda feel guilty cos i was like going home already but they had to travel far to go home.. i so kesiankan firdaus, ahmad, aqid and ain. it's like they live at the extreme ends of the island...

my mum made marshmallows with coated choceolate. yum.. i was eating the leftovers after they left XD

too bad it was kinda late at night..if not then aqid could have played the guitar. wee!! like that time fird and khai was playing the guitar and my brother played the drums.

So, after the whole thing yesterday, i learned

1. to bring telekung when i go beraya. and also to stop asking guys if they have telekungs...=) and instead, ask if their mums/sisters have telekungs that we can borrow.

2. bring guards. cos somehow i became feena's 'punching bag'. haha.. tsktsk feena..feena.. ahemahemahem..

3. bring money in case if we are suppose to take cab

2007-11-07T05:12:00.000-08:00

Today was totally fun...
well, i went to school to meet up with juniors. discussed year items and group items. did a bit of briefing about expectations. had mass evacs.
then lunch at some foodcourt at far east. and guess what.. saw my 2 cousins. they're brothers. when we were eating (was with charlotte, huan ying, ain, mona, khaing zin, sally, lishan, xiaowei, diy and lena. siti decided not to eat), they came into the foodcourt with some of their friends. then, i wanted to go over and say hi. but their friends kinda look like mats and minahs (sorry..) so it scared some crap out of me so i decided not to. then when it was paying time, i finished eating. so i went to pay la... and diy was with me. i decided to ignore them at first. then abang ilya was like 'is that rasyidah?' to his younger brother. and duh... i can hear him. so i turn around and waved. embarassed much cos his friends were looking at me. then after paying, i went over to salam abang ilya before leaving and i feel kinda bad that i didn't salam his adik who's a lot older than me by the way. cos in order to so, i would have to lean forward across the table to reach to his adik. then that means i have to kinda lean towards his friend which is very the paiseh and embarassing. so after that, i just left. oh mann.. i can't believe abang ilya hands around with those type of people. oh shoot... am i being a bit stereotype here?? kay..shall change my thinking. despite their appearances like mats and minahs, they might be nice people down deep... and that's why my cuz hangs out with them and befriends them. see...im being positive. yay me! i trust abang ilya. anyway, it was nice seeing him cos it's been very long. and when i went over his place, he wasn't at home cos he was away at ns.
then, after lunch, had another mass evac. it was a lot better. then year item. then me and siti actually stayed in school till 6.20 in school to watch Pride and Prejudice.on youtube. HAHA!! I LUUUURRRVVVEEEEEEEEEE that show so much!!! i've watched it once before. on youtube. pathetic huh?? my dad won't get for me the dvd. sighs... me and siti were like awww...
actually i explained the story to her. like the whole plot. and it was super complicated (right siti XD). i had to draw a diagram for her to understand. haiz...i thought only maths could be this complicated XD. haha.. then a brilliant idea struck me and i told siti 'hey, let's watch the movie! it's on youtube!' and she gave me that crazy look... but haha.. in the end, we watched it.. it was so so so so so so touching... AWWWWW......!!! then while watching the movie, siti actually refered to the diagram. haha!
i like the ending. it's so sweet!!! quote: 'You must know. Surely you must know that I did this all for you'
say it with me people... AWWWW!!!
if there's only such a guy in the world...
and keira knightley is so chio!!! and siti is so shocked to hear her called plain in the movie. who cares if it's in a movie. she's pretty and it's injustice to call her 'barely tolerable'. and the part where lizzie and darcy had the argument. when lizzie totally rejected him. siti was like so stunned. haha! and the ending was so sweet!!!
siti and me, we agree that the cutest character was Bingley and the father. haha!!
wee!!! shall go watch in on youtube again. that's how pathetic i am sia... i watched step up on youtube also.. like -__-"'
and after that...i was totally teasing siti about ahemahemahem...grins... HAHA!!! siti, you told me you'd post all my jokes so you better!!! MWAHAHAHA!!
but i also earned A LOT of tight slaps from siti. my arms and shoulders are damn painful... if i ever have a shoulder dislocation, siti, it should be on your account XD (and we just had mass evac with the juniors o.O)

2007-11-06T23:22:00.000-08:00

Is to love to feel the ecstasy and then to be disappointed? afterwards, to forgive and forget, start anew and be blinded again?
well.. yea cos im in this situation. o.O
i dunno what's wrong with me!!! NO!!!

2007-11-05T21:35:00.000-08:00

Ok.. so monday was speeches (thanks siti).. i was falling asleep in almost everyone of them because sunday night, i stayed up late to watch a movie with my dad. but i do remember the last part of mrs deborah tan's speech. learn to say NO. haha.. that is a lesson worth learning..
so tuesday, malay enrichment, we had to watch a movie titled 'sumo'. i've watched it once before. find it really entertaining and enriching. you can learn something valuable there. we watched the first half of the movie before going to sri warisan. it was really nice over there. we had a good workshop about wayang kulit. the guy is really good. shucks. i forgot his name. and it might seem easy but wayang kulit is really difficult. with the emotions in your words and then having to handle the different props and puppets. not to mention it can last for hours, days sometimes, and you have to keep your standard up. you can't do a horrible job and it is tiring if you're doing it for hours. and the gamelan is really fascinating. i can't understand how someone can play the gendang. it's really confusing. a lot of hand co-ordination. and then again so is the piano. i guess practice makes it almost perfect.
and then we went back to sch and finished watching the movie. nice cikgu let us eat in class. wee! haha.. at the point of time where the sumo game was going on, everyone was gasping and some were like 'oh my god!'.. it's like watching soccer or rugby. haha
then on wednesday, we had jalan raya. it started of rather horribly. i mean, people were late. but then after that, almost everything went on almost smoothly. we had to change our plans now and then. we went to ain's house first, then sarah's, farah, lena and then all the way to tampines to afiqah's place, cikgu roziyah's (goodness, she looks like my aunt), then azira, cikgu melhan (his children is most amiable. i remembered ain was carring his youngest. and then he cried. but when she passed her to me, she stopped crying. aww... =)), mr azmizar, diy. but i didn't go to diy's house. it was really getting late. i took a cab home cos the bus was taking an irritatingly long time. i got locked out of the house when i reached home. that wasn't surprisingly really. but at least i didn't get the silent treatment.
thursday, netball carn and drama night. 202 won second for netball carn. wee!!! the cheers for our class was really funny. i like the second cheer:
score it, don't stop it
202 let's get on the court
let's work your body and the ball stays in the court
let me you see you 2/2 step
we love it when you 2/2 step
everybody 2/2 step
2/2's gonna win it all
it's sung to this song. i dunno the title. but i like our class cheer.
then drama night. i lied to my mum saying there were no more places cos i submit the reply slip late when i actually totally forgot to submit it in the first place. but even if i did, i wouldn't want her to come. i can tell she was relunctant to come anyway. the whole thing was last minute. she agreed to it only as i was on my way to school. and i didn't want her to be there if she really didn't want to see me on stage with the rest of 202. and besides, part of me loathed her at that point because of her locking me out the night before and totally ignoring my explanations of why i came home late, saying it was unexcusable. she didn't think herself as unreasonable. but i don't know what overcame her because she actually kissed me goodnight.
if there is one thing i want any parent to know is how the child tried his/her best in everything. who wouldn't want to make their parents proud? sometimes, only God knows why, a hard work's not paid off. and sometimes what my mum only sees is the results my siblings give her. she never really see our hard work. and sometimes she never see how hard me and my brother study because we usually mug in the library knowing that studying at home won't be productive because my mum will sometimes barge in to check on us and idris will make a racket. something about me and my brother, sometimes we like be in control of ourselves and our progress. that accounts to why we spend time by ourselves.
anyhow, i went to ms chen and lied to her saying that my mum couldn't make it but she suddenly told me that she had freed some time to come and watch so can she please please come? and ms chen said ok yea sure. and then smsed my mum and she came to watch. 202 won the third place. it's better than not getting in it at all. the prize we got was sorry.. but it's pathetic. we were all excited to know what was in the cardboard box. but when we ripped the wrapping paper off, and open the box, we got a shock to know inside was only envelopes. anthea grabbed some and was about to hand them out when she felt something inside and yell 'there's something inside!'. so everybody was hushed again. tension building up. then ama opened one of the envelopes....
...
...
...
then she put her hand in it...
...
...
and she took something out...
...
...
guess what was it???...
...
...
a bookmark. a bookmark. we were like.. uh-huh?!?! so much for the tension. but it had nice advises on the bookmark. mine was something about 'it doesn't matter how slow you are as long as you don't stop'. that makes sense. and emily tried to steal my bookmark. hmph... walau.. she's damn freaky.. she can carry ama! like wth?!?! so strong. and ama can't carry emily. o.O
ain's bookmark was 'a good relationship is forged between two forgivers'. i'm like awww... but then thinking again, how many mistakes can someone afford to make without the partner getting super pissed off? and how long can one tolerate the other's shit?
then, on friday we had farewell assembly and ODT. of course farewell assembly was a drag but we survived through it. then came ODT. performances were a lot better. maybe it was because it was for mrs deborah tan. but i thought the best gift for her was the portrait. it was really sweet. and thousand apologies to her when she hears our class song. due to lack of practice, some keys were totally off.

2007-11-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

Events that happened this week:
- i totally forget what happened on monday. someone remind me please
- had malay enrichment on tuesday. it was fun. surprisingly.. then had kenduri doa for my grandad and grandmother
- jalan raya on wednesday.. wee!!!
- thursday, netball carn and drama night
- friday: farewell assembly for sec 4s and ODT
- saturday: piano exam, english class, kenduri doa
Shall elaborate later on. It's a lot to talk about. So I would need to spend a lot of time in front of the comp. And that tak akan direstu oleh my brother. I don't want another fight.
Shayne Ward- if it's ok with you. nice song ~~~

2007-10-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a bad week for me. Ups and downs and end up in tears. My grandad passed away yesterday. He lived till 92. It's amazing if he could still live longer. But I'm just happy that he passed after raya, after we all gathered together, after I've seen him. And I'm glad he went through this year's ramadhan. So I'm trying to pray for him as much as I can. My only regret is that we were never close unlike my arwah nenek. She used to take care of me.
1 more month.. seems like a long wait..but time flies before you know it..
Anyway, happy belated birthday to kak shasha, hanis (my cousin) and of course to abang khai. He's such a cool guy. Haha.. he can go 'Yo! What's up?' heh..:)
Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
Fell too far, was in way to deep
I guess I let you get the best of me
Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces from spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
The day I thought I'd never get through I got over you!
You took a hammer to these walls
dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say
When you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me
Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
And I'm picking up the pieces
From spending all of these these years
Putting my heart back together
Cause the day I thought I'd never get through I got over you!
Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And i never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting My heart back together
Oh Ooooooh!
Now I'm putting my heart back together!
oh Ooooooooh!
Cause I got over you!
I got over you!
I got over you!
Cause the day I thought I'd never get through I got over you!
When I read the lyrics, I'm like 'damn straight you got that person'.. i kinda pictured in as a smack in the face. It's like when that person is so used to think that you were always so reliant on him/her and that he/she's your everything. And then suddenly you come and say 'I got over you!'. I dunno but imagining it that way, it felt good. Quote from feena, 'jangan nak perasan'. Imagine if you go up to that person and say, 'Sorry doesn't cover the distance. I GOT OVER YOU! bbye!' and do a little sharpay.. 'toodles!'
Sedekahkan al-fatihah to my grandad..amin..

2007-10-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

Sighs... it's really boring now. There's almost nothing to do...
Monday, had interclass PE games. Our class got in 3rd place in the B Group and 6th overall, both for badminton. We didn't get the top 3 for rockclimbing and basketball. Didn't see those games cos I was playing badminton. It was quite fun. Walau.. some of the people prooodddeedddd mann..! Wah..Smack here smack there. For our last game, Jingyi and Jiayi played for our class and the opponents were from 206, a badminton national player and Christine who's badminton skills were pretty tight. And we lost to them 23-21. (Although there aren't suppose to be more than 21 points in a set) I watched them play, it's damn frightening la... Walau.. the badminton player gave us like no chance, smack the shuttlecock like shit sia.. But Jiayi and Jingyi are still pro people..
Then we had the social and dining etiquette. It was quite fun. It was at Parkroyal Hotel. The hotel is really class. elegance... pizzazz! The speaker was quite humurous but kinda a bit mean la..ego also (woops..) But basically we were taught how to eat, how to present ourselves etc. But the food was good. Damn damn nice.. Had 5 courses of food. We had caesar salad (it's healthy ok.. it's mostly lettuce with sprinkled cheese and a little bit of meat, doesn't fill more than a tablespoon, not the whole but two fine slices of egg and something that tasted like bread), bread roll and butter (the butter's from germany XD), the main course which was chicken chop with potato wedges and broiled buttered carrots and brocolli. Followed by the desert which was French pastries (dunno why it's called that. i thought it was cake) and tea. The food was nice and a lot. As in each serving was small but when you eat everything, it's wow...
Then yesterday for cle, we watched a movie. It was so touching i cried... sobs... it's sweet and all too.. teaches the value of friendship and equality. 'Remember the Titans' based on a true story. I wonder who's the number 48 guy... Diy ni.. Sape-sape je number 48. Shall find out Haha..
Then we had the CCA Merits workshop. I went for AVAPA. It's kinda cool. But we ended at 11.45 when the time allocated for the workshop was to end at 1.30. In the end, I slept at the AVAPA room. Hehe.. the rest of the girls started doing the Rubrik's cube. People are liked hooked up or smthg. I go around and I see people doing it but it's kinda fun I guess but mentally exhausting.
Then today, we supposedly had to practice the choral speaking. But in the end, I helped Anthea and Farah to complete the script. I passed the other classes, they were already practicing the lines. Sighs... and auditions' this friday.
But we shall pulled it off and like NDP. Last-minute work but still... it came off good.
Then had asthetic talk. Wee! we're going to learn cooking again next year. Nicer food. Japanese cuisine... Italian food... chicken chop.. and dunno what else ah...
YAY!! 202 won the 2nd place for the ACP with a net profit of about $640!!! *Applause!!!* And the 1st class' profit was about 800 bucks. That's a bloody hell a lot of difference. But in total, the whole level earned more than 4000 bucks. Yay!
Oh and had OBS check up. I'm fit to go!
Feeling ever so betrayed. How the hell can anyone ever do such a thing?? Can't you at least have compassion and understanding?? Is it too much to ask for? You told me you regretted it once and you're doing it again. If you know you're such a jerk and an ass, then why bother making it work in the first place? You're going to end up breaking someone's heart and hopes again. That's so monstrous. When all the hopes was put on you, all you did was just disregard it? And what was it that you told me about friendship? Huh? You told me to stay true remember? Try to make things work for the better. And you're turning yourself against your words. Do you even hear what you speak? Or you don't care and just giving me PC answers, speak it for the sake of speaking it? I mean.. who the hell are you to be giving me sermons when you yourself is damn inperfect, two-faced backstabber and you don't practice what you preach?? I seriously don't get you. And you seriously need to rethink.

2007-10-21T03:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks a lot to those who got me the birthday presents and those who wished me a happy birthday. I love the stuff Nas, Feena and Fitri got for me. Thanks a lot. Oh and I got my Jane Austen novel compilation :) Had dinner with my family. Ate pizza. Gave Idris (my brother) the present I got him(thanks Siti). In case I don't get a chance to blog tomorrow, Happy Birthday Idris <33.
Sighs... believe it or not, I'm sick right now.
EYA results were horrible. Lit, Maths and Geog, the subjects I studied my butt off to improve my GPA. In the end, I got shitass results from them. But whatever, it is over.
I'm out of mood right now...
My Wish
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you wanna go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
if it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
Chorus:
But more than anything, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more than you take.
Chorus:
But More than anything, yeah, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
Yeah. My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
Some little motivation for myself... and this is for you too..
You forgot didn't you?

2007-10-18T05:49:00.000-07:00

K.. raya so far..
we went solat raya at the padang near my place. k, not so near la.. it's like 15 min walk away from my place and that's if u chiong. then there was sharahan (it's tt how it's spelt?) and i didn't know i fell asleep but my mum was nudging me awake. but i could hear what the ustaz was saying. about how we should appreciate bulan ramadhan and bulan syawal, the significance of aidilfitri, and also about the benefits of fasting with relation to islam's identity. then balik and tido!!!! the afternoon we ate turkey. like turkey on raya?? it's weird la cos it's my first time eating turkey anyway.. my mum was like "this yr's raya, we go western" and i'm like okayye..? she ordered turkey from canadian.
then it rained. so we waited like till petang for the rain to stop. then, went to yayi's place and saw bibi and kak siti, kak mina and kak mimi (my cuzzies) there. Then yeah.. paman yunus was there too with bi' ani and fazlin and abang faizal and ihsan, he's so cute!! and so big now..mulut dah pandai cakap dah, ada laser pulak tu... abang faizal's like damn tan now ah cos of n.s. then after that, we went to paman yunus' place. we took bus frm yayi's place. but abg faizal rode on his bike. and i'm like wow mann.. his bike is hot!! like motorbike, motorcycle and not bicycle.. damn cool..
Then from there, we, as in with paman yunus and family also, went to paman harun's place. oh mann.. there was nice food!!! and damn pedas la..the ayam masak merah.. but it was nice.. :) always like bi's cooking. anyway.. damn sad la.. my cuz, paman harun's son was away at n.s. so didn't get to see him.
then we called it a day.. yep.
then the next day, auntie tom came with uncle azman and my cuzzies too!! sarah is freaking tall!!! could pass off ama o.O.. then there's hanis.. so cool, she plays the drums too! then there was isyak and kak nadia.. NYAHAHA i'm taller than kak nadia. then they ate the turkey.. it's like so big, my family makan tak habis the day before so hehe simpan the leftovers then let my cuzs eat for lunch.. then they went to paman samad's place. then at abt 2 pm, abang yazid came to my place with his wife and kids. oh mann!! danial is almost as tall as me now.. and he's p6. pfft... anyway, wish him luck for his PSLE results.. it was pretty sad then.. as in abg yazid's wife was complaining about him. see.. abg yazid's relationship with his dad, who's my uncle, who's my mum's brother, was weird. basically, they avoid each other whenever possible. and my mum was advising abg yazid that whatever happens, he's still abg yazid's dad and he should visit my uncle even if it's 5 min per visit. and somemore, it's raya.. well, no doubt my uncle still has his ego.. he wouldn't tell abg yazid whenever he comes hme cos my uncle, he stays in indon. so when he cmes back to s'pore, he wouldn't tell abg yazid. oh well.. and to be honest, i cnt rmbr how my uncle looks like..
then we went to my neighbour's open house. i had to struggle not to eat. i saw my parents and my abang eat like oh mannn... and there's like ayam masak merah and sambal telur.. and like other nice nice stuff.. but idris and me, we rata the satey. wee!!! we also watched lakehouse at my neighbour's house with mastura.
then malam.. oh mann.. my dad got a call frm cik rahmat and uncle charley, saying they wanna cme over. so my mum and i prepare the drinks and stuff. wahh.. then sekali got a call from my cuz and they wanna cme over too! niway, they came before cik rahmat and uncle charley came. the house was like jam-packed!
k, there was...
my cuz, kak juli and abang sudirman but we just call him abg man with danish and oh shoot.. i forget my neice's name.
then there was kak shasha and kak jina a.k.a. sandra bullocks. haha! she really look like sandra bullocks.
then paman samad and cik aida, with my cuzzies, haider, aqid, sabrina, and the little boy who's name is kinda too long and i cnt rmbr.. woops.. and also ashraf. it's been really long since i saw him. we were kinda close then. then, idk what happened but i think the last tym i saw him was when i was in lower pri. and it's kinda sad cos i don't think he rmbrs me as his cuz cos he salam-ed me even tho we're in the same age.
the there's abg hai and his wife (who's indon and dutch and dunno what else.. cool eh?) and their kid..
then cik rahmat and his family and uncle charley with his family. imagine.. uncle charley's daughters' names are nadia and diana. cool much??
my mum and me, we were rushing to serve dinner and pour more drinks and making sure there's enough kuih.. and everyone was spread across both halls. i was like running here and there trying not to stumble over my baby cuz and nephews and nieces cos man they're really small. and my dearest two brother, what did they do??? main game..main drum.. like wth?? dnt say kitchen work is only for females..
and i can't believe abg man can play the drum. we had a mini concert. haha! abg man totally rocked the house! hehe.. tak nak balik pulak tuu!! then everyone was like 'encore!' hehe.. lucky sia my neighbours up and down berderet org melayu so they go beraya. then they won't get distrub by our racket.
then, i wished abg hai a happy advanced birthday!! wee!! he's birthday is on 20th which is the same day as mine too!! cool!!
then on the nxt day, auntie asia with her hubby and kak radiah came over.. so long havent seen them. rindu jugak.. hehe X) oh wells.. since they took care of me and my abg when we were small cos my mum used to work.
aite.. that's all for now.. posting results tmr when i get back everything.

2007-10-11T20:56:00.000-07:00

Wow.. when we were all mugging like mad.. now exams are over and tomorrow's raya already. wow mann.. time flies. but i realy dnt have tt raya mood. my mum's bugging me to clean up my room but i'm like wtev la.. cant be bothered la.. not lyk they gonna eat and watev at my rm right..
k, i think EOYs was ok.. but the paper that i regreted most was maths. i mean, wth?? didn't do 2 qs so 11 marks gone. erm.. i was hoping my hist will turn out ok cos i dunno if i had explain enough. i was hoping geog will pull me up but seeing how the paper is so shit... im putting my hopes on lit which i think it shld be ok la.. as in im not expecting to get A but at least a B or a C.
then today had to go to sch for choral speaking rehearsal. it was stupid. i mean, it's like we stayed there for 1 hr listening to the teacher talk and she gave plenty of tips. i mean it's kinda cool but it's pretty stupid to attend smthg for only 1 hr. i take more than 1 hr to travel to sch. i bet the enthu ppl like cheryl lee, rachel and trisha would want us to get in. i mean we got in for RBD and national day concert so i guess they want us to get in for drama night. then it'd be like complete. and then there's netball carn. so i hope our class will do fine.
oh mann i still rmbr last yr!! woots!! go 105'06!! netball carn champs!! woots! k, i didn't play for the class but i helped paint the banner which i forgot won which place. nat goh just rocks at art! haha. then on the day we painted the banner, we ended up dancing in class. afiqah rocks man! haha. we went youtube then played songs. then we danced hip hop. the routine that the teacher taught us. and also the HSM we're all in this together. lols!! was being pretty childish.
then wow mann.. complete sia.. drama night we won 2nd place. cool much?? hehe.. i played J.K. Rowling. haha.. what British accent i had to try to make up but it was screwed in the end. so i kinda speak in my normal way.
oh haha! i still rmbred we kinda prank mr sekhar. we told him we lost netball carn. then farah or dunno who called him. wahh.. then the voice all depressed sia. then he came rushing to our class. then everyone was pretending to be so sad liddat.. he actually believed us! then suddenly everybody laughed and we started screaming and jumping and he's like 'what?what?' haha then we were all like screaming 'we won!' lawls... but after that our rehearsal for drama night was pretty screwed cos everyone was tired by then. but it was cool... love 105'06 forevery!!!
k, so today.. was otw to sch for the choral speaking thing. it's dumb la.. who wanna do choral speaking? if it's like skit or smthg at least it won't be too bad i guess. but choral speaking?!?! and using merchant of venice somemore.. wth??
oh mann.. just now was weird. was gg to sch. then there was this guy standing at the escalator at orchard boulevard. he was handing out newspapers. then i saw the title was 'my paper' so i just took it. then otw up the escalator,i opened it up and guess what... it was in chinese. lol..
then, saw the 190 bus so i ran for it. the bus wasn't moving. there was a bus in front of it. so i just crossed the road to the bus stop by running in btwn the buses then waved to the uncle. then he opened the door so i went in. then saw vivien then i sat nxt to her. then we talk la.. we were like complaining. it's damn dumb to make us come back for 1 hr. they shld have it like ytd aft maths paper. i mean maths finished at 9.30 la.. it's still way in the morning. they got the whole bloody afternoon. then bus reach sch already. then alighted. then saw mr lim as in lim pia leong. then i greeted him la.. like 'morning mr lim'. oh mann.. i still find it awkward seeing him cos last yr he was like giving me this heart-to-heart talk. it was suppose to be la but i didn't wanna open up so yea.. then after greeting so vivien and i just walk on. then suddenly he came to me and said 'next time don't run in between buses' i'm like oh shit!! so embarased la! he saw like wth?? vivien didn't know what he was talking abt so i told her what i did then she was like 'oh...' haiz..
k, im darn bored right now.. oh man. have to clean my rm then wash shoes. i think im gonna have another shower. so hot sia..
to all muslims... since i wouldn't have time to blog tmr..
SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI MINAL WAFAIZIN
MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN
i hoped i spelt it right. k.. rmbr not to eat too much kuih or drink too much sweet drinks. wouldn't want to grow horizontally. XD

2007-10-06T00:04:00.000-07:00

All this time- Simon Webbe
After all, the broken stones
That were thrown, for no good reason
Inside, she's loving him still
After all this time
And though her heart begs the stars
No sign of healing,It's All right
She's loving him still, after all this time.
Oh yeah
[Chorus:]
Trying to push the past away
Still waiting for the lights to change
Try, try for the sake of their pride, pride
Learning to barely feel the pain
Thicker the skin the less the strain
And though it's really hurting
She ain't breaking, breaking, breaking
'Cause she's loving him still, after all this time
Now he knows his weakness shows
Selfish soul, never changing
That's fine, because she's loving him still
After all this time
And to the outside eye
You see a family getting by
And it all seems perfect, and that's how she wants it
'Cause she's loving him still, after all this time.
[Chorus]
After all this time...
After all, after all, after all this time
Bones have to grow, and age it shows
Though we try and hide it
Inside, she's loving him still
After all this time
And behind his tired eyes, she sees the boy with his arms wide
Who made her feel like an angel
Oh that's why she's loving him still
For the rest of her life, she's loving him still
For the last of many miles
She's loving him still
After all this time
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This song just makes me think about some things and some people.
Let october pass by fast.
A small hope that will go amiss. sighs...

2007-10-05T02:06:00.000-07:00

I think Miley Cyrus just rocks! Man.. my brother doesn't like her songs. But it's like super nice! Fine.. maybe we have different tastes but i think Miley Cyrus has talent. Some of her songs are not really to my taste but the ones that i like.. how can abang say it's not nice?? pfft...
Niwaes.. on tuesday, we recorded our voices for music. sucks i tell you.. we all had micro-phobia. like microphone phobia. haha.. trust nina to come up with 'mico-phobia'. she always has cute ideas. niwaes.. mr lim took over mr kok. and we recorded our voice. maybe it's just nervousness or what cos without the mic, everyone sounded perfectly fine. as in some of their voices are like wow. but with the mic, even emily sounded flat. and imagine my voice.. lols..
I think mr lim simply rock my socks! he can play the piano like wow.. talk about being proooodddeddd mann!! he's been in the music industry for 20 years or so. and to imagine he hated piano at first. his aunt was his teacher. haha! he said he used to compose and write music for the taiwanese singers but he didn't always get his songs sold. so now he has his own business where he help artiste do a demo. basically what we did in class. cool right??
and except for our voices i think our songs are really nice like emily's group's song. it's really really wow.. but erm.. haha.. the voices kinda ruin everything. but apart from that, it's damn damn nice!! when i played the songs on my comp, my brothers just had to walk in and go 'what's this noise?' and they were commenting how our voices all sumbang. please la.. it's not that we are professinal singers right.. u wanna harp on bad voices, harp on hudgens' voice. oh well.. some might say she rocks. i think NOT! and her songs don't appeal to my taste. niwaes.. my abang was like 'if u know u can't sing, then don't sing la..' wtf.. it's not like we had a choice. we were practically FORCED to sing by mr lim cann?? if we had a choice, we would run out of class.. talk about spoilers.. it's not like it's easy to compose a song. and i doubt they could compose anything almost as good as ours within a short period of time. HAH! that shut them up. *grins*
but we couldn't have done it without mr kok and mr lim. oh mann.. no more music next yr.. spoiler much..! urgh..
so thurs we had philo and english. english like totally screwed up.. it's almost ok. but it's still screwed up. philo was ok. damn.. philo class u can fall asleep. philo exam also u wanna fall asleep! dunno what's up with philo and sleeping.. best pals. but philo can be interesting.. at times.. philo should make friends with ms r. XD
and today we had mly compo and geog. mly was ok.. but i kinda missed the point. sidetracked a bit. geog is stupid can?? the questions are like so vague. we don't know what they're looking for. in the end, it doesn't matter how well we revised cos we can't understand those darn questions!! so most of us like just shoot in any answers we think is what they're looking for. and the percentage thing is bloody stupid!! have to calculate this and that. it's so sian i tell u! in the end, i spent like 20 minutes on that bloody question and it only hold 4 marks. idiotic much??
so now... mugging lit.. and history. yep.4 down 5 to go.. hold on tight people! we're in for a ride! yee-haaaaaaaaaahhhh! lols.. and mr chang said 'enjoy your EOYs' like who will? uh nuh-uh! XD attitude people.. attitude..
oh.. haha.. my brother shared this joke with the family. it's cute. come on.. primary school kids.. hehe
my brother, idris:
how do u spell 'blind pig'?
us:
erm.. b-l-i-n-d p-i-g?
idris:
no..
us:
erm..?
idris:
it's b-l-n-d p-g. cos if there's 2 'i's, the pig won't be blind!!
get it?? haha corny much..
and then there's what starts with an 'e' and ends with an 'e' and has a letter inside?
ans: envelope!
haha.. we were all like 'eye??'
toodle-doo! i have some mugging to do!

2007-09-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

i'm tired of sitting on the fence. by keeping quiet, it's as though i'm agreeing to it. but inside, only god knows what storm is raging. and i'm tired of making up excuses for you i mean come on... how much longer are you gonna take to finally mature? all these while i'm just keeping quiet cos i do prioritise your feelings and i still value our friendship. but tell me what friendship is there where it's only one sided? and i think it's rather dumb to be so concerned about you when you don't give a rat's fart about my feelings. i don't even know why i stick with you so long. it's not like i'm so desperate to gain some friends. but i made a commitment and a promise and unlike you, i do keep my promise okay.. to take care of you in your so fragile a state and when your mind is so disorganised. so here's my side of the story. and it's gonna be in white so you have a choice to read it or not.
i'm not surprised if after this you're not going to talk to me anymore. you and your kuncu-kuncu. but i really don't care anymore. and if firdaus told me i was being stupid that i'm fell for someone who evidently doesn't care about me. then this is a repetition of what's going on between us. all that i've done for you, you just don't seem to value it. i'm not looking for any kind of reward and i'm not expecting you to always be there for me. but a little gratitude, you mean to show you don't even have enough humanity in you to showcase your gratitude?
you know how un-subtle i can be. i won't mind telling you in your face how i feel about this matter. but this is my flaw. i can never live to hurt someone else. usually others' feelings have been my priority until even if i breakdown for a few nights in a row i still won't care about my condition that much.
and besides, even if i told you, it's not like you would listen. and all the while my excuse for you is that you're not in the right state of mind because of the problem you're facing. but that problem is stupid and it can be easily avoided. so i don't know what to else to say in your name against my better judgement. i mean, it just proves you're too wrapped up with yourself. and you don't really care what goes on around you. cos most of your life is just you and you and you. prove me wrong girl. prove me. and besides, i know you always come here to read my posts maybe to pick a fault against me so might as well read this post right?
ok, first things first. i don't want to be like you. who the hell wants to be like you? one of you is enough for ten thousand lifetimes. so what if i cut my hair?? i've always to since early sec 1. it's just that there hasn't been time or i was just too lazy. so i put it aside. cos unlike you, i'm not that vain. and my pouch, so? my wallet got torn. so obviously i need a new one. i found the pouch i'm using in my closet while cleaning it so i might as well use it than buying a new one. and don't you think i would wanna buy a nicer pouch that matches yours if i do ever wanna be like you? and you said i'm putting on your behaviour. that, i'm sorry ok. but don't you think that people will get a little influence when he/she hangs out with another person long enough? so you say i wanna be like you and you want me to change right? to be unlike you. fine by me. i never wanted to be like you in the first place. then what about others? you're gonna lie and say that there aren't others who are putting on a bit of your behaviour, your style? and i'm not restricting it to only girls. i mean even the dudes are using your words. apaever. apa-apalah and whatever else there is. so how can you blame me?
and you don't like the idea that i'm a bit more enthusiastic when y'all talk about guys. and if it still hasn't gone into your head. then you should know that i'm only doing it to fit in. sort of. you're like boy-expert or something and almost all your life, i don't know how many guys like you. and if guys are the only topic you can talk about apart from you and your guy problems (see? it's all back to guys again), then just for the sake of friendship, i have to lie and be a little more involve when you mention that topic. i seriously don't know why i bother trying. so if you're telling me to shut up about guys. then reflect a bit. and you shut your mouth about guys too. fair enough?
and you don't like me being more open and hyper. that is damn stupid. isn't me being more open means that i trust you more? i never knew that trust is such a bad thing. but if that's the case, then it's ok if you think i'm way below your feet that my trust isn't worthy. besides, i've fallen off my respect for you gradually since you came to me with your guy problems and when you're a little better, you go off and leave me alone. it's like i'm your tissue paper or something? when you need me you come to me and if not you dump me aside like some trash? and you proved to me you can't be trusted on important issues.
and when have i been 'snatching' guys from you? i admit i do talk a bit about guys, some of them your crushes, but it's my general impression about them. do you hear yourself talking? and how you go into explicit details about guys? hey i'm not as bad as you okay. talking about hypocrites. you're one of them. i don't mean to be harsh but that's the truth to me.
and just cos guys like you, doesn't mean you have to choose one of them. so what if guys like you? it's their damn business what their hearts tell them. yang kau nak perasan sangat apa hal? and if you like a guy, doesn't mean he has to return you the feelings you show him. learn to appreciate gratitude that he has shown you.
and you're so weak. he shakes you a bit. to you it's like the earthquake. start praying. no point you telling him to be good when you yourself is in a shit mess.
and stop being so materialistic. stop being so biased, one-sided, hypocritical, self-centered. stop thinking the world revolves around you.
i think i've said enough. and i'm not going to be surprised if after this you gonna show your true colours after reading this. if only other people know how y'all bitch. and you said you're sick about some people making up stories about you. then take a leaf out of your own book and stop bitching about people too. you can choose not to admit what i've said to be true. hell, it's your choice. i don't care. because knowing you, you usually turn a blind eye on your flaws. you acknowledge but you don't understand. you hear but you don't listen. so i hope you read and it goes in your head.
if i have been too harsh and too biased or basically if you think i'm not being fair. then tell me and prove me wrong about what i've said. if not, silent means consent. i'm not gonna apologise for saying what i said. and if you're gonna think more ill of me after reading this, then tell me. so i wouldn't waste money getting you a birthday present if you're not gonna appreciate it. and return me the book i borrowed from the library so that i can return it to the library tomorrow. that is if you can be trusted enough to do one simple thing.

2007-09-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

wee! finally got rs presentation over.. all the cursing and frustration ends last tuesday. and there's still the biggest mess we're gonna have to go through starting this thursday. hell.. i can start today. wth.. EYA or EOY, it spells the same thing... exams!
k.. putting that aside.. french controle was killer. k it was so stupid. siti and i skipped school. we were allowed to. and we met at woodlands library to study at 11. and then we got all kan chiong cos our parents didn't call the school. we didn't know if they're suppose to even if we are excused from attending school. so what did we do??? go all the freaking way back to school. then we went GO and confirmed that we didn't truant. cos if we're absent and our parents didn't call, the it'd be considered truancy. and i think that goes straight to BETA. i think.
so we reached school during lunch time and spent only 20 minutes there? and then... the clerk was like 'you don't have to call if your teachers know you are taking the exam'. after confirming we aren't in deep trouble, we just left for moelc. or rather an-nadhah. we reached there at almost 2 i think. and siti was like 'why did we go all the way back to school again?'
k that was just a weird day...
so now my wishlist:
k.. this is more of what i need
1. a new bag. the one im wearing is seriously old and dirty.
2. a pencil box. the zip on mine got accidently pulled off. and yeah it got dirtied by ink.
3. a file. nv really realised how much ws we get in sch. and i want the high school musical file. as in the 1st musical. cos there's everyone inside and the design is nicey-nice! the high school musical 2 file designs are either there's everyone but the background is pretty plain or there's a nice cover but it's pink and not everyone's in it.
4. a notebook. k this isn't really very important. so maybe i can hold on to that for a while. oh and i really like the high school musical notebook. not high school musical 2 notebooks. it's the 1st musical. it's really nice. but i still can't fully decide. if i would, i'd just get them all! nyahaha!
5. compilation of jane austen's novels. k my dad is buying that. wee! damn it cost 40 bucks.
6. i wanna watch:
pride and prejudice
step up [im so behind..]
hairspray [woo! zac efron!]
7. and i'll think of the rest... the jacket and the shirt aren't really that appealing to me anymore. yeah it's nice. but it was more of an impulse at the moment when i said i wanted it.
so this afternoon had history remedial. wth.. 3 hrs.. damn.. im so wiped out. oh haha! just now, hanis, farah and i were like so hyper and we kept laughing. and i was a bit evil just now.. hehe.. we did trigo! and we were talking crap.. k.. some things have to be kept just btwn us..shh ppl! Then farah's dad send me to bukit panjang otw to clementi cos farah was visiting her aunt. and we were still so high we were making a fool of ourselves in the car. we were listening to farah's mp3 just now. and we were like acting out the songs.. like drama drama. haha! then got a bit the jiwang songs. so we were all like.. holding our hearts... and pretending we were really dedicating it to someone. haha! lameos!
haha k.. time flies... eoy is coming. slacked tonight. so tomorrow, gonna have to start working. jiayou ppl!

2007-09-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

Hehe... I'm blogging in malay class. cikgu is not here. aww mann... later have to meet cikgu roz after school for rs. die die die!!! tmr is the presentation. i should start writing my will before tmr. hehe. anyway, i think there shouldn't be a problem la... let's hope not anyway.
Urm... i haven't finish my french homework. and i have french later. oh crap. RI ppl will be joining our class. hmph! menyibuk! hehe..
i am so broke! i don't get pocket money during bulan puasa. how sad is that man??? and i need to pay for my last month's phone bill... i still haven't gotten my phone back. 12 more days of waiting or so... so i don't know if i should go for friday's ymc buka or not. like i said, i am so broke! and i need to get bdae presents for some ppl... hehe and i want to belanja some ppl but i think that is definitely a no no now.. considering my financial state. humph! empower u is getting to me agn! hehe.. i love the file cover. such a nice jump shot! hey... no fair!!! my bro gets to go empower u agn! like free... so jealous mann... dale invited him to come agn. how cool is that? so sad... what to do? can't fork out 300 bucks cos i ain't that rich.
i wanna go empower u agn!! wee!! then can be a facist there too! wee!! but honestly even if dad suddenly becomes very generous and allow me to go agn, i dunno if i have the time to commit to empower u. but it shld be fun and not very time consuming.. according to mahdi, that is...
okay.. bell is gonna ring soon. so i shall end here. ta-ta!!
butt cramps and heartaches...

2007-09-22T07:38:00.000-07:00

i dunno how to keep quiet anymore. im like so gonna blow!!!
i'm so tired!!! tired of so many things... physically and mentally tired. the whole day i've been out. from madrasah i chiong to tuition. information overload!!!
and i'm tired of hearing so many excuses. when everything just doesn't make sense. how about just telling to my face that u dont care??? [k. im talking abt a few ppl here who just don't give a damn] it'd at least make my head not as jumbled up as it is now. and i'm really tired of making up excuses for other ppl. when it isn't my fault but theirs. i dunno wth im defending them for in the first place. it's plain ass clear it's their mistake. i just have to learn everything the hard way i guess. not everyone in this world is worth putting ur full trust in.
and i stink. i haven't bathe since i got back frm tuition.
im so fcuking pissed right now. i dnt care it's bulan puasa right now. i'll bertaubat later or smthg. but right now... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! i'm still not satisfied!!!
the injustice of it all.... and i'm so fcuking mad now i'm crying; the screen is like blur right now. or mayb it's cos i took out my specs. im gonna go to my pillow tonight and start venting out later after i finish up my rs. which i think by then i'd be too tired to vent and just fall asleep. but that's a gd thing cos all my energy is directed to a gd manner... rs!
and im so pissed at myself right now. wth am i blogging when i'm suppose to do rs?!?!?!?!
rasyidah u asshole... pfffft....!!!! focus la idiot! off for rs.

2007-09-20T05:36:00.000-07:00

dunno why but suddenly i like wearing school tee at home. yesterday i was wearing the 3R shirt and now i'm wearing tarbet house shirt. yay! alamakk... i feel so uncomfortable seh.. going out wearing shirt and 3/4 pants. went down to pay for my adik's shin guard and ___ guard as he was having taekwondo class. then got some guys (mats) loitering around the place my adik go for taekwondo lessons. as i walk pass them.. eeiiii! tengok semacam.. like haven't seen a girl before is it??? cis...
k today's french oral. screwed up! i got mlle lim as my examiner. lolxx! she was my sec 1 teacher. k then, i basically crapped la... my grammar quite trashed. rahman is suppeeerrr funny! he got the topic 'asking your mum if you can skip school' for conversation. so the examiner has to roleplay as the mum.
so rahman was like (in french la...)
rahman: i cannot go to school because i'm sick. i have fever.
examiner: you don't have fever.
rahman: i have pain in my leg.
examiner: [looks down for a while] you're leg is fine.
rahman: i don't like my teachers because they are boring. they go to class and sleep.
examiner: no, your teachers are hardworking.
rahman: my friends don't like me.
examiner: no, your friends like you.
rahman: [frustrated, looks at watch] maman, aujourd-hui, il est samedi. il n'y a pas d'ecole!
haha!!!! guess what that means...
mother, today is saturday. there is no school!
haha!! hilarious!! siti and i were laughing like madddd!!! rahman's sense of humour is really amusing. like he was giving excuses one after another so as not to go to school... then out the blue he tells his 'mum' there's no school! haha... so funny... and he also got the topic vacation.
k for me, i didn't really know what to talk abt based on the topic i got. i got vacation and the topic 'talk about a bad/good day that happened last week'.
k so i wanted to talk abt csp camp for the vacation topic buuttt... i didn't know enough vocab so in the end i decided to talk abt gg to KL for my cuz's wedding. then i forgOt the word 'wedding' in french. so i changed halfway and said i went to KL for her birthday party. wow...so far.. and i said i got her a bk for her to write in. lolsss... then talk abt gg shopping. k la... then the talk abt a bad/good day, i chose to talk abt a bad day. dunno what hit me but i suddenly felt like talking abt having a bad stomachache. all was made up. haha.. lols..
controle 3 next thurs!!! mak datuk nenek...
ooh and i saw roslan in the mrt.. so weird.. i went into the train, so that means i'll be facing away from the mrt station right. then when i was turning to my right to face the door that's facing the mrt station, i saw him and i was like 'oh that anugerah dude...' and it didn't register in my mind. and i'm like wait... [look again] it's the anugerah dude... wow...
then there was a bunch of madrasah girls right behind me. and they were all giggly... and they were like 'yeah it's him.. really..' lols.. then as they were getting down at woodlands, they purposely walk pass roslan to get to a different door when they could have just exit via the door i was facing. as in i didn't move from my position in front of the door, they were right behind me. roslan was sitting somewhere to my left as i face the door.
then, on the mrt station, the girls were like walking slowly to the escalator cos they wanted to get a glimpse of him as the train moves. i find that really silly. as in seriously, he's just a guy and honestly, not that good-looking. maybe ppl think he can sing but still... lain la kalau syarif ke.. *grins* hehe...
ooh.. i saw a lot of ppl today. saw mahdi. it was so weird. i was in 105 with siti and we were sitting at the back of the bus. then i saw him running pass 105 for the bus behind. siti and i were talking and when i saw him pass i suddenly said 'hi mahdi. bye mahdi' like lolss.. not like he could he hear me anyway. siti was like 'that's him?' haha.. he cut his hair. he looks a bit funny. oops..
then at bishan, i saw chin jie. super long since i've talked to him. lazly la to take the earlier train. then i'll have to leave house earlier if i wanna go to sch with him.
then at moelc, i saw kimmy! and tong meng, my 6i chums!, but i didn't talk to tong meng. and siti saw her pri sch friend. that was really weird. she was like struggling whether to ask if he was her pri sch friend. and i kinda saboed her a bit. she told me his name is samuel. so i said his name loudly cos he shares the same name as my pri sch friend. he was right behind me. and to cover up, i suddenly talk abt the samuel from my pri sch. then as he walked pass us, he suddenly ask, 'you're atiqah right?' and siti was like 'hi!' haha...! k i shld start calling siti atiqah now.

2007-09-18T05:21:00.001-07:00

ooh... just now, miza and i stayed back for rs. and we actually did a lOt! that's cool actually... oh die die die... presentation is next wk. lucky.. our panel will be cg nur and melhan.
alamak.. cg melhan kesian seh.. got involve in an accident. hmm.. mengucap..
u know.. i've been nice.. i'm suddenly like doa-ing for everyone i know. quote from mr azmizar 'turunnya 'wahyu''. haha.. lol! oh i forgot to blog abt our interview w him. it was damn funny! wahlao.. he's mly is v fluent and he uses cheem words.. like menyerap minat. idea yang bernas and dunno what else.. fine.. i know he was a malay dj.. cool eh? ya i've been praying for everyone.. like sedekahkan al-fatihah to feena, diy, lena, siti, firdaus, nas, fidz, wis, khai and other ppl that i know.. prayed for their happiness and my family's too.
k just now, my mum asked me to send food to my neighbours' house. and i went to my cousin's house to hantar makanan. when he opened the door... got a shock of my life! he's so tall!!! pfft... haha.. well everybody has to grow.. and he look so different.. he used to be shorter than me and plum. now, he's like tall and slim.. not bad eh.. quite gd looking too with his hair messed up. bangun tido kut.. haha.. too bad he's my cuz :P

2007-09-18T04:40:00.000-07:00

The quiz fidz tagged me for:
List out your Top 5 Birthday Presents Which You Wish For:
1) HSM file and keychain!!
2) a laptop
3) that nice nice nice jacket!!
4) a trip to Australia
5) that outing...
Answer the following questions:
1. The person who tagged you was?
Hafidzhin
2. Your relationship with him/her is?
friends only
3. Your 5 impressions of him/her?
1) cRaZy!!
2) friendly
3) funny
4) a little weird... :P
5) eats a lOt.. [but still thin.. wth.. haha]
4. Most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
being a super crazy orage-ian! oh and finding my ring :)
5. Most memorable words he/she has said to you?
squishy squishy orange!
wobbly wobbly orange!
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
even before that!!! pray a lot...
7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be?
i dunno?! like he would ever be in the first place...
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
dao him...? hit him on the head. can't think of any other evill-er stuffs
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
...?
10. The thing you desire to do most for him/her would be?
err... i dunno.. get a birthday present or smthg... as a gratitude for being a crazy orange-ian
11. Overall impression of him/her?
nice and friendly person :P
12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
quiet..?
13. A character trait you love about yourself?
patient (in certain ways)
14. A character trait you hate about yourself?
quiet. slacker.
15. Person you want to be?
gabriella montez or delta goodrem! smart, pretty and talented! or maybe i'll just be me :)
16. Say something to the people who care for you?
thank you!
17. Pass this quiz to 10 people to know what they feel about you
1) amalina
2) siti
3) hariz
4) diyanah
5) adri
6) maryam
7) wisnuh
8) aqid
9) sufyan
10) Nadhirah
Who is #6 having a relationship with?
dunno... no one?
Is #9 a male or female?
neither? haha.. HE is a boy
If #7 and #10 are together, will it be a good thing?
i dunno... both are nice ppl :D
How about #8 and #5?
haha... maybe?
What is #2 studying about?
how to be a squirrel! haha..
When was the last you talked to #3?
oh mann... quite some time ago
What kind of music does #8 like?
i dunno.. rock? heh..
Does #1 have any siblings?
yeah...
Will You woo #3?
erm.. i guess no
How about #7?
haha.. he's attached alr..
Is #4 single?
yeps
What's #5's surname?
none
How about #10's?
none
#4's hobby?
fashion!!
Do #5 and #9 get along?
guess so..
Where does #2 study at?
RGS
Say something casual about #1?
funkaayyee!
Have you tried developing feelings about #8?
never!
Where does #9 live?
sembawang
Are #5 and 1# best friends?
erm.. i dunno but quite close
Does #7 like #2?
at least they're not enemies... so yay!
How did you get to know #2?
school...
Does #1 have any pets?
err... dunno. oops..
Is #7 the sexiest person in the world?
astaghfirullah...

2007-09-17T03:44:00.000-07:00

Oooh.. there's 15 min left till buka so i shall chiong. k erm... oral was ok. haha. i never did any preparation except last minitue ones. even that, well i just skimmed through the list of commonly mispronounced words. but the exam was ok. got megan seah. ok la.. but heard she's strict so wallahualambissawa. i think i was less nervous during the conversation. apa-apa la.. over already so shan't think too much.
alah... annoying la... my arm still hurting. pffft...
k shall ignore the pain.
i just realised i'm getting more hardworking these days. yekeh? really? haha.. don't really know. but.. but.. see here, i did my homework by saturday evening last week. how cool is that? discount la all those questions that i didn't do cos i'm not very sure. and i found time to read up for rs. and i've been paying attention in class and revising stuff. woo!
ok then move on to results. k i flung my french. 35/70. amazing.. then having french oral this thursday. nauzubillah... then my mly pt got erm.. 19/28. and my maths got 28/40. apa la.. got minus 2 marks cos of presentation. cis keju amatlah sedap.
horrible horrible horrible me.. ooh and geog was 12/20. so much for being 'smart'. i feel so terrible. and dad thinks im undervaluing myself. and mrs chia is still convince that our class didn't perform badly.
k moving on... last friday went to masjid an-nadhah to solat asar w lenny and feena. then waited for maghrib. then buka. feena brought kurma and biskut. thankeww! the makcik-makcik there asked us to go down to eat. we didn't. we're like so out of place. pakai tak tutup aurat. so in the end we choing solat before the jemaah start so that we can leave cos we didn't want the makcik to make us feel guilty by asking us to go down to eat agn. but luck wasn't on our side. terserempak ngan makcik tu lagi... but we still didn't go down. then lenny and feena wanted to buka at kfc so i just followed. then lenny's dad send us to causeway. then i went home. feena went out w her family. by the time i reached home, was abt 9 plus. apa lagi... tido lah.. haha.. takdela.. baca buku melayu. it's my 2nd bk in less than 1 wk. buku melayu lagi.. quite touching la.. not so the cliche love story.
k i go break fast...
come back...
hmm... alah.. can't think of anything else to write.. ooh.. delta goodrem will be releasing her latest album on 20 october 2007!!! moi birthday :D k.. i'm so full even though i didn't really eat. Flying without wings by westlife is nice. :)

2007-09-15T06:03:00.000-07:00

Everytime i come home from english class, i'll accidently meet someone. It's pretty weird but it's cool. Otw from my first lesson, i met fird and the SA ppl. Then on the 3rd lesson, i saw a kakak from nus. I forgot her name. But yea, she was with her bf so i didn't went over to say hi. Then otw hme i the train saw... desmond!!! omg... it's been months. and he was with his gf.
I'm so pissed right now. K, first i thought there will be ymc so i planned to cancel my eng class. I just asked my other mates if they're alright with that and they actually believed it was canceled. I didn't confirm i wasn't gonna come. So, they told the teacher i wasn't coming and she actually canceled today's class and because my dad confiscated my phone, i didn't know she sent an sms saying class was canceled. So, idiotly, i went all the way to city hall and when i came, she asked what was i there for. And i didn't go for sl because there's supposed to be english class so imagine if i did know english class was canceled, i could have gone for sl and knock in some hours. blearghhh... anyway, since there wasn't class, i walked all the way to masjid sultan to solat asar. then i went to look for the bus stop with the bus 960 to woodlands. khai told me that there was 960 bus service in bugis. so in order to save about 50 cents cos i used bus consention stamp, i went hunting for that bus stop and yea i found it! it was a pretty long walk. oh and they are renovating the women's toilet at masjid sultan. k it was a nice walk. there's quite a lot of things to see and i never go to bugis except to masjid sultan for bahas last yr, taman warisan for rehearsal, and when my dad brought us out to eat at some restaurant. then took bus all the way to woodlands and then went to library. read up for rs. then buka otw home. brought some kurma. took a leaf out of feena's book.
omg... i love the song almost here by delta goodrem and brian mcfadden. it's oober nice.. and the music video is really touching. i'm like awwwww!!!! and the life concert was really sweet. [watch it on youtube ppl...] delta goodrem is really pretty. she has a nice smile. and she play the piano like oober well.. i'm jealous. haha..
The lyrics:
Did I hear you right
'cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you
*
Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?
*
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause you're only almost here
*
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me
*
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you
*
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause you're only almost here
*
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you
*
But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you you're almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here
If you're smart enough, you should know that the pink is the lady's part. The red is the man's part and the orange is sung together.
Mungkin rahmat hari pertama dalam bulan puasa, ku temui kau kembali setelah lama kau menghilangkan diri. Dan ku gembira kerana selama ini kau selamat dan bahagia.
Off to do rs...

2007-09-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ok.. i should really be studying right now but before i forget, i need to blog abt smthg that really touched me. This morning, i had to follow my mum to the market. i was quite grumpy cos i intended to study and tmr sch starts. and the whole sept hols had been taken up my csp camp and aft i got home, my mum asked me to clean up the house. so my days were burnt. yeah..
so i followed my mum to the market. she wanted to buy some stuff for ramadhan. so after she got what she wanted, we went to the coffee shop to get lunch cos she didn't want to cook today cos she wants to clean up the house. so i went to order food for me and my brothers. so while waiting, i was watching the makcik, pakcik and their daughter handling the customers' orders. and i started thinking...
the girl couldn't have been any much older than me. and yet here she is, working. and she wasn't even complaining. and what struck me was how little i had to struggle in my life. mum and dad usually get the neccessary stuff i need in my life. and all i had to do was study hard. i know my family isn't rich ass but we got on by quite well. i don't know how my dad does it and he's pay isn't even above 3k. and per month, for my school, he has to pay quite a lot. and not to mention my brother's school fees and he's not on any scholarship. and what about my younger brother. and he still didn't mind paying for our music classes. and then there comes the bills and he has to pay for the house. and we have handphones. and food and whatever necessities. and i guess i really have been taking things for granted.
and the girl, she helped her parents without any complains. and i was watching her. and it made me sympathize with myself, how little i know and have experienced. and she looked so much matured in terms of what she's been through. and i thought i got it bad cos in order to get what i want, i had to save up for it.
but what struck me most was how they worked together in the stall. mother, father and daughter. and neither was complaining. and it showed their bondness and it struck me how little my family has of that. and in my family, books have been the substitution. and knowing my mum, we all had that mindset that only good grades would satisfy her. never know what to get my parents for their birthday because they have never asked for anything and yeah i know how little i know them. and i've always hoped and worked hard that my gpa would be good enough to be my mum's present. since her birthday is in november and that would be time i get my EOY resuts.
i guess what i've seen today was an inspiration to me and i should start working and studying hard now.
and i'm missing csp very very very much. reading hafiz's blog, i realise how little justice had i given this experience cos my entry abt csp was really short. but whatever experience, i just can't say it, not knowing how to express the gratitude of having the opportunity to go through it and i can only say my heart cherish every moment and my head has been playing through all the fun times we had together.
and i'm missing the kids. wondering what they're all doing now. and it's really sad. we were strangers, and then became a family and now we all have to move on with our separate lives. and i am missing the facilliators too. and yeah esp wisnuh and fidz cos we worked together during the camp as orange's facist. and yeah feena... we get to see each other quite often so it's ok. can't wait for the next ymc meeting. oh.. and thank you fidz for finding my ring. love you for that.

CSP!!!

2007-09-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

wooh!!! CSP was oober teramat lah fun... i wouldn't mind it to stretch over the whole week. but then dearest exco would die of overwork. but i love the exco anyway cos they made what seemed impossible to an unforgettable experience.
k.. let's start from behind behind the scenes. i felt bad la cos didn't really helped out. was waiting for someone to go 'rasyidah can u help do this for us?' but then nothing of that sort happened. but i guess i shld have taken the initiative.
k there was a meeting on sat but didn't go cos had madrasah.
then on last mon there was a meeting. it was ok.. helped out with the goodie bags.. and went through over the finalised roles and responsibilities. wisnuh didn't even know who i was.. -__-". and hafidz cleared his head for me. thank you.
k then like finally... saw nas. like really see his face and not sideview. was getting tired of the girls talking abt ppl i dunno.
then oh yea... that night i almost got a grounding. but yea i turned to a good girl and started sweeping and mopping the whole goddamn house. i wanna move out. the house is too big. then did the dishes. and slept at like 12 or slightly earlier. i was still unpack.
then in the morning i was chiong-ing dumping stuff in my bag. then went out of the house. met miza and nas and feena and siti at wdlnds where we took the cab. and siti and i took a cab. the other 3 took another cab. and dunno how come but we reached faster than them though they left first.
so first day... we got to our groups and we were orange!!!! our group members were farhan, fathimah [it's very weird to call her name cos that's my mum's name too], syafiqah and sufi. then we had icebreakers but there wasn't much to say cos we were feeling pretty awkward. the kids had breakfast. then had amazing race. that was nice. and we really bonded. and after that we were really opening up and being totally crazy. haha.. but it was really cool. and then fidz asked if he could join our grp. and feena joined our grp too. and thanks to the both of them our grp became more crazy then ever.
we had concert prep which was pretty gd cos the kids came to an agreement pretty fast. and wisnuh and esp fidz can come up with the weirdest things ever.
had more icebreakers... like watermelon song. oh and rahman and aqid also came up with the weirdest things ever.. and shakir-ah was being totally amusing. after they left after the 2nd day, the camp was suddenly more quiet. haha
then 2nd day the kids came late again so grp facist and stations masters played true or dare. had treasure hunt. it was cool.. a lot easier cos this time it was held in the campsite. amazing race was in the sembawang park. then more concert prep... and then WATER BOMB!! a lot of guys were aiming for feena.. haha.. fidz kesian seh.. kena teruk cos he was protecting our structure. and exco ppl got hit bad too. farhan was being like totally crazy running here and there chasing ppl. fidz and i was laughing super a lot. farhan is just so amusing. and then we had campfire/concert/ prize giving. and grp orange won 1st place!!! woots!!! and the performances were really cute. and ama and hanis rocked! and the guys were pretty good with their performance. station masters' was really cute.. took videos and pics using nas' phone. i love nas for his phone and charger. haha
then at night we had bbq.. and then we told ghost stories.. and had night solo walk to the sembawang beach. it was pretty nice. gave time to think abt things. and there were times i get that apprehensive feeling but other than that it was ok. of course i didn't take my eyes of the road. and we went back at abt 1am or so.. and then the guys attempted prank but it didn't work. haha.. then the girls got hungry and we started eating leftovers. and then feena, siti, firdaus, nas were just hanging out and i joined them and haziq joined us. wonder why they call him vicky. and we were being super random and playing true or dare. and the guys were playing with lighters. and abang sat and the vs guys were fooling ard doing stunts. was pretty cool. then abang akmal asked us to go sleep alr.. it was almost 4 i think
then on the 3rd day, cleared up the campsite. was cleaning the toilet w miza. we cleaned it twice. and scrubbed the floor ok.. then went to the beach... it was lovely.. played by the sea w siti, firdaus, sufyan. then nas and feena came but didnt joined us. they just sat there. like so emo. ooh.. nas is so funny.. he's so straight forward.. feena and him were just sitting when the 4 of us were playing at the beach. when we got up to leave, the both of us noticed that feena's jeans had brown stains at her butt. i didn't say anything but started laughing. and then nas was just so casual and said 'it's brown'. and we all laughed. and he mimicked feena so well, how she threw her hand over her shoulders. that was very amusing. and he's quite cute la.. he helped me carry my bag cos i was carrying feena's which was damn heavy. and he was hugging his bag saying how he liked it so much. wth.. it's the RI rugby bag.. and there's the school crest. so when he carried my bag, he terhugged it. and firdaus, nas and i were laughing away. and he's such a joker..
nas, sufyan, firdaus, feena, siti, miza and me went to eat at kfc and abang eman belanja-ed us. yay! and i haven't eaten since then except for snacks. then went home and met alimi at wdlnds mrt station.
orange cheer:
everywhere we go
people wanna know
who we are
where we come from
so we tell them
we are from orange
juicy juicy orange
[and fidz added]
squishy squishy orange
wobblywobbly orange
O
R
A
N
G
E
what does it spell?
ORANGE
sufi: give me an 'O'
the rest: O
sufi: give me a 'range'
the rest: RANGE
o-o-o range
o-o-o range
o-o-o range!

2007-09-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

POP turned out ok. GOH was quite good. Congrats to yearmates and juniors who got promoted. Yesterday was very tiring. Woke up at 3 am to iron my uniform. Ooh.. i think the guard belt and the gloves are cool. Then after POP, had photo taking w the ma'ams.
Then, went for english class. I was so sleepy i didn't really concentrate in class. All the while to english class, i just slack and travel slowly to the place. Ate at macs and juz stone at macs to pass the time. Wanted to go NLB but then it rained and i had to wait for it to stop since i didn't bring my umbrella (was wearing white) so by the time it stopped raining, i had to rush for english class.
How do i breathe by mario is such a nice song.

2007-08-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

so english lesson was nice... we learnt how to answer argumentative essays. i thought that it was going to be boring but it wasn't. yeah she went throught whatever tips there is but she actually applied the tips to several essay questions to let us see how it works. and argumentative essay questions are usually those questions about society or life or philosophical things. [we did a level questions] so we talked about some points we might use if we were to write those essays and since the stuff is all about those big concept things about society etc.etc. so we ended up discussing again abt those moral issues. things about the society and globalised issues which is just amazing. i like the teacher. she's just so patient with us even though we were dumbass on those general knowledge issues. that happens when you don't read newspapers.
lalala... campus superstar... jiayou zhengning.. erm.. did i spell it right? oops.. o.O anyways... jiayou.. raffles will be behind you. oh god.. that shawn guy is cute and i like his dress sense XD
i'm simply crapping things up to push down the previous post. i could just delete it but not acknowledging what happened will be very shameful of me but right now i just don't want to read it.
oh fcuk... things are so screwed up now. i hope history sa will turn out ok. i used only 1 page.. both sides but i saw others' scripts as the teacher was going aroung collecting the papers and they used 2 papers. how long can they write man... so i got nervous. and i seriously hope that history sa won't screw up like geog and bio. i failed bio main paper by 2 marks. i'm dead shit. and geog was very disappointing though i didn't fail. was hoping to get at least a 3.2 but it's like 2 point smthg...
and physics quiz was alright but being an idiot as i sometimes can be, i conviniently forgot to bring a ruler. and the teacher is going to measure the length of the arrows we were suppose to draw to make sure of its accuracy. and i estimated the length all the while. i used my ezlink card to draw the lines. fcuking smart.
let's see what else screwed up.. french test. oh shitz... i slept for 20 mins. but that didn't really affect. cos they always give too much time to answer the paper. and even if you have enough time or more, and if you can't understand what the fcuk they're asking for, nothing's going to help cos you just can't answer if you don't understand. so that's what happened. hardcore memorising of the grammar isn't going to help if at the end of the day, you can't understand 1/2 of the passage and some of the instructions. but i'm quite prepared to flunk french. i can't understand how i got a 2.8 last year. wait is 65% a gpa of 2.8? i don't know. whatever.
this all happens such convinient a time. when i decided to take triple science and geog, i failed my bio and flunk me geog. o la la... haiz... there's term 4 to catch up with things. and i guess i can tolerate ms r a little better now. i actually listen to her in class. and hope physics will be ok. urgh... maths... shall try to catch up.. i guess now it's ok. no more graphs and trigo for this term. yay... the depressing joy of it all. shall try to be optimistic no matter what happens.
GAHHH!!! i don't have anymore batteries for my mp3. it's been a few days but now it's really taking a toll on me. shall bug my dad for batteries. oh shit i still haven't gotten his present. bleargh.. oh and rs!!! urgh.... shitz
and we didn't play badminton. so i couldn't vent my frustration on the poor innocent clueless shuttlecock. so the frustration is still in me. and there's no music to lift this load for a moment.

2007-08-24T06:06:00.001-07:00

it was neither our fault...
but it was still a mistake on my part...
i should have never been this weak...
but i just can't stop feeling this way...
and i can't help how it overwhelmes me...
drowning me whole...
and i'm just so sorry for the times we spent together...
for the things you did for me...
for the times you made me smile...
for the things i did for you...
for the times i made you smile...
for the t hings we shared...
for the things we had together...
and you didn't know but you hurt me...
it's not him but you...
and now i really should try to let you go...
i didn't mean for a lot of things to happen...
and i wish i hadn't met you...
and i wish i hadn't gotten to know you...
but wishing ain't gonna help anything...
just leave...
i'm too weak to run anymore...

2007-08-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

happy birthday dad...
shall go shopping on sat or sun and get my dad his belated present.
reading my previous blog posts i realise how serious i sound.
and that is not good.
why the hell am i typing my post this way?
i don't know i don't care i just wanna let it go
i'm happy to have siti, firdaus, and feena to be there for me to listen to my problems.
sometimes i feel like a pain in the ass and i feel so guilty that they have to listen to my problems.
but i shall try to be there for them too.
and whoever else who needs a listening ear too.
lalala... french tests sucks...
can't believe i fell asleep during the test.
fcuking smart right... slept at almost 1 ytd.
might not b as late as some ppl but unlike sme ppl i can't go on like that for 3 whole weeks.
and mostly i'm up thinking abt things.
things.... haha.. my problems and her problems and her problems too..
shall look forward to tmrw.. gg out to play badminton where i shall have the pleasure of smashing the shuttlecock and letting it all out on that poor innocent shuttlecock.
then there's madrasah and tuition.
i find madrasah such a nuisance nowadays..
cos lessons are repeated over the years.
we dont really learn anything new.
and i have 2 more yrs to complete.
lucky my mum dnt want me to continue to belia.
shall look forward to english tuition.
and there's campus superstar so i shall watch [at home] and support our schmate..
cant be at sch cos my mum wont allow.
bleargh... im at the pt of being trashed again by my mum...
she told me she didn't trust me, not directly but whenever she's being sarcastic you can just tell what she really means so she might as well point blank say she dont trust me cos it just saves her breath from forming long sentences cos in the end she would still mean that she don't trust me, [wow...] and now that i keep on going out for one thing or another and disagreeing what she says, cos sometimes what she says is just point blank crap, maybe she'll tell me she's gonna disown me next time
my life is so 'great'

2007-08-23T05:24:00.000-07:00

K.. this is so long time ago.. but my brother's school had this homestay programme where some indonesian students came over to singapore. and 2 of them slept over my place for two nights. it was fun. we talked a bit. and they are 16.
Then our class hosted 4 vietnamese students. they were really friendly ppl. we taught them the mambo and they taught us a vietnamese song but i can't remember the whole song tho it's only 4 lines.
so last sun... yeah had an outing. it didn't turned out the way i thought it would. it was meant to be so much fun and all. and we meant to surprise the guys by saying that siti won't b coming and then she would suddenly crash us in the middle of smthg and it was suppose to b a nice nice surprise. but the whole thing went wrong. we didn't even carried out the surprise plan cos fird's friend was coming. some dude i don't even know was coming and fird was the one who said he wanted it to be just the 4 of us. i didn't mind him coming but then the surprise plan had to be canceled cos it won't be nice that he wouldn't know what would be so great about the surprise. and siti and i initially planned to belanja fird and khai. oklah... fird kan bdae boy but then if we didn't belanja khai then it would be a bit weird cos it's like erm... it's like we're putting him aside. dunno if that makes sense. and in the end we end up treating all 3 of them. and we're totally forgot that it was a weekend so tix price will be higher. and fird's present was 40 bucks. we splurge like bloody hell a lot. and the thing is, all the treating was expected. it was quite pissifying and throughout the whole outing, it wasn't even like an outing. it was like girls and guys. the guys (being ungentlemanly) just walked on ahead of siti and i. bet they didn't even know we were quite pissed and purposely slacking behind and letting them walk on. i doubt they even care. in the end it was just watching movie, getting fird his present and done cos he had to leave to meet his parents for his birthday celebration or smthg. it wasn't a fun outing. the whole spoiler was that they didn't appreciate but expected the belanja-ing and everything. it's just not nice. i know it's once in a while to get to treat fird and the guys but at least they should be thankful and don't go expecting. unlike some ppl, siti and i are not filthy rich ppl. then went home with siti and khai. took train and alighted at city hall and then took bus with khai. saw alif from sleeq. love his blue jacket.
my mum got pissed w me cos she had to kluar to give me my piano stuff cos i didnt bring along my things and i know i wont be able to reach home on time to get my stuff and go out for piano lesson. so my mum had to meet me at causeway to give me my stuff. but i guess she was in a forgiving mood cos she actually got bubbletea for the family.
the monday we went to watch rugby, acsi against sa. it was the first rugby match i watched. i could follow up a bit i guess. mainly thanks to the acsi parents who were screaming throughout the whole game. suddenly they were like 'go tackle!' 'hit him hard!' 'push!' n suddenly...... 'FOUL!' like what the hell. thanks for the commentary but it would help without the extra shouting. enthusiasm is good but overdose is quite bad. and the funny thing is the dads came in their business shirts, with the collar and neatly ironed pants and those shiny black shoes. it's like so professional and them screaming is a bit out of proportion. and acsi won. they won by 3 pts. it wasn't that bad unlike when ri got trashed by them. it was quite sad that the sa players were so upset abt it. some were crying. saw jay and he looked really down. but they shld know they did a great job and being 2nd isn't a bad thing. then saw khai, hazly, omar and their friend who also went to the outing in the crowd. khai called me to tell me that he saw me. and he could tell it was feena next to me. i wonder how he knew it was us. he had to squint to see the bus no and on that day he was standing on the track while feena and i and lena were on the stands. it was pretty far. siti and diy sat at the front row. feena, lena and i were sitting somewhere in the middle. yeah so that's abt it.
then today had to go for a gallery at ri. it was pretty boring. it was just gg over to look and complete a ws. then aft had siti and feena wanted to eat at kfc so i just followed. and firdaus came along. then firdaus and i sent feena to her hme. firdaus took cab home. and i walked hme. saw fitri. i was like phew! that was close...
k that's abt it

english lesson :)

2007-08-18T06:21:00.000-07:00

Had english class today. It was damn cool. We talked about Singapore culture and all sorts of topics came up. Stuff like elitism and prejudice and marginalization and all sorts of big things. It was quite diffficult to digest but it was still fun to talk about and i just realised the full shittiness of being stuck in rgs. We also analyzed some articles and from cross reference them and make some inferences and came up with topic discussions and theories. The theories might not necessarily be true but it's just what we think and also base on what we read from the articles given. And we also came to an agreement why Singapore is having a struggle to breed entreprenuers and inventors and innovators and those kind of stuff. We also came to the same mind on choosing what is safe and choosing what is right.
I'm quite tired right now. From madrasah i went straight to english class. Forget to bring some clothes to change into so i went there in my madrasah uniform. Then as i walk back to city hall mrt station after english class, i met some of the S.A. guys. Fird, Jay, Hazly, Izz and some of their friends. Fird said they were gonna watch fireworks. Haha... It's either central is their favourite hang out or they just love fireworks. It's such a conincidence that i met them and i'm meeting fird tmr. Haha.. gtg now to watch movie w my brothers and my dad.
Shall try to stay awake till 12 to sms fird happy birthday.
You left me and you blame me for the distance.
quote from bring it on all or nothing:
'you're just too much of a backstaber to have a friend'
something liddat

Recall

2007-08-09T17:54:00.000-07:00

Friday
GOH training..
Angklung performance... that was damn nice. And sorry but I think the indonesians were a lot better. and the indon girl can sing really well. Shit. I left my activity card in class.
Rehearsal at BBECC.. Something about dancing for the prologue but then got moved to centrepiece and then the guys' dance was scrapped. What a wasted. We practised so much and it ends up as the guys not dancing. But they were going to do drama so I guess it's better to focus on one thing.
Saturday
8.30 at taman warisan.. had practice (over and over and over with countless changes of steps) until about 1.30. Saw the guys' drama. It was damn hilarious. Abang Mahathir is such a joker. and Khai pass as a gay. haha..
Bahas... Raffles won! Maju Raffles! But Akademik Temasik Maktab Rendah Temasik was also good but I guess could have been more fluent. Met Bob.
And then we went back to taman warisan. Practice until 9 or so. Met Hidayat and other ppl during prac. Balik ngan Khai and Hazly and Jay and Miza till City Hall. Guys went to esplanade and miza took the green line train. I took the red line train.
Sunday-Monday
Nothing much... School days... Go to school. Come home from school do homework...
Tuesday
Went to NUS Yusof Ishak House to meet Khai. Khai and Firdauz had dikir prac there. It was damn nice.. haha... had preview of their performance <3 dikir cos it's just cool. Settled the tickets with Khai and Abang Kamal (he has brown eyes... that's nice) and Kak Shamiah. Oh and Siti followed but end up sitting outside the room.. apalah... So siti and I took bus till Clementi MRT station then I took train home. Siti took bus. Khai teman Fird balik until SA then take bus home. Fird from SA took a different bus home.
Malam had conference call with Khai, Fird and Hazly. I kept quiet and laughed most of the time. Just let the guys talk and they practiced their drama over the phone.
Wednesday
Had to reach school by 6.50 but we reached at 7. Changed into costumes and put on light make up just to look old. Then the performance itself. Yeah... we won! The rest of the celebration was super boring until the singing part where our 2 campus superstars lead the school. Then... RAFFLES' CHEER!!!
Then went to Victoria Theatre Hall. We reached the bus stop at about 10.15. 4 190s went pass cos they were full so no one could board them. In the end we took a 105 to the next stop which was outside Far East and wait for a 190 to come cos some people might alight at Far East so there might be space to board even though it might be full when it passed the school. So in the end, we reached Victoria Theatre Hall at 11.30. met Khai and Fird at the statue of Stamford Raffles. Stupid... if the bus hadn't gave us problem, we could have reached there by 10.45 or so.. Then miza and I change into our costumes just to try out cos we hadn't seen the costumes before. Had prac and I finalised the percussion thingy for our dance with some abang. Had lunch with the guys. Then see the rest of the people i.e. the drama people and the competitors practiced. (I got so sleepy. I slept for a while in the seats. I was hugging Khai's costume (he took them off before going up onstage). The material was so lembut. So contrasting to our costume. It was like damn itchy in our costumes.) Miza went out to buy a tube cos our costume was quite low cut. At about 2pm, the rest of the girls came and we prac and prac until 5. The girls insisted on puting make up then. Miza and I were just like 'whatever y'all want lah...' cos the both of us are clueless in this make up and hair prep before the performance. It took bloody long just to do the hair lah.. in the end we took 3 hours for everyone to get ready. Since our part comes only in the middle of the performace, we could come down later. I helped by putting foundation and powder on Jay, powder and blush on Khai, powder on Omar and hidayat. So we missed the intro to the Pentas Budaya. When our part came, we did the dance. It went well. I couldn't see many people cos it was dark (except the stage) so it wasn't that scary. Then we just waited at backstage until the finale where we were supposed to excort the VIP which was Hawaizi Daipi up on stage and back to his seat. Oh and I saw the recording of Pentas Budaya. I didn't know they were recording it backstage. Saw the dikir people did their thing.
During the prac and the thing itself, people were having leg cramps. Khai had leg cramp. He couldn't walk properly onstage. Miza's ankle was like hurting again. Diy also had cramp (onstage and offstage). Fird stepped on my foot and I yanked my foot from under his foot and I accidently stretched my foot muscle (dunno the real name of the muscle part. it's just somewhere on the foot) which was like OW!!!. It was the part that got squashed under the badminton stand.
Then came the finale (it was so fast... i was like huh? finishing already?) and we excorted Hawaizi Daipi onstage where he gave out the awards to the winning teams and then we excorted him down again. And then it was done. Like that. It was quite heartbreaking cos after that we had to say our goodbyes.
Then the girls went off.. I stayed for the celebration after that. Had some food and cake. Took some pictures of the people. i didn't take any pictures of the girls cos there wasn't enough time. we were rushing to finish our hair and make up and after that had to rush to change out cos they were closing the dressing rooms.
Then went home with Hazly and Khai. Oh and I got flowers. A yellow one from this abang who also performed for dikir, a pink one from Siti (she look chio man..) and a blue one from Khai. Then Khai and I took taxi cos we missed the last bus. I feel so guilty. He planned to sent me straight to woodlands after he alighted at BP to get some money from his mum for the taxi fare. but i saw the 960 bus. so i alighted at bp and took 960 all the way to woodlands. i'm going to pay khai back for the taxi fare even though he asked me to forget about it. So i went home and showered. took 20 minutes to get the make up off tho i didn't have a make up remover. just washed my face countless of times. and then i slept.

2007-08-04T21:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know how else to say this. I know I have a lot of flaws. I hate myself for those flaws and the shit thing is that I can't control myself. I guess this is the after effect of always keeping things to myself. I don't know what's the matter with me. There's not really a someone I can talk to. It's a sad thing but it's something that I have to come to terms with. Even if there's something that I need to talk about, there's no one I feel comfortable talking to. And if there is someone I wanna talk to, wanna talk with, well... that someone is always too busy to give a damn (yes.. you). And of course I have to shut up so as not to disturb that person (you). So, keeping things/feelings etc to myself kinda make me erm... isolated? I hate myself for having those breakdowns and times where i just blow my top. But you have to understand that i only blow when it comes to my breaking point. So please, don't label me as someone who's sensitive or emotionally unstable etc and whatever nonsense it is that you call me. So that's one flaw that I have. And if you don't like me for it, well i don't know what else to do/say. But if would really want to befriend me, you'll have to accept me as I am along with my flaws and mistakes, help me overcome them.
I know and I agree it was a mistake on my part. But you refusing to accept my apology, don't you think it was a bit too extreme? Please, cut some slack on me. It's not like you don't have your flaws. And talking about you, you have a goddamn a lot of flaws. So, if you can't accept me, can't forgive me well... I can't do anything. I don't want to force my company on someone who doesn't want me to be there. But I know I won't cry if you decide to leave because by now, I should be used to having been alone, having been left behind so many times that I'm so shit about it, having cried so many times and you still damn too clueless to know it's been you who made me cry.
And just so you know, there's a great difference in emo and thinking deep. I don't emo. I just think too much, worry too much. Quiet doesn't mean emo.
And just note that you are not that innocent either. I know you talk behind my back. I'm guilty of it too but I decided long time ago to stop caring whatever happens and get on with my life and studies.
So that's there. I shall assume that everything is bloody well even though my heart is tearing so loudly i can hear it. So, whenever and i repeat whenever anyone has a problem and needs someone to talk to, i'd be there to listen. I shall be the listening friend. It's the least thing I can do. Since there's no one to listen to me, I don't want another person to end up like me.

i'm such a worrytad

2007-08-01T05:17:00.000-07:00

Rehearal yesterday was a bit wasted cos all of us were really there only at 7 and we prac only twice or so... and miza and I saw khai and fird practiced dikir with the abangs. it was cool. abang idil is in dikir too. no wonder the moves are all hip-hopish. abang idil is cool! haha.. he's such an awesome dancer. i kinda forgot he's a student there too. haha.. Miza and I got almost all their steps already. yeah us! we were attempting to do it in school but we forgot the front part. so it's almost got it right. :D Dikir is cool. <33 dikir cos it's just cool.
I just realised that khai and fird will be performing all 3 items. o.O tarian, dikir AND drama... what the shitz. i wanna do dikir too ya know.. ok ok whatever..
So I had a breakdown yesterday. :/ it just had to be in nus in front of them. Siti was telling me not to let it affect my dancing. Don't bring all my problems there. That was exactly my point when i hid in the toilet twice.
So to list all the things i worry about:
1) ________________________________
the root of the problem, where it all started out with.. haiz... then it got super complicated. it's a like a tree. once u've got the root it grows and branches out.
2) ________________________________
personal. house not home.
3) my health. funny cos stressing isn't healthy either.
4) school is killing us all..
5) my brothers... 1 has to go through an operation. i know it's supposedly not suppose to be serious but i hate seeing him in the hospital again. the last time he was hospitalised for almost a month, the doctors kept on drawing blood from him every 2 days. they poke the long needle through the back of his hand and he cried everytime. that was about 3 years ago.
and my other brother.. i'm worry about his well being. he's stressed with his commitments like soccer and all those leadership stuff. he's not doing so well in his studies and my mum is pressurising him. she's pressurising all 3 of us. come on dude.. make it to university. be an inspiration for me when i get to RJC like how u you inspired be to do well for PSLE so that i can get into anderson but i overshot and got into RGS. idiot.
and yeah... i know she's not me...
Next rehearsal is on friday. then saturday is the full dress. time flies. i wanna go back to admps next wednesday but i have a strong feeling they wanna have rehearsals again. not that i don't love going for rehearsals but i do have to go back to where i belong now and then.

CIP @ RI

2007-07-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

RI is damn nice!!! Yes, Raffles Institution... The field is really really cool... :) The buildings are so nice too... The place is so home-like.. It felt like that.. maybe cos the architecture of the buildings make the school look majestic but the spacing between the buildings seem to make it look friendlier cos it's not so crammed up.. So it's a nice combination..
CIP was fun!!! I was in group hijau! Yeah!! Sara, Insyirah, Rafhanah, Sarah (from RGS.. duh! :D) and Said, Fitri, Rifqi and Hafeez (from RI.. even more duh!) was also in kumpulan hijau.. The guys are cool.. really sporting and friendly with the kids... kesian seh diorang.. the kids kept on asking for piggy back rides.. so the guys were carrying the little kiddies on the back as we move around in RI from one place to another.
We had station games first. So we went to the different stations to play.. there's gasing station, dikir, tarian, drama, permainan kampung, sepak takraw.. so the kids and facilitators (us!) are suppose to learn how to do the things at the diff staions and get points based on our performance.. the kids were really enthu and so are we! the guys not so.. but i guess they got warmed up after giving the kids piggy back rides.. haha!
The we had this race thing.. facilitators couldn't join.. but it was so fun to see the kids play.. and we were shouting encouragements all the while.. there was different stations for the race where at each station they had to do something.. at the start, they had to spin around 10 times (we played after lunch.. wOah.. and the kids survived) then at the next station they had to do ketuk ketampi then do duck walk to the next station where they had to jump rope.. and run to the last station where they were suppose to take an item.. when everyone has gone through the whole thing, we had to dress up someone with the items we got which was stuff like paperplates, plastic bag, some cone shape things, newspaper, tape.. so we dressed up huzaimy.. he look damn cute! and there was this apollo box which we put in on his head.. and we all start calling apollo man!
Then we had captain balls game.. we lost only one game.. we were against kumpulan kuning.. what the hell... for the captain balls, the kids play and about 2 facillitators are allowed to play as well... when we were against kumpulan kuning, sarah and i were playing for our team and alimi and ashraf (i dunno how to spell..) was playing for kumpulan kuning.. what the shitz.. alimi is a rugger for god's sake... and so is the other dude i think.. they can throw bloody far sia.. so we lost to their team.. and most unfortunate, Huzaimy got injured cos someone fall on him.. so i attended to him as well as other redcrossers and when kumpulan hijau was worrying abt him, we didn't continue playing so the time just continue running and then ama said over the microphone 'the game will end in 5,4,3,2,1!' and we just lost.. 1, 0.. but we won the rest of the games.. thanks to fitri... he's damn tall.. he just stood in front of the captain and he blocked the person completely.. we couldn't even see the person behind him.
then we had a 3 legged race.. that was damn screwed up... sry to alimi who organized it.. but it was messy.. unclear instructions.. and lack of ropes.. but we improvised or rather alimi improvised and we managed to play it real well... i'm a bit confused lah.. alimi is suppose to be a facist for kumpulan kuning and he was also the station master for both drama and 3 legged race.. dude... thought you were suppose to just stick to kumpulan kuning? i mean yeah you were there during captain's ball to play for your team... and i'm a bit confused with my grp too... more RI dudes suddenly join our team... i'm like were you guys suppose to be here in the first place?
in the end, we got 2nd place for overall!! yeah... and whateverlah... kumpulan kuning got 1st place... haha.. but the main thing is that we all had fun! and i gained more contacts.. yeah with some RI dudes.. just those in kumpulan hijau... duh...
omg.. Said is such an abang like person... he was like 'jangan lari! baik-baik kereta!' he was so patient sia... unlike me..i felt so bad.. i split up the kiddies because they were not paying attention during drama cos they were talking... and i kinda scolded 2 of them cos they wouldn't stand still... oops.. i shall try to be like Said... and be more patient..
Said is a prefect... jaw drops.. haha.. but it was quite obvious... he's so like budak baik.. he's GPA last year was 3.5+... what the shitz.. and he's the eldest and he has 3 younger siblings... no wonder he's so brotherly to the kids and even to us.. his youngest sibling is only 8 years old... he's very lembut also... as in the way he talks and everything.. he's a tracker... expected him to be a rugger.. he told me he shld be in rugby but he put track as his first choice and now he's a jumper. and he's a nice dude.. he was offering sits to us girls.. he knows how to talk lah... with the kids.. and he's quite good looking too.. cute.. haha... and he wanna be a pilot, 2nd choice is a sociologist (like me!).. and rifqi kept on irritating sarah.. haha.. they're cousins.. they look damn cute lah... they were squabbling.. then the kids keep on irritating sarah too cos they sided with rifqi.. haha..
CIP was fun. can't believe i'm saying this.. yeah and did i mention RI is seriously a nice place? let's be a guy and study in RI.. haha... the school quite slack.. like they can use their hp and mp3 anywhere in school.. like anywhere.. cool... Said was like saying how he finds RGS very strict and thinks that it's unneccesary.. haha.. he's a prefect but he doesn't book people.. and prefects in their school wear black shoes... i think something like S.A....
so that's basically what happened ytd.. oh and i went to macdonalds with dewi and sara.. i just ate strawberry sundae... i find it always cheer me up :) cos i was a bit down that i had to leave RI cos the place is like awesome! Oh.. and while we had our CIP, there was a football match btwn RJ and VJ.. would have watch it but we had to be facist so yeah... yeah RI is awesome.. not the people in it.. haha... i guess some are ok.. and some of the dudes look so mat. they don't really have that intellectual guai look on their faces.. haha
while in mac, people keep on knocking my head.. :/ and i was clumsy on the way home.. i missed a step, swung on the handle in the train, knocked the metal pole... oh god.. and dewi and sara laughed at me :/

thursday

2007-07-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

Biology test was seriously shit... I don't think I'll fail but I'll get borderline marks or something... At least I studied... didn't have enough time to check and i was quite panicky.. let bygones be bygones maths is finally taking a break... phew... and and i manage to get my graphs right... and trigonometry is doing well for me... i think
so yesterday had rehearsal... at my house... it was damn cram lah... 10 people... what the hell.. there was enough space cos we spread to both halls but when we had a combined prac... oh god... we're all so cram inside hall no.2.
the prac was supposed to start at 5 but in the end, we start at 6.15 or so... the girls went to my place first cos siti knows the way so yeah... and hamizah, hazly, khai and me waited for fird and omar cos they were late... at least they come.. what the hell.. all the way from tampines..
so at my place we basically synchro and the guys had trouble with posture especially khai whom siti and miza commented that his butt was jutting out and omar is too tall that he looked weird when he bent down. quote from fird 'khai macam beruk'. haha... shan't be mean..
then we rehearsed till abt 8 or so and we had dinner... my mum was nice enough to cook... omg.. for 10 ppl (10 is excluding me).. it was simple but nice.. and feena shld stop her dieting nonsense.. she's already so thin.. diy and lena had to feed feena cos she wouldn't eat... and the rest finished the meal.. it was wet fried noodles.. i hope they liked it.. would have cooked for them if my mum hadn't already volunteered to cook.. i was suppose to do it but whateverlah.. yeah.. made them drinks... let's see what else happened.. actually i wouldn't know cos i was in the kitchen washing up the plates and cups and forks while khai finished my noodles.. he was hungry so i just gave him my portion which miza said he didn't finish and in the end, miza finished it i think.. i didn't eat the whole of thursday.. actually i did but it wasn't proper meals.. i just took some food from friends during recess and had a light snack (banana pancakes..) in the afternoon but i didn't really eat the whole day..
then solat.. then the guys wanted to jam.. by the time we finished dinner my dad and brother came home already.. so fird and khai played the guitar and my brother played the drums.. but it wasn't synchro.. bayangan gurauan.. jiwang seh.. haha.. yeah it's a nice song.. then after my brother went ngaji.. stupid.. i had to treat him $2.. i intended to save money to buy some albums.. can't ask my dad for money already.. okok so then, we asked fird and khai to demo what they do for NUS dikir.. omg... it's damn cute lah... we all wanna join NUS dikir but the problem is the rehearsal dates... if it's a saturday then i'm bloody shit.. damn it.. shld have changed my madrasah day to sunday.. stupid sia.. and omg.. khai and fird has nice voice...!!! haha.. miza, feena and i has been attempting to do dikir in class.. and feena hasn't gone beyond the stage of clapping.. shld pester cikgu to have dikir next year.. yeah we shld seriously pester cikgu abt it.. it's stupid that dikir is canceled to make way for penerbitan.. penerbitan is like dead now... there's no point carrying on with it
then at about 9 or so, the guys and girls left and i was suppose to walk them to causeway pt. as we were reaching causeway pt, i got triggered by cigarette smoke and they were worried cos my breathing was hard and irregular so in the end, siti sent me home.. the rest had to go off already.. what the hell.. i was suppose to see them off.. it was damn scary the way they reacted.. especially siti and fird...
at first, they told me that they can just carry on from there after my breathing went back to almost normal so i shld go home and sms them when i'm home.. so i said ok and watch them cross the road and walk towards causeway pt. and then i started coughing again and i leaned against a tree and they all saw and ran back.. someone was shouting my name.. i'm a bit -_-" i'm seriously more concerned abt them worrying abt me then my own health at that pt of time cos i seriously didn't wanna trouble them.. then fird, khai and siti debated abt someone sending me home. the rest just go home first. so in the end siti sent me home.. fird had to go off cos he lives in tampines and he had to travel a long way and he had to reach home by a certain time so yeah.. kesian seh.. and khai was shuffling btwn either sending me home or not but in the end he went off with fird. i was really relieved that he didn't send me home cos then it'll be one person less i'm troubling.. i feel so fragile.. what the hell.. so siti send me home and i smsed fird to say that i'm fine when i reached home..
i hope i don't trigger again.. khai and fird was so abang-like to me yesterday and siti is like my 'kakak'.. haha.. shocked me the way they reacted..
reading harry potter book now.. i better finish it tonight cos my brother wants to lend it to his friend tmr..

boring...

2007-07-24T04:43:00.000-07:00

I seriously don't know what to blog about except for rehearsals...
So on sunday, we had another rehearsal... We did quite a lot more and it was difficult for kak faizah to continue cos there was 3 people missing. In the end she was like 'whatever... we just put them somewhere'. We practiced and yeah, the abangs and kakaks were there... embarassing.. And we choreo another 3 sets of 8, got another formation right and just practiced within 2 hours or so...
Then, went to macs again... Feena and I wore selendang after the rehearsal. We changed out of our tshirt and long pants.. Feena decided to wear selendang cos she said her hair was in ruin and me cos I usually go out with selendang unless i'm going to somewhere where selendang will be a hazard like outdoor activities etc. The guys were kinda shock cos it was the first time they saw us in selendang... So went to macs. Fird, Feena and Lena got balloons and Feena and Lena started corrupting their minds. Miza ate with us but left earlier to meet her friend. And Fird and Omar went home by bus then train i think. Feena, Lena, Khai and I went back by 963. But Khai and I alighted first cos I wanted to go to masjid to solat maghrib or I'll miss it cos after that I have piano lesson and there isn't time for me to go home... I don't even wanna go home... Except for my room, my home is more like a house...
Then Khai and I walked to masjid al-Iman. I thought he left already cos I didn't see him after I finished solat. So, I left masjid first. Then Khai serbu me from behind. Apparently, he waited for me... he solat sekali... and when he didn't see me coming down from dewan perempuan he wanted to sms me... that's when he saw me walking out of the masjid. Then he showed me how to go home but i went for piano lessons and then he went the other way to his home. And he burst Fird's balloon...
Then piano... it was ok... I didn't even practiced... exam is this coming tuesday... yeah... get to skip half of school...
I feel dead now... cos they killed my joy and I can't be bothered to layan anyone now... Waiting for them to get the picture... man they're slow... unless my hints are that not obvious. Hell, i'm tired of waiting... i'll just follow my mum's advice and find something else to fill up my time and loneliness..
the song gallery by mario vazquez is nice.. should listen to it and read the lyrics too...
yesterday, my dad was like 'why are you so happy?' i was like 'huh?' cos i felt neutral... he was like 'usually when you get home, you're always so tired and moody. then now you're like not tired at all'. i guess he's quite right. haha... even my aunt commented that i look so moody and tired. but that day.. adalah.. haha... and today i'm back to my moody and tired self... hope music will revive me. i can't live without my mp3.

Racial Harmony Day, rehearsal, yesterday life science business comp

2007-07-20T05:03:00.001-07:00

Racial Harmony Day today... went to school in kebaya and long pants... i find skirt irritating :) lend Wen Jing my baju punjabi and then reported at the malay booth for permainan tradisional (malay tradisional games).. we were suppose to be in charge of it. we focused on congkak and ketupat making... haha... i can anyam ketupat! :) it was ok... but didn't realise a lot of ppl would be interested in making ketupats... Afiqah, Lena and I were damn exhausted cos we had to teach and reteach a lot of ppl for the ketupat making cos it's quite fiddly to be handling the ribbons and it's not that easy to make... They taught more ppl than me cos I was handling the congkak and they were handling the ketupat making... then more ppl wanted to learn how to make the ketupat so I had to help... and it turns out that most ppl actually already know how to play the congkak so I almost had basically nothing to do... We couldnt participate in other games and activities that were planned for all sec 2s... so sad... Then for the concert, we had a dance competition between some sec 3 classes. Some were ok... but 306 was damn damn nice!!! cos it was cute and it had a storyline which others didn't show in their dance... and 306 won the competition!
Then, this afternoon, we had a rehearsal in our school in the gym... Hamizah and I fetched the SA guys (Firdauz, Hazly and Omar) from the busstop opposite school... They said our school is big... I thought it was pathetic.. oh wells... The rehearsal went ok I guess.. We just practiced what we had cos the instructor couldn't make it... And we manage to teach Hazly and Omar... so yeah!!! And Firdauz was ok... I just adjusted his posture... other than that he's dancing is ok... Erm... yeah the tarian-ers... apalah.. we had it in rgs cos of them then in the end they prac w us only like 3x or so... Was hoping the other SA guys would come, namely Khai, Jay and Izz but Izz backed out and Jay had rugby and Khai was sick so they didn't come... apalah.. if they came, things would be more merrior...
Then there's practice at bb east cc again this sunday... I hope it'll be better than today's training...
Tired and there's maths to kill me tonight... X/
Yesterday, I went to Ngee Ann Poly for a Life Science Business Competition... It was ok as in some of the projects were super interesting like ACSI's P3 or PitcherPlantsPeople... and Chocosteen (chocolate and mangosteen) by SCGS... but I think ACSI's project is more realistic and more convincing cos their reseach basically covers everything so there was super little for the judges to comment and 'thrash' their projects.. like simon cowell in american idol... haha... P3 was very good. their research was detailed and their statistics were convincing and i think what made them stand out was they actually manage to sell their products at 2 different attempts... and their products got sold out and they have more orders coming in for their products... cool right...
So basically this competition is to research about a problem that is categorised under Life Science. then, they have to find a solution for it and turn their solutions into products to be sold... that's why it's Life Science BUSINESS competition...
RGS didn't get in which proves one thing... Raffles might be our school name and as much as we are so called 'the cream of the crop', we're still humans, learning as we go along... so don't expect us to be the best and winning all the time... i dont like the fact that some ppl view us as 'almighty' cos it's not that true... we were suppose to be intellectually smart but that doesn't mean we don't make bloopers... and that doesn't mean we don't lose sometimes...
ok... maths taking over now...

Tuesday's rehearsal, today

2007-07-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

Finally finished my history pt... but it sucks lah... i didn't design it like how my friend detailed the cover to make it look like a torn and tattered journal.. Couldn't be bothered with designing.
We had rehearsal on tueday. I was like 'yes!' ahha... rehearsal has always been so much fun... :) I was down right disappointed when they couldn't get the venue at bb east cc. Luckily abang husni was nice enough to book a space in NUS. But it was seriously so sian have to travel all the way to Clementi from school. Hamizah and I rushed out as soon as the bell rings. Actually we got detained for a while by Cikgu Roziyah but after that we straight away left for rehearsal. I was seriously worried that Abang Husni and Kak Faz are going to get angry that we came late but I thought that at least the guys would be there so it won't be so bad cos then at least Kak Faz can get started with the routine... Turns out that I was the early one... Khai called me and asked if I would want to go there with them. They were still quite far from Clementi and I was at Bukit Batok when he called. And when I've reached Clementi interchange, they were still far... I was quite pissed cos Hamizah and I rushed for nothing... well not really nothing lah... but I expected the guys to be there already since they finished school earlier than us. In the end, I had to wait for them at Clementi interchange. Hamizah meanwhile went to meet a friend at Jurong East first. So I went to meet the guys first.
During the rehearsal, we just perfected what we've learnt so far. We didn't do anything new. Also cos the tarianners would be coming much much later. But I thought we did really well especially the guys. Even Hazly wasn't that bad...
I seriously got quite pissed with the tarianners... Sorrylah... tapi orang dah tunggu berjam masih nak tanya kalau patut datang. Even if we don't really know exactly when the timing was extended to, the least to do is just come asap right... if we were waiting for them, it means that we wanted a rehearsal with them right...? of course we'll make sure they get enough practice too.. takkan nak datang sekejap lepas tu balik... doesn't make sense right... and feena was killing me on the phone saying they wouldn't want to waste their time travelling all the way to clementi if the time is only extended for a short while... girl, i said we'll wait for you. so what does that implies???
While waiting for the tarianners, we basically recap over and over again cos the guys forgot their zapin step. Hamizah and I had to learn the guys' zapin step too and we got it way faster and better than them.. haha! and I taught the guys our lenggang steps. Honestly, they weren't too bad, Khai especially. Maybe cos he had a little bit of tarian background... A bit stiff but they could get the steps right. Haha... what makes me thing they're gonna forget it? Shall be optimistic and say they'll remember it at least until friday...
Then, when the tarianners finally arrived... we (Hamizah and I) taught them the guys' zapin steps and also a new set of choreography that we had come up with and editted by Kak Faz. It was a bit too fast for the tarianners but Kak Faz liked it fast and we all got it in the end. The guys' hip hop steps are damn damn nice... and the song is seriously nice :)
I also baked kuih bantal peluk saloma for the guys... it was for all actually but since the tarianners weren't there yet and abang husni and kak faz were busy with something else... the guys and Miza kebas semua.. haha... glad they liked it :)
So we ended at 8 and we discussed when and where the next practice should be held at until 8.30. I wanted to go to their school but in the end (cos of the tarianner's sake) venue will be at rgs on friday.
Then, the tarianners went home, tumpang kereta diy. Firdauz was using my hp so I couldn't leave yet. Then in the end, I decided to go with them to macs cos I didn't know how to go home. And Miza and Khai were going to macs and they were also taking train home so yeah... i needed them. haha... it was raining quite heavily and we ran through the rain to macs and what do you know... it was closed. So, pissed and tired, we ran all the way back to the bus stop. Belanja Fird air and Khai his bus trip to Clementi mrt station. If I had 60 cents, I could have saved 40 cents cos I gave Khai $1 for the bus trip. But nvm... so we (Khai, Miza and I) went home by MRT. Fird and Hazly took bus.
On the way home, Khai decided to be emo-ish... Haha... But seriously, Khai looked damn emo... He was like folding his hands... looking down... like there's a lot going through his mind... wOah... haha... and he was wearing all black... what impression does that give? seriously emo seh... and we saw his pri sch photo... haha... muka tak sama seh... especially the hair... he look nicer now... his hair in pri sch is too long... tengok punk semacam... haha..
So Khai alighted at Choa Chu Kang. He's like slow... he was on the phone all the way from Bukit Gombak to Choa Chu Kang. He didn't realise we've reached Choa Chu Kang.. All the while as we were reaching Choa Chu Kang, Hamizah and I were waiting to see if he would like put down the phone to say gdbye before alighting or he wouldn't even alight the train. Then, at Choa Chu Kang itself, he put down his phone and just stood there, looking at us. We were like 'Choa Chu Kang...' Khai was like 'ya...' We were giving him a look and he was like 'What?' And rushed out of the train... haha... that was super retarded... But he managed to wave before leaving... haha... then Hamizah and I were laughing all the way to Yew Tee where she alighted and I continued all the way until Woodlands. Then on the bus home from Woodlands mrt station, I met my brother.. when I got home, I switched on the computer and finished and print out my history pt while my brother eat his dinner and talk on the phone. then i ate dinner and took a shower...
And sleep... haiz... maths is depriving me of sleep... i still have maths now but i don't feel like doing it... maybe i should wake up 4 in the morning and do it all the way until 5.15 and then get ready for school...
Omg... I'm so torn between YMC, rehearsal and RedCross... okok... priorities: Rehearsal, YMC, RedCross... and school is taking a toll on all of us...
Hamizah thinks that Khai is crushing on someone... sape eh?
had footdrill accred today... we all passed so yeah for us!!! Only diy hasn't taken her accreds. Today was ok I guess... but I'm so happy I got through today!!! Accreds done... I'm so relieved... then I just have to get through tmrw... then friday RHD!!! no lessons!!! and then rehearsal!!! woots!!! seriously... rehearsal is like the one thing i look forward to this entire wk...
Today, geog was fun... we had to make a model of a river structure... it was nicelah... and before that, i was sleeping during the lesson... apparently i slept for 5 minutes... that's bad... blame maths... i think maths is very nice but when it takes away my sleep, then it becomes a pain in the butt...
Tessa now is our new head prefect... yeah Tessa!!! I voted for her too! :) And Juanmin ma'am is the vice-head :) I voted for her too!! haha... okok... if they can handle responsibilities, so can i...

YMC SEC 1 LAUNCH!!! <333 and rehearsal

2007-07-14T05:11:00.000-07:00

Omg.. I can't believe I almost missed YMC sec 1 launch. It was damn damn damn nice... The 1st part is dry with all the speeches and presentations. But the skit was really funny! Haha... gd job Hafidz, Ziyad, Fawwaz, Wisnuh, Miza, Amalina, Maryam and the crescent girls (oops.. forgot their name). And the interactive session was awesome! Ahha!!! omg... Syakir was so panicky before the interactive session... in the end end he and Faatihah did a really good job hosting the session. Some of the sec 1s are not as enthu but some were a bit too hyper.. ahha... so I guess the crowd is pretty balanced.

And omg... I met my pri sch junior. He's freaking tall!!! Way taller than 2 yrs ago.. Omg... I rmbr him frm my last yr in admiralty. He was a prefect too if I'm not wrong. And he's so cute!!! Ahha... omg.. I miss pri sch days... And he's in Evergreen sec. What a waste.. his aggregate was 260!!! He could have appealed to RI but in the end he didnt. At least, he could have gone to Anderson Sec/ BPGHS where the sch is better than Evergreen. Haiz.. what to do if he wants to be in Evergreen. But it's so cool if he's in RI. Then maybe he will be in moore house.. Then in RJC, we'd be in the same house!!! Moore tarbet!!! woots!!!

And during the interactive session, the people was really enthu!!! And a big thanks to Hafidz and the VS guys for helping out by being the crowd boosters! Ahha...

YMC launch was super fun!!! And Syakir was so funny cos he was so tensed and yeah he's a funny guy... I felt lyk hugging him after the launch was over but I didn't... And Shahir and me took pics! But I look stupid and the photo look a bit weird cos I'm a lot shorter than him..so there's this huge space in between our heads...

Wish I could have gone to bahas too... then could have seen RGS vs VS.. and yes we won!!! you go girls! ahha... Could have seen Mahdi too and his brother bahas-ing. But then, I wouldn't see Shahir and I would miss all the fun during the YMC launch... and the eclair is damn nice!!! Should have put ice-cream instead of chocolate cream inside... and Syakir, Haziq, Siti and Faatihah went out together... Could have gone with them but had rehearsal at Bukit Batok East CC again...

Rehearsal was nice... we covered quite a lot more but I think we're not at the pace and level of professionalism the dance instructor wanted us to be at. So now I'm stuck with Jay... ahha... Diy accidently switched partners so now she's with Hazli and Khai is with Feena.. But Jay and I remained partners since last wk and so did Lena and Firdauz.. ahha.. they look cute together...

after the rehearsal, we ate at macs.. didn't really eat much... just a double cheeseburger which i could hardly finish and strawberry sundae! then went home with the guys and miza.. well 1/2 of the way with them cos they alighted earlier and the I went home myself after that.

Miza alighted earlier cos she lives in yew tee area so yar and i was going to woodlands and the guys wanted to take another bus frm where they dropped off to mariana bay to see fireworls. ahha.. i love fireworks!!! they invied me to come along with them, at least khai and firdauz invited me, when the rest disappeared for a while but it's at marina bay. so far and it's like the fireworks start only at night so by the time it'll be like 12am++ when i get home.

Jay has nice eyes and Khai has nice laugh and Firdauz has nice moves.. ahha...

Khai was being super nice again.. he was like 'anything call me eh..' before he left. and on the bus, jay and hazli just stone.. alamak.. cam emo seh... haha.. and jay was wearing that specs, the one with the big frame..and looking out of the window... siapa yang difirkan? haha... then is joined them, being emoish...

so khai and firdauz and miza and myself just talked... random stuff... can't rmbr much of what we talked abt...

haha.. erm that's abt what happened on saturday.. diy would kill to be where i was.. ahha... mayb i shld go home w them agn.. haha.. it's nice cos it's diff than gg home with the girls... mainly cos w the girls, it's typical what type of things they'll be talking abt what with diy and feena and lena would probably stone... and with the guys, ada saja lawaklah yang diorang buat.. haha

2007-07-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

I just might come for YMC after all! Yeah! Haha...

Some of my favourite lines/quotes/verses:

I don't know I don't care I just wanna let it go...

And then I see you shy...

You wanna hide...

Baby I can make you fly (I can make you fly)

See baby I'm not bad...

So don't be scared...

...(I don't know the last line)

Bulan jatuh ke bumi ku tetap akan bersungguh-sungguh

Maybe if we met each other under a different sky...

Maybe things will be much better between you and I...

Biar waktu mengubat rindu...

Tiada ku mencari sebarang penawar pilu

And I'm not gonna let you down...

Darling wait and see

And between now and then...

Till I see you again

I'll be loving you...

Love me

These are just some... There's others more... Basically these are lyrics from different songs...

I need someone to make me smile again... ahha... a bit desperate... don't want to be in this moody feeling forever...

Someone said I have a nice smile... But there's yet for someone to really make me smile...

If I melt over you... solidify me again... ahha...

YMC launch prep

2007-07-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

I feel so irritated... As much as I try to always set my priorities right, I still barely manage myself and the things I have to do.

Things have seriously started taking a toll on me. It's almost 12am now and I'm really suppose to be doing my work but I just need to let this out... I guess I have to thank my mum for preventing me from joining tarian or my schedule will be damn hectic, worse than my schedule now.

We had YMC just now and I was damn pissed off at the guys cos they keep digressing and we were getting to nowhere until almost the end. I kind of lost my temper and I felt really bad. I know I always have a trouble with my temper. Sometimes people might say that I'm too sensitive and that I should try to stop getting so worked up over small issues. One thing to clarify, if it's really a small issue, I won't give shit and just keep to myself. I only show my feelings when it really matters. And there's just some things that I just don't tolerate...

If anyone thinks I fly my top easily then you guys really don't the limit of my patience. One thing about me, I keep a lot of things to myself... example... crushes... personal problems... almost everything. my brother always tries to encourage me to talk more but I don't want to be like some asshole always talking about MY problems all the time and expecting others to listen... That's really self-centered. And just cos some people had to be that way doesn't mean that I too have to be that way.

Some people also think that I'm not quite straight since I don't talk about guys and being in an all girls' school might have that impression that it had swerved me from being 'normal'. I just don't want to be seen like some despo who goes on and on about guys...

And I guess I'm rather particular about keeping my mouth shut. I don't want to call others self-centered, always wrapped up in their problems when I myself keep telling others my feelings, my problems and my thoughts. Sometimes I share but never about personal stuff until only recently to Siti. Even then it's rather awkward.

So seriously, I don't talk about myself not cos I'm like problem-free but I just don't want to be someone irritating. And being taken advantage just cos I rather listen to other's problem than talking abt my problems, it just annoys me. And what the hell, if u always compress feelings in yourself won't u urself fly ur top?!?!?!

I also got pissed off cos I felt damn useless cos I'm not going to be there for YMC this saturday. I really wanna be there but well, other things take more priority. And I'm damn pissed that I have to make decisions between things that are so important like this week there'll be madrasah, YMC, bahas and redcross. Which one am I suppose to go for??? And I'm like damn pissed cos I have to skip madrasah this whole month. Damn it lah... and I'm sitting for my test quite soon I think. And my mum had to pay the fees and $20 is like just gone cos I didn't go for any madrasah sessions.

I guess not all things go the way you want it to turn out...

But I have quite high hopes that this week's launch will turn out great if everyone put in their 100%. I wish I could put in all my commitment too.

I don't know I don't care I just wanna let it go...

Bahas, rehearsal, NUS bbq

2007-07-07T18:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, there was bahas(debate) against crescent girls' sec sch... the topic was interesting. erm.. it was something like 'penyejagatan boleh _____ penjajahan nilai'. so it means that globalisation can cause our values to be demoralised.. something like that.. well, my malay isn't that good.

The venue was at Tampines JC which is super far from my home. By train, it will take 1 1/2 hr journey.. Feena made a promised to the juniors to go with them by train so she had to go with them to TPJC. Me, I went with Sahail to TPJC.. ahha... Actually Sahail asked me to go with him but I told him I might be going with Feena. And Feena asked me to ask him if he would want to come with us and the juniors. But Sahail didn't want to cos he has trouble waking up and he doesn't like being surrounded by girls... so in the end, Feena was quite pissed that she couldn't go with Sahail as she already promised the juniors. I was a bit amused at how Feena made a small thing so complicated. Then, on the phone she told me she pitied Sahail that he would have to go alone. And I volunteered to go with him since I never made any promises to the juniors and it was only a 'maybe' that I would go with Feena and the juniors.. So yeah, Sahail and I went to TPJC together. We took bus but left later and reached way earlier than Feena and the juniors.

The trip to TPJC was really nice cause Sahail and I talked and since I didn't really know Sahail well so now, I kind of learnt a bit of who he is I guess.. But anyway, it was nice going with him to TPJC.. He made me smile and laugh. haha... Sahail is funny and sweet guy but can be irritating too like how he was late for 1/2 hr! haha... and he has nice eyes, he was wearing contact lenses.. but with specs, he look like a good student, the study type of person. ahha... On the way, Sahail was trying to explain to me rugby.. haha... cos he wanted to explain why he wanted to enter RJC by DSA rugby. He told me that RI rugby team (sec 3 lvl) had lousy defence so if he could be in RJC, he could help them be better cos he's a defender. ahha...

And Sahail is apparently disgusted by cockroachers. Haha.. I too get disgusted by cockroaches but the way he freaked out, it was so amusing that I laughed and then I felt quite bad for laughing at him. Oh well...

So when we reached TPJC, we went inside the venue which is at a lecture theatre for the debate. Sahail went to sit alone at the right side of the room. RGS girls was sitting in the middle so I had to go to the middle too. Then, Azira didn't know how to go to the theatre and I went to fetched her at the main gate and show her the way to the lecture theatre. Then, Siti called me cos she didn't know how to get to the lecture theatre. Since she hasn't even reached the school, I had to wait at the main gate until she came and then we ran all the way to the lecture theatre. By then, the bahas was on the way and obviously we couldn't go to where the RGS girls were because then we would have to cross the room to get to the middle. And that is so embarassing and rude cos people would want to watch the bahas right.. So in the end, we sat next to Sahail. Haha... kesian dia duduk serorang.

Then me, Feena and Amalina had to go off right after the debate or we would be late for a rehearsal. So I told Sahail we had to go off already and he was quite sweet how he said 'Oh ok... bye!' and waved. And I thanked him cos I was totally relying on his sense of direction as we went to TPJC cos I only know how to get there by train and we went there by bus. He was nice about it and he nodded, smiling and I waved to Khairul before leaving. Khairul seems taller.. haha..

So, at the rehearsal, we met the St. Andrews guys and then we started rehearsing. For the rgs girls, it was our 1st time there but the St. Andrews guys had gone for the 1st rehearsal so this was their 2nd. We warmed up, did everything that the dance instructor told us to do and we practiced a choreography done by her. We did quite a lot i gues within 3 hrs. Feena, Amalina and Hamizah left in the middle of the rehearsal, where we haven't even got to the part of the routine. So, we would have to teach them at school or something or they would be so lost the next time we have a rehearsal. In the end, it was tiring.. and I didn't eat lunch and the rehearsal was at 12.30 all the way to 3.30 or so... I just ate breakfast which was at 7 am. And since we had to rush from TPJC all the way to Bukit Batok east CC for the rehearsal, there was no time to eat. Strangely, I wasn't that hungry.

Then, together, we went all the way back to the east again for the NUS bbq. I was quite pissed cos I had to travel a lot that day. From the north (my home) all the way to TPJC which is in the east, all the way to rehearsal which is in the west and back again to East Coast Park which is in the east. But the journey to ECP (east coast park) was ok.. I slept in the bus. I was damn tired I didn't talk to anyone. Not even Diy and Lena who had stayed throughout the entire rehearsal and also went for the bbq. We did a lot of walking cos we missed the bus stop and went ahead by 1 stop. So we walked back. The distance between the stops was damn far... It was rather tiring but at least refreshing. It woke me up a bit. Haha.. the sleep on the bus wasn't enough. It was amusing how the guys, being guys, fooled aroung and laugh and do whatever they did.

So we walked a L O N G W A Y to the bbq pit. Then, we talked and eat. The food was nice. The guys started to play soccer. After eating, I sat on the beach with a cocktail where it was a bit grassy and admired the sunset. It was really nice... And listening to the waves is very soothing and it was really windy. Everything was like so calm and relax and sincere. Haiz... if the sand is whiter, if the shores are cleaner, if the blue is clearer, ECP would be one of the most romantic places in Singapore.. haha... I guess...

During the night, we played.. dog and bone, the guys played against the girls but I didn't play in that. After that, we played card games, it was damn fun and we laughed and eat more... and omg!!! the roasted marshmallows are like heaven! ahha... We just had a one heck of a time there. There's no other way I should describe it. I wish Hariz was there too.

Then at about almost 10, I tumpang diy's family car and they send me home. I felt quite bad cos I was taking up space and they had to pick up her brother and his fiance (i think). Diy's brother is quite good looking and his fiance is very pretty so together, they look like one angelic couple. ahha...

Before leaving, I asked Khai for his contact. Surprisingly, Khai was quite nice about me asking his contact. Previously whenever I wanted a contact of a guy (just to keep in contact...) and when I asked him for it, he would ask why before telling me.. and Khai was sweet about it and erm.. gentle (?). he was like 'oh.. sure... just take my number lah...' and when i asked for his email, he was like 'ok... khai... spelled as k, h, a, i... dash, not underscore tau dash.. rulez. r, u, l, e, z 93'.. I was quite surprised cos never has a guy talk to me in such a gentle tone before... Haha... And when I confirmed with him his email, he was like 'yup!' haha..

We should have more of this kind of stuf.. It was fun though tiring... i wouldn't mind coming again if they're organizing another bbq.