I shall try to make this entry as short as possible because Im not even suppose to do this. Basically, Im depressed and the only thing that can cheer me up is the fact that I have a new brother, farhan. He's smart, sweet, sensitive, and very matured for his age. He's younger than Idris but I dare say he is more matured than Idris is. I have to get him something to fill his time here. If not he'd be bored to death.

Why I am depressed:

1) The fact that I still can't get over the fact that I missed POP chalet. Mum didn't let me go cos of puasa. She said by going, I'll be teaching myself the wrong thing. I still don't get her and Im not gonna attempt to understand her. I personally don't see what's wrong with it and it pains me more that she didn't even bother explaining to me what is so wrong. To me it's just one thing. She doesn't trust me enough to be able to choose the people I wanna be with. In other words she doesn't trust my yearmates and it rly hurts. Fun to my mum is as dangerous as cancer. She doesn't like me having too much fun. True, POP chalet is meant for fun. But the main reason i wanna go is cause i wanna give something back to the people that i love and will dearly miss for many time to come. and being i/c of it is suppose to ensure that i do get heavily involved in it. and so i'd be content that i have done my part. by not letting me go, she's taken my last opportunity to be closer to them and to express my unsaid gratitude to them. i guess that i just have to be happy that i did do my part with the presents. but i still shall not be that happy. everytime i see the picture of ohana and akaibatsu at the chalet, i just can't help thinking i shldve been there. too bad there's no way to turn back time.

2) I missed the afternoon when the ma'ams handed over the rooms. can't do anything abt it rly.had geog remedial.

3) I feel guilty that I didn't put in much effort in CSP but hopefully with access to me dad's laptop it shall be better.

4) The anxiety of term 4 is starting its effects on me. shant elaborate.

5) I'm still unhappy with the capsule notes. What i said was very very superficial. I guess i was very scared of their opinions should i go in depth of how i really feel. And now my greatest regret is the things i didn't say. I still remember how I hated them. I kept thinking 'So what if i drag? What can you do to me?' ap back then. but now i am jealous of my sec 1 self cos even if i hated them at sec 1, it wasn't too long aft that when my views began to change. and if i bcame a sec 1 agn i shall have much more time with them than the numbered days i have now.