YMC launch prep

I feel so irritated... As much as I try to always set my priorities right, I still barely manage myself and the things I have to do.

Things have seriously started taking a toll on me. It's almost 12am now and I'm really suppose to be doing my work but I just need to let this out... I guess I have to thank my mum for preventing me from joining tarian or my schedule will be damn hectic, worse than my schedule now.

We had YMC just now and I was damn pissed off at the guys cos they keep digressing and we were getting to nowhere until almost the end. I kind of lost my temper and I felt really bad. I know I always have a trouble with my temper. Sometimes people might say that I'm too sensitive and that I should try to stop getting so worked up over small issues. One thing to clarify, if it's really a small issue, I won't give shit and just keep to myself. I only show my feelings when it really matters. And there's just some things that I just don't tolerate...

If anyone thinks I fly my top easily then you guys really don't the limit of my patience. One thing about me, I keep a lot of things to myself... example... crushes... personal problems... almost everything. my brother always tries to encourage me to talk more but I don't want to be like some asshole always talking about MY problems all the time and expecting others to listen... That's really self-centered. And just cos some people had to be that way doesn't mean that I too have to be that way.

Some people also think that I'm not quite straight since I don't talk about guys and being in an all girls' school might have that impression that it had swerved me from being 'normal'. I just don't want to be seen like some despo who goes on and on about guys...

And I guess I'm rather particular about keeping my mouth shut. I don't want to call others self-centered, always wrapped up in their problems when I myself keep telling others my feelings, my problems and my thoughts. Sometimes I share but never about personal stuff until only recently to Siti. Even then it's rather awkward.

So seriously, I don't talk about myself not cos I'm like problem-free but I just don't want to be someone irritating. And being taken advantage just cos I rather listen to other's problem than talking abt my problems, it just annoys me. And what the hell, if u always compress feelings in yourself won't u urself fly ur top?!?!?!

I also got pissed off cos I felt damn useless cos I'm not going to be there for YMC this saturday. I really wanna be there but well, other things take more priority. And I'm damn pissed that I have to make decisions between things that are so important like this week there'll be madrasah, YMC, bahas and redcross. Which one am I suppose to go for??? And I'm like damn pissed cos I have to skip madrasah this whole month. Damn it lah... and I'm sitting for my test quite soon I think. And my mum had to pay the fees and $20 is like just gone cos I didn't go for any madrasah sessions.

I guess not all things go the way you want it to turn out...

But I have quite high hopes that this week's launch will turn out great if everyone put in their 100%. I wish I could put in all my commitment too.

I don't know I don't care I just wanna let it go...