it's been a long tiring empty holiday so far. getting a part time job is so difficult. after the artsfest production, i couldn't get used to not being busy. it felt weird not to be in rehearsal, not pushing ourselves to the limit and stretching ourselves more. and when i wasn't busy the last few weeks, i became useless. what did i do so far? eat, sleep, watch tv/movies, youtub-ing, sometimes i play my instruments, sometimes i go running, i go for chinese class and i come for drama rehearsals, i do sit-ins for kavanagh dance. that's about it. all my holiday resolutions disappeared in a puff of smoke. what happened to all the the things i wanted to do? like read more books, like practice more of my music, like actually working and earning money. but now that i'm stuck in the useless stage, i can't seem to do anything even if i wanted to. point of this whole paragraph, what the shit am i doing??
i read other people's comments on facebook. stuff like 'im going to (so and so country) again'. wahlao...i'll be so damn glad if i can go for a holiday. see the world outside that my bedroom windows can't offer. i'll be so glad if i can even go somewhere, see something, experience something new. even if it's to indonesia or even over the causeway to johor to do prawn fishing.
it's been 2 months since we had a family dinner. my brother is supposed to come home from australia tomorrow but he is extending his stay so that he can visit the coral reefs. all i can think of is that when he comes home, i'll need to fight with him for the computer. but even those arguments, i miss them. (i won't say i miss him. i don't.)
i haven't been blogging because there is mothing to blog about. aiya...
in school, in bilik melayu, blogging now.
drama production is on 5 dec.
this is one of the most unsure moments of my life.
siti and i had an interesting talk just now in the ava room. hahaha... i hope all those fantasies and wishes of ours will come true. which reminds me of one thing. no matter how busy, or how 'mature' or how experienced we are, i think we all wish for the same basic thing. it's just that expectations and tight schedules cloud our innocence, but it's still there. so when will it come out again?